Rat Race Trivialities, Travel, Utopia.

My day.

This morning. After being woken from my slumber, by having my knee farted on by Ange. Rambo our cat squatting to pee on our duvet ( in all the top kitty excitement after chasing our other cat Pattie around the house. He has normally taken to pissing on the bath mat, I can cope with this) Being watched and joined by both cats while sat on the toilet. Then having to collect our beer cans scattered about the street after a windy burst and wheelie bin misdemeanour episode!! (Dont want to look like lushes!! We’ve been enjoying 3% Bitter Shandies this weekend, Rock and Roll, I know!!)

Then commenced the joyful travelling. On public transport. The loudest voice on the planet was seated next to us. Life story, every single second recounted. We both decided headphones and loud music emergency!! I seriously am not a hearing loud talky person morning tolerator. In fact I dont want to talk to anyone first thing. Except my wifey of course.

Then upon getting the connecting bus to work. Having changed my usual route in Nottingham City Centre, disrupted by roadworks. (TRAFFIC CHAOS) YIPPEE!!!!! I’ve actually just sent an email to complain as my button has truly been pushed today. The 34 unilink bus driver seems to think that Jamming and Ramming as many human beings on a bus as possible, like sardines is acceptable. The fact that I couldn’t even reach a bell to ring, to get off. Had to forcefully squeeze myself past 7 people. Bearing in mind I WAS AT THE BLOODY FRONT!! Taking the Michael. I tell Thee! If I’d had a paper bag, I’d have allowed myself a panic attack. Instead I stood on someones foot while exiting, stuck my tits in someone elses face, and made a load of them get off so I could. A stop early , just for fresh air! Swearing under my breath. I’m sure some crap joke exists about how many students it takes to change a lightbulb on a bus to make £1 profit for NCT. Any accident, we’d be looking at mush, gore and lots of broken limbs, noses and toes. Good Job its on the A & E route. Ridiculous. I’m awaiting reply.

Then I had the joy of listening to ‘Red Wine’ by UB40. On of my most hated songs. Even if you got me rat arsed and drugged me up with happiness. I’d still hate it. AAAARGH

After a normal, pleasant working day.

My humous, carrots and sugarsnap peas began to ferment. Just ready for hometime.

Stupidly I didn’t get on the 1st bus. Hoping to get the city loop. My phone battery had died (Bummer) so no music and having to listen to people noise again.

Then 2 busses passed us! Not stopping, rammed. Shame they dont apply that principle going from City Centre in the mornings. Thank you, spectacular,  I thought. Then rammed bus came eventually. I stood examining a students ginger beard infront of me, Thinking, oooooh.uuuurgh.

Then gridlock. (I found out later accident) The whole of City Centre at a standstill! Times like this I wish horse and carts were still the main method of transport. Apart from having to shovel up turds off the road. The pace without hustle and bustle would be a chilled as the feeling one feels as a drunk musician on stage with an unresponsive audience. Easy.

I’ve just farted on Anges hand, next to me on the sofa. She’s just commented on the reverberation  through her bones.. karma is a bitch. Teach her to fart on my knees while spooning in bed.ha ha ha.

So then I get off as soon as humanly possible and walk into Town. I eventually got home, to our sanctuary , full of wind. Scared Ange to death, who was asleep on the sofa.

Now we’ve apparently got The Mary Berry Story to watch on TV! Our normality comes later. Making Jam and biscuits naked with just aprons. Watering the plants with cold tea from the pot. domestic joy. Doing the river dance in the living room.  Lighting a fire in the garden and throwing magickal herbs on it. Playing hunt the veggie sausage. Playing  murder in the dark/hide and seek in the loft without clattering the ladder. Planning our Mount Everest Trek, Saving the world. Creating voodoo dollies for the car boot stall. Chewing corn for gummy parrots, not tripping over the rug, not screaming when spiders attack, Inventing for the dragons den, growing our leg hair for winter…not….Laughing at people who think its about them!!

Or usually sitting in our home sauna with a plum in my mouth!

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Guitar and meditation, tuning into my Reiki Master later. We will sleep like logs tonight.  Oh well, back to the rat race tomorrow.

Backstabbing in your workplace. Who are these people? Why?

The thing about moles/melanomas?

They sometimes appear without warning. Overnight, creep up on you. Or maybe they have been there a while unnoticed?  You only tend to be alerted them after they have ‘arrived’, or you open up and really look. Someone else points them out. Or you start itching. I’ve had a dodgy mole removed from my stomach. They cut a huge deep piece of me out. Just to make sure, if it was nasty. All of it and its potentially cancerous ‘mates’ were removed. Luckily. It turned out ok. My scar smiles.

Back stabbing in the workplace is generally rife in my experience. Have you encountered the the ‘a’ typical snakes in the grass? Pretending to be your pal. While all the time tossing those knives like a fantastic circus act. Stirring. Telling half truths, blatantly lying.

Then you get the ladder climber wannabies. Who actually spend most of their working life. Not actually working. But ar#e licking, back stabbing to make themselves and their inadequacies look good. Pathetic worms. Feeding off the big cheese that is dangled. Seeking promotion or an excuse to get their revenge on society.  Moles, spies, grasser uppers. I’m sure you have met a few. Looking for any opportunity to go squealing like a piggie. Oinking on you for the slightest thing.

You get the ones that will say something half true, just to wind everyone up, and sit back and watch it escalate. Causing mass falling out. You get the ones that put words into you mouth. Whispering or blatantly telling you colleagues you have said it, thought it. When actually in truth. They did. You are their scapegoat, their punch bag. They suck people in, all nicey, nicey. Attempt to give you snippets of info (When most of the time they know nothing anyway).making you feel special and “in the know”. WOWSER!!! By The Power Of Greyskull!! I always get home and ‘flick myself off to Tricia’ over info!! NOT

So you are told. “It’s not about you”. Don’t take it personally. Wrong place at right time. You have attracted them for a reason. It’s a life lesson. You can now make choices on how you deal with them.

I find it incredibly disrespectful, having my intelligence insulted. Oh yes there are consequences to doing it to me. (not a threat btw, just fact) I read rules, procedures and will stand up for myself. My patience is tried for only so long. I have the rule of you get one chance and a warning. After that, I will escalate in the proper manner and have your ass kicked, book thrown at you if necessary.  If it’s really bad, what YOU have done to me. Then my ‘one chance’ rule is blown out the window. It’s always wise to not take me for an idiot. I may come across as a joker, soft touch at times. What lies beneath is intelligence, strong capability and very low tolerance level. Taking justice/revenge into your own hands is futile (Unless you are a character in TV series Prison Break of course)

I’m dealing with my temper, lack of patience issues. Boredom of people who can’t get to the point and make me switch off and glaze over. Slowly but surely. I do still tend to fall asleep while having lectures/meetings in public places. An instant cure for insomnia. Being a ‘sh8t magnet’ myself. One attracts either the blame from the ones in the wrong, who try to pettily turn everything into them being the victim. Control dramas and power struggles are rife in the workplace. Easily recognisable at times. Trusting ones instinct and gut feeling is vital. I’ve been told I have an ‘Air of Authority’. Sorry chums, I’ve worked in positions of authority. I’m also an unplucked chin whisker off 6 feet tall, a ‘Strong personality’ (oh how i’ve loved that label chortle!!!) that is able and does express my opinions’. I’ve also taken too much crap from people in this life, to be a doormat.

Yes I’m also human too. I make mistakes. I say sorry for them too. I sometimes speak verbal pebble dash. Say things in the wrong way and tone. My mouth does engage before my quick thinking brain chooses the diplomatic approach. I cut people off mid sentence (thanks you Mummy for that trait). So very rude. I change subjects as get bored very easily. If something isn’t sorted straight away I lose my rag. “It’s all about Claud.”  Like I said. I’m not perfect. But I’m aware and working on it. I have yet to meet the perfect individual. I’ve met the ones that disguise their true self well. I’ve also met lovely innocent souls, confused and not comfortable in this world.

I remember years a go in a previous Job/company. (horsemeat and Every Little certainly doesn’t help) While on holiday from work (I.E. NOT THERE). I was accused of slagging someone off in the staff canteen (Obviously my Hologram was at work, I must have astrally projected) On return I was taken in the office. Having no idea why? I did point out that I had not been at work so how could I have been seen doing this? The tarred with brush and blame me for everything had already painted masterpieces. Infuriated. I did find out who had accused me. Did take out a grievance against them. After much nastiness, wasted company time, upset and billy bob bull s@~t. The person eventually confessed that they hadn’t seen me. They had made it up to cover their own back!! They cried. My name was cleared and point proven.

Like I said,  I am far from the perfect individual, (yes and everyone finds Claud so interesting that they feel the need to criticise Claud , never mind that Claud is not remotely interested in dissecting their personality, life, faults etc) I am honest and upfront. Choosing to spend my time doing what I’m paid to do or finding more interesting and productive uses of my energies and mind. I’ve matured as I’ve gotten older. I was a rebel and sarcasm machine when younger. Wind ups, blow outs were my speciality.(my brick wall of defence protecting my marsh mallow fluffiness that only the closest to me see) With that, one expects a certain amount of comeback/karma, pushing me, provoking, to see if a new victor can be made.

I’ve been through the anger at the world stage. The poor me, the why me? I’ve acknowledged my bad ways and work on them all the time. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Leopards, as well as tattoo removal cannot fully change their spots! Reminisce,  memories of what once was shall always remain. Events in my 30’s started the ball rolling. Being told my ego and negative outlook is appalling certainly kick started things.

I’m being told, detox, raw food diet, no wheat (well we eat wholemeal bread now and the odd French stick) no Dairy!! No caffeine, no booze, no cigarettes.

I’m a hell of a lot healthier than I was 5 years ago. Just suffering the consequences of indulgence. Maybe a full detox will occur? Without pressure… in my own time. A fully clear head. Not waking with a hangover craving nicotine is great these days. But during a band rehearsal, studio recording session. I simply love red wind and ciggies. It’s part of my process. I’ve not yet evolved to purity. Part of me wants to, the other half shouts NOOOOO!!! A battle is occurring. Guilt.  Mineral water and apples with my guitar. Others have. Good for you. Early days!! I’ve put most of my demons to bed. Just enjoying a bit of what I fancy these days.

Maturing a little helps.

Some people have never experienced this ‘happening’. Or observe themselves.

So live their life with the sole intention to upset others, as ‘they have been mistreated in some awful way’

Even the slightest little change, can upset the apple cart so much for them. The end of the World can loom. Generally most folks have reservations about change. Sometimes things become better, sometimes worse. If you don’t try. How can you know? The worst kind of people I’ve met. Firstly are damaged secondly create a toxic environment. Thirdly tend to make up ‘Pork pies’ a lot to cover their own back. Blame everyone and everything else. As it’s never their fault! Being obnoxious and loud about its is apparently the norm for some.

The ones ‘set in their ways.’ Resistant; If you dare have an opinion. MY GOD HOW VERY DARE YOU!! You will be sent to ‘Coventry’, alienated by bullying school ground tactics by grown adults. YOU WILL BE TOLD THAT YOUR OPINIONS DON’T COUNT AS YOU ARE LOWEST OF THE LOW!

So what happens to these maggots in your workplace? Well, some go far. Non are respected. I pity them. Their self worth, integrity, ego =  “FALSE SELF”

QUOTE : writer Eckhart Tolle writes about the ego in his book A New Earth.

“The extent of the ego’s inability to recognize itself and see what it is doing is staggering and unbelievable. […] To become free of the ego is not really a big job but a very small one. All you need to do is be aware of your thoughts and emotions – as they happen. This is not really a ‘doing’ but an alert ‘seeing’. In that sense, it is true that there is nothing you can do to become free of the ego. When that shift happens, which is the shift from thinking to awareness, an intelligence far greater than the ego’s cleverness begins to operate in your life. Emotions and even thoughts become depersonalized through awareness. Their impersonal nature is recognized. There is no longer a self in them. They are just human emotions, human thoughts. Your entire personal history, which is ultimately no more than a story, a bundle of thoughts and emotions, becomes of secondary importance and no longer occupies the forefront of your consciousness. It no longer forms the basis for your sense of identity. You are the light of Presence, the awareness that is prior to and deeper than any thoughts and emotions.”

Home life? If you have to treat people so badly. What is going on with you?

Success is not behaving like and idiot. When your life flashes before you,  you calculate what good you have done in this world. What is your answer? Hint. You didn’t, like me have to go to Girl Guides to be a good person. (I hated it, refused to even go camping and I love camping! My Parents tricked me into going, Brownies first. Due to me being a shy child. My lovely ‘Virgin’ socks. When made Patrol Leader against my will, I took great pride in never getting one badge. I escaped by telling my parents I could leave at a certain age, they believed me. The joy on that last Friday night. Knowing I’d never return and not telling the Leaders. It wasn’t even worth the pick and mix sweeties either.)

I can’t stand being dictated to, told what to think. I like to work things out, be advised, shown options. Make my own mind up. Chew on the cud and come back a while later. I’ve made far too many rash decisions and suffered the consequences.

One success story. Out of the many guitars I have owned over the years. I saw my Taylor, fell in love, bought it and have no regrets!!

Did you be kind, compassionate to man, beast, plant?

Or did you drive someone to deep depression or even suicide through your actions? Drown the kittens in a bin liner in the river, because you couldn’t be bothered to get your cat sorted in the first place. Choosing, clothes, cigarettes and booze over that? Or you didn’t want that cat now the kids got bored of their Xmas present.  Did you discard your lit cigarette into the bone dry forest. Killing everything. Are you aware of the consequences of your actions?

Do you actually believe you are a supreme being? Everyone else is lower than you? FYI: supreme, enlightened beings don’t think like that.

There is a big difference between looking in the mirror each morning and thinking.. I’m beautiful on every level, my light is going to shine and be lovely to all.

Than. I’m perfect; I’ve hidden my true spitefulness from them. My ego is so huge, I’m going to be a C#’T to all of those Ba$14r)$. I’ll show them!!

Miserable life, oblivious. Oh Dear!!

“Harm no-one, but take no SH1T” that’s my motto. I’ve been a bit slow on the uptake of that advice at times. ME?  I learn my lessons that are given me in this life.(sometime it takes a few goes) I TAKE NOTE!

In the end. Who is the better soul?

Society is fully of stress, pressure, negativity. People lives are not satisfying, Not necessarily because they are skint. Because they cant think of anything good to do. Work to live, don’t live to work. Take a walk. Observe the beauty in everything. Take a breath. Be kind to everyone. Feels good doesn’t it?

I remember as a kid, standing on a tyre swing with my Brother, my dad had made. Looking up at the clouds, pointing out what shapes and things they looked like. Wonderment, blue and pink skies, sunsets. Looking at that amazing universe with endless possibilities. I always marvel and absorb the beauty. I’m humbled by its presence.

Break the cycle. You are being programmed by the TV, newspapers, internet. You are being subconsciously dictated to.  You are mostly unaware.

The thought of you not having your mobile phone, watching TV, internet for a week, . To some is worse than death! How will you survive? If the plug is pulled? What is your plan?

So work backstabbers. If you are reading this. Take note. Things will catch up with you in the end, they always do. Living a life of misery and negativity for your ‘false’ amusement and ego stroking is no life. Its also not fair on others. Maybe you are in denial. YES, you can change! If it were easy everyone would be doing it. Guess why they are not? ITS HARD!

To victims. Stand up for your rights! Ask for help. Alert the powers that be. If the powers that be are bad, go above them. The world is a corrupt place. By helping making things better. Everyone can do their little bit.  We can all feel the love all the time. Happy workers= better productivity.

You can’t please everyone all of the time. But you can certainly cut out the rot.

Blessings and good luck.

The Undertow Of Creativity

So today. After months of preparing. I finally displayed some new artworks for sale in ‘Walk Into Yesterday’. See info HERE

A liberating, satisfying experience. With the help of Ange, Chris and thanks to Tony and Graeme. The ‘cream’ Assam tea with homemade scones was lush to say the least. I do love a good cafe bar and good pot of tea on a cold winters day. Blue skies and bright sunshine after the snow. Huge flakes fell last night. I got quite excited. I love snow. Always have, like a child.

Walk Into Yesterday

We’ve both (Ange, wifey and I) got into having a nice bitter shandy of an odd evening. Saves on hangovers, £££ and totally reminds me of my childhood like I’ve said before having one at a pub in Derbyshire. Why am I so drawn to this memory as of late?

I feel my sense of ‘Claud’ and self worth returning this last week. After being completely destroyed as of late by some bitter, nasty individuals. Why let them affect ones life you make ask? Sometimes the strongest of people become deeply affected. You put up barriers, walls, protection, try to ignore and not rise. Being surrounded day in, day out..gets ya. Only when you truly step away and debrief, do you realise what a toxic situation you were ‘tolerating and suffering’ . I had a Job Interview last week. Always a welcome surprise.

I’ve not quite been myself since my last operation on my cheek to remove infected metal plates last year. I truly thought that the end of nearly 2 years of infection was insight. It was over?…. It wasn’t. There is still metal, that they left, which one may presume is infected in my skull. I’m at a loss. Very bothered, upset, pissed off, end of tether as no-one seems to be getting to the root cause and sorting it. Making me feel like I’m making it up, it’s not important. I’m certainly not. Having horrible leakage through the roof of your mouth is vile. No amount of brushing, flossing, mouthwash is really helping. As the source is within and migrating through. I physically cant get to it. Anti biotics (The 20 year ticking time bomb) almost cure it. Infection got in through half protruding upper wisdom teeth. 2 surgeries later and No Cigar! Bummed is not the word! Getting angry and upset privately isn’t helping. Moments of hope, positivity are. But its hard as there is no respite or escape from the constant discomfort and nasty taste 24/7. Only asleep am I unaware. But wake to it all again. As a Reiki practitioner, should I be able to heal myself? I never discount the need for medical assistance alongside Holistic.

I’m going to regress on how this all came about.

I was born with some deformity to my face, an underbite, big chin. Explained many years ago; It was genetic, someone, somewhere in my heritage was another with this. Going through school being verbally bullied (never physically, being nearly 6 feet tall) called a monster. Yes a monster amongst other ‘horrible things’ did serious damage mentally and emotionally. I wore a fixed brace till after the double Osteotomy at 19 years old. They successfully rearranged my face, gave me a face full of metal and normal (well normal as I’ll ever get in this life) bite. I’m forever indebted to my Surgeon (Mr Bromwich I think his name was) and the Team who effectively saved me from certain misery leading to suicide. Some people like to stand out from the crowd. I never have. Even on stage I’m in my own world with the band and music, shy from connecting with the audiences. My hands and instruments connect.

Waking from the dark as I came round in recovery after an 8 hour operation. Was rebirth for me. So I thought. So I intended…

I spent the next 8 years having a relationship with Bourbon, Vodka, Beer, Wine, Grass, Ciggies. (I was never addicted to the booze. I just enjoyed the way it made me feel, the escape. The Marijuana turned me into a paranoid idiot eventually. Getting stoned was the great escape. It turned into the great panic. The cigarettes have taken years to quit, I still enjoy the odd ‘naughty’ ones while making music) Oh and thoroughly enjoying my self induced hibernation in my music mentor Grimm’s home recording studio. Most of my ‘Bog Woppit’ work was written and recorded in there. I didn’t ‘do’ relationships. I was too scared, too closed down. Out of self destruction came songs, lots of songs. Exploration of my mind, my dreams, the darkness. Exorcism of the demons. Well actually I was hanging out with them, not actually ridding myself. This actual cleansing process began in my mid 30’s when I experienced the channelling of Universal Life Force Energy using The Reiki techniques… and will continue into my 40’s.

Claud and Grimm

So,I never loved myself. I became reclusive, put up barriers, shied away from any form of relationship with the opposite sex. (trying to kid myself I was Bisexual when truly all I fancied were women.The sensuality. The loss of my virginity had just been a formality, bit of drunken fun. Encounters with me after that ‘Trying to be normal’ ended. I couldn’t commit. I did date a biker for a while, loved the open road. Then my issues and commitment fear got the better of me. He was lovely. I luckily had some good friends and have had over the years. To this day I am blessed. They have listened, supported, advised, been there, accepted and loved me for who I am.

Grimm overdosed without warning, when I was 27. It broke me. I was lost. Empty. My Confider of all my dark secrets and mental exorcisms was gone. Only in body. What do you do when your destructive and creative path hits a crossroads?

I spent a few years in Limbo. Then I fell in love, head over heels. With a woman. She floated my boat. Gave me everything I thought I needed. We moved in, She then moved out. Broke my heart. I began writing again. Inspired by heartbreak. I then spent the next few years having encounters with some interesting types. ‘Heterosexual’ women.

I then gave up on love. Still a mess. Moving from one home to another. Throwing myself into a shit day job with shit pay and shit hours.

But the music kept me going.. The Idolins were getting on it.

Personally I was a mess. I though it was all good fun at times. Yes it was. I had some great laughs and experiences over those years. But always attracted the ‘wrong uns’

All I ever wanted was to be loved for me. I knew then my self destruction and wanting to die in a rock and roll way would go. But I feared death, so very much. I fear suffering. Diagnosis for all the wrongs I have done to my body. Worry, Worry, Worry.

Then I met Ange. She is my Wife and my rock, my love, Ange saved me. The moment I met her. I felt I’d known her forever. So comfortable. We are a normal couple, have tiffs, go shopping, have tiffs over grocery shopping. I wander off as get all excited exploring the aisles, she buggers off in another direction, I cant find her with arms full. I blame her, she blames me. I’m a numpty. A hushed spat under your breath in the queue at the checkout. We also laugh loads, love and do the things like you ;-0. We communicate, we plan, we play with our cats. We garden. Between making music, meditation, Reiki, Art, Crystal Healing, Tarot, Working 2 full time day jobs. Paying the bills, getting healthier, We have our time, movies, meals, socialising, walks in the wild. Beaches.. I dearly love the sea

me

I’ve been having strange dreams all week, but at least I have slept for the first time properly in Months. I dreamt the other night. I was on a surgery, but mortuary slab. With a ‘surgeon’ Sharpening a big blade at the end near my feet. Then I left that room. I then found that Ange had died. But I could talk to her on my mobile phone. I did. She said she was still hear for me.

I awoke terribly upset. Told her about it. Cried, got in a right state. Ange trying to comfort me kept saying “Look touch me, I’m here, real” These sorts of dreams affect me for the rest of the day. On the plus side. Ange dreamt we won £128,000 on the lottery, quit our day jobs, set up Earth Tree Healing, just outside of Cardiff and bought the house in Wales. Thats the actual plan. We got quite excited about it manifesting in her dream. Then bought a lottery ticket!

I really dont know what I’d do without her. I love her so much. Putting my own fuck ups aside. You never know when you may lose someone. Appreciate every day.

So on the grand scale. Today I crossed a bridge. My art is out there in cyberspace and a real building on real walls for the public to peruse over tea, coffee, cakes, chats with family and friends.

My mouth and cheek pain became irrelevant today. The leaking wasn’t so bad. But it will build and get worse. 2013 I hope its cured. I really do. The damage is not good. On every level. Would I trade in this past and not be creative? Nope. What lies within, beneath creates a person. I was given gifts. Things that happen, my choices… Were not a curse, something I regret. They make me who I am. Made me the better more compassionate person. I cant help what body and face I was born with. Others punished me for that. I’m glad I’m different. Every day I have the pleasure of being able to create. How cool is that?

I started a new painting tonight. It’s for our home and our personal collection. I’ve more works to create over the next few months for display and sale publicly But I feel the urge to do this one for us.

It has Angels and Butterflies in it. Freedom of flight, higher planes, music, love.

Both our pussy cats are very quiet tonight. pottering about or sleeping the sleep only cats do.

I’m off to bed to dream. A good dream. The rain patters on the windows. But the world seems very quiet. Maybe too quiet.

Lets see what the dawn brings.

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Mind Chatter, Good Friends, Perspective.

So I’m cracking on painting new artworks. Winter and January time is really good for locking myself away from the dark and cold, with my wife and the cats, creating.

Rambo and Pattie

It’s been the time of year too, when we go into studio and record tracks. Save the summertime for the great and beautiful outdoors.

I’m really out of sorts at the moment. A recent physical sensitive injury (clumsy moi) and the continued infection in my left cheek have been really getting me down….. really getting me down. There have been moments of madness when I’ve wanted everything to go away. With only one awful solution. The trouble is, when you are down, there is only so much more of a kicking you can take. Only so much shit you can handle, being chucked at you from the shit truck. Plus being in a difficult environment where bad behaviors are not being dealt with effectively as of yet by the PTB, is poor for my mental and spiritual health. Trouble with negative ringleaders has taken its toll on my self worth. (I HOPE this can be resolved without lies, exaggeration and truth twisting, oh and plain nastiness) Like I’ve been told and continue to find out. You’ve got to have a pretty shitty life to behave that way to others. Pitiful. 5 years ago, (when my ego controlled me fully) had I been in the situation I’m currently in. I’d have dealt with any trouble with intimidation, sharp tongue and caused major upset(getting myself into trouble in the process, making others lives miserable, as my life was a mess then). Times and I have evolved through working on myself. Its certainly not been easy.

Maybe it’s time to ‘day job’ hunt, a fresh start? The plan is just simply earn a career from my Art, Reiki with Earth Tree Healing and Music (The Idolins, Subway Circus) combined. Be my own boss (The dream, the possible, the effort continues and steps up 2013)

We spent the night with good friends this weekend. Lots of wine and chats. Especially about feeling out of sorts. The great thing about good friends? The laughter, support, advice, love. Things get put into perspective.

I suffer from constant mind chatter and the creative souls burden. Moodiness and ego talk. Inherited and programmed worrying. Meditation and practicing Reiki is clearing this. But in the process it’s releasing a lot of emotion. Release is great though. Just not particularly pleasant at times. ‘Blockages’; energy blocks in meridians. Having a good service! Chakras (Energy Centers, vortexes) are being energized and balanced. Self healing is beneficial. I do love having a Reiki treatment, crystal heal from my fellow Light Workers. IT’S ALL VERY EASY TO GET INVOLVED HEALING OTHERS AND NOT ONESELF. If you don’t take care of yourself properly, how can you truly help others? Just as you think you are spiraling to the top of the mountain, an avalanche stops you in your tracks, knocks one back. DECENT RATHER THAN ASCENT.

When you go about your day to day things. Having woken, the sun shines, you are confident, eyes are smiling. Your days just gets better, people react kindlt to you and your sparkle..V’s getting up, tripping over the cat, rushed, headache, dreading going to work. Having a row just to start your day of which tends to get gradually worse like your mood. How different do people treat you. What are you attracting? You can change that mindset. IT’S YOUR EGO TALKING, INFLUENCING.

Right now I want to lock myself away for months. Be as far away from people of the moaning, damaging and draining variety that I can. THIS WILL ALL PASS OFCOURSE. Solutions are there. Positive solutions and options. Learning’s and tests of my patience (well, lack of) continue .

I had a TAROT reading from my gifted wife. “Temperance” Really does sum things up.

Temperance

I read my stars, Gemini recently, I rarely read the paper, but felt drawn.

Gemini

I’ve been overcome as of late with physical manifestations of unrest, upset. Things have built up to the point where I want someone to save me, cure me, help me. The reality. My mind chat has got the better of me. I, and only I HAVE ALLOWED IT. I’ve listened, believed all the doom and gloom its been spouting at me. I’ve cried, wallowed, obsessed, released, felt lost, frustrated, empty, hurt, alienated, angry, vengeful, done the “WHY ME?”. Just as ‘the end of the world’ 2012, which is effectively the dawn of a new era. 2013 continues to bring tests. All for what? Lessons, clearing.

THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN TIME. Patience. Belief in healing. Talking about this honestly has helped. Bottling it all up did nothing but make things worse. I’ll be a stronger person. I’M ALREADY more compassionate. Lessons from the POWERS THAT BE. How can you be compassionate, truly, unless at some point you have suffered? Your own sufferings (Mental, physical, emotional) cannot be compared to anyone else. It’s only YOU that truly feels the affect of what your problems are. OTHERS ARE bystanders.

It’s up to ME to shout… ‘BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER” to sort the mess that’s me out. Running off to get happy pills doesn’t treat my root cause. Meditating, laughing, being in the company of my good friends, does.

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Choices…Honesty

At times in life, one comes to decisions. I’ve come to a decision and conclusion. Tolerance of negativity is over. Being around ‘People’ who try to drag you into their own misery; If you don’t join ‘em you become the enemy. Have no place in my life. Yes I do have a choice. Yes I am empowered. Yes I am NOT in the wrong, Yes I am a good person. I’m not adverse to change. I believe I have the support I need to achieve this. If for some reason that support fails me. The ‘me’ of old will pursue justice to the ends of the earth. Life is too short. If I tolerate this, then which poor soul gets it next? A couple of bad apples can rot the whole fruit bowl.

I made a conscious choice for 2013. Success. 2012 was year of tests, changes, moving house, quitting bad habits, pursuing solutions. A rollercoaster. An assortment of amazing experiences. Playing live with The Idolins at Greenwich Park at the 2012 Olympics. To name one.

Learning to laugh again after recent troubles is hard. Re gaining self worth, confidence is a mountain. But “After climbing the slippery slope and never reaching as boulders constantly attack. One turns a corner, crosses the road and finds.. Humans. The grass sometimes is greener on the other side ;-)”

I took a walk today, to clear my head. The sun was shining. Too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice the beauty of nature. Things were coming to the surface. Its great when you bump into someone you haven’t seen for years, have a chat. Things suddenly get put into perspective. Blessings are truly counted…Again.

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I spent yesterday creating some new art works. After a self Reiki heal and meditation. (Bliss) I’m currently working on my emotions. They’ve been a mess. Recent stresses have taken their toll. Things snowball quickly with me.

I’m practicing patience with life’s big adventure. I falter, I pick myself up, I learn. Slowly I’m improving. At times I’ve felt weak. The old me would verbally rip to shreds any threats. Or just for my own amusement. How one changes when one grows and learns. Regrets? Nope. You become what you are because of what you were.

The more I open up the possibilities, see the true reality we live in. The more insight I gain. The more I simply CAN’T be around “wrong uns”

I’m often told I have an air of authority about me. I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t suffer fools gladly; I also each day shield myself for the barrage of psychic vampires, control dramas that ATTACK. All my life I’ve stood out from the crowd. (I’m nearly 6 feet tall) My in-laws say I am ‘Miranda” and love watching the slapstick on tv. I’m not quite. My humour is really dry. I’m really shy unless I get to know people. I have a crippling phone phobia. Stemming from shyness, my mum eavesdropping on my as a child, (Privacy issues) and a phone call about a close friend committing suicide. ( I dread phone calls now, wondering what other bad news I will be told. “Therapy”..yes I know ;-)) Plus I was born with a face that didn’t work properly. My speech, confidence, appearance, talking was affected. A major operation at 19 corrected that. I’m still at the age of 37 working on my shyness.

I find blogging therapy. The same as song writing, creating, meditating. The only person who will conquer my demons is me. With a little help by me NOT being in negative environments. Exposed like a lamb to the slaughter.

I’m lucky to have a circle of wise ones who help me, love me, protect me and advise me. The Law of attraction ensures I encounter inspiration and help, now my chasm of learning quests has widened.

My wife, the love of my life is my Rock. We’ve been adventuring together for 4 years now. It’s all only just the beginning. Every day I look at our home … life and am grateful for everything. We are both actively working on our health, growing more veg this year. We seek solutions to a few issues. I know the answer is close. The cure. Oh I’m not talking riddles, After 3 operations. Metal plate removal in face. I’m suffering a leaky cheek. Something nasty is leaking through the roof of my mouth. My Dentist, Max Fax Clinic, X rays, surgery have drawn blanks. Something is having a party. Sinus and polyp investigations to pursue now. I think my plumbing has a blockage. The answer and cure lies there. Nasal douching is fun. A terribly painful bout of sinusitis, frustration, horrible taste, constant leakage, soreness= not fun. Patience is the test. I’m hopeful after being distraught, pissed off and at a loss, after my last operation that failed to cure it. 2013. Getting it sorted.

It’s truly made me appreciate things a lot more.

When I truly step back though, squint at the sunshine. Absorb the heat. Worship the azure blue skies. Breathe the fresh air. Life is good. It has its niggles, set backs, but its good.

The horizon is in the distance, but its kind of beautiful here. You just have to open your eyes. Pursue your dreams.

How to avoid the January Blues

TAKE ACTION: Stop moaning, it doesn’t do any good, solve the issue and depresses the people around you too. “How many miserable people does it take to change a light bulb? Non. They are too busy moaning!!”
THINK POSITIVE: Positive out look goes a long way to help your wellbeing.
SELF PITY: There is always someone worse off than you! Count your blessings each day.
PRODUCTIVITY: Got a problem? Take the bull by the horns and ask for help, make a plan and stick to it. If you can’t do anything about it. Why worry?
If you can, do it.
WATCH: something funny, read something funny. Have s giggle. Laughter can lighten the darkest of moods.
CREATE: your own summer paradise in your home. With some creative crayoning. Left over paints, cardboard boxes.. You too can create your own beach paradise and shut the winter and dark nights out 😉
RELAX: Listen to your favourite tunes. Music can heal the soul. Try Meditation. If you are reading this. You can google info in how. The more you ‘Practice’ the easier it gets. The health and wellbeing benefits outweigh the initial ‘impatience’
BREATHE: Go outside, Get some fresh air.
TALK: Talk to friends, ask a neighbour round for a cup of tea, coffee.
FEEL: What makes you feel good? Bar illegal and vile things. Do it!
SKINT?: Did Xmas ruin you? Make a resolution. Save up all year. Or tell people you just can’t afford presents. Or even make them for people? Times are hard.
SEE: Your success, hopes happen. The Law of Attraction is an amazing thing.
EAT: Healthy. Consuming crap really does make you feel crap.
DRINK: Lots of Water. Cleanse yourself. It’s available from your taps!
STOP: MOANING!

Go on then 🙂

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GHOSTS

Ghosts walk amongst us.

I have seen, I have felt. I know. It’s not about belief for me. Ghosts exist. I’ve seen them, felt them, had conversations.. (via a medium) Yes conversations.

Do energies, auras, magnetic fields and entities just burn out, fade away, and disappear when the body dies? What happens to the soul? Some of us are more open to seeing them. Some are closed off. Some don’t want to know. .Fear. So what if it’s all real?

How does that change the way you feel about the universe, your life, your lost loved ones. Could it make you feel better that they really haven’t gone? That they watch over you. Or pop in and come visit from time to time. They don’t want you to be upset. They want you to carry on with your life. Their higher self wants you to be happy. They miss you. But most know their life in that body is over. They hope to see you again when you become spirit. Some hang about because of regrets, things unsaid in their earthbound existence. If they were bad in life. Are they sorry now. Are some souls just bad? Never learning, or correcting their mistakes.  ‘Past Lives’ Each life, if lessons are learnt. All good, progression in your training ground. If not. The  same lessons will be presented. They will continue to be presented. (See my blog Past Life Regression https://claudsville.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/past-life-regression-session/ )

Some cant accept that they are dead. Maybe a sudden death, accident. Not wanting to leave, go into the light.

Then there are the things. The Ouija Board experiences. The messing with things that you really shouldn’t! Opening portals, doors that should remain closed to netherworlds. The people who invite the darkness. The stuff of nightmares that lurks beneath. Stepping through a mirror into a borderland of creatures, demons?

I don’t really practice ‘Religion’ as such. I’m more a spiritual soul. Does Heaven and Hell exist? I can’t say. Lots of books state it. Lots of people believe it. Different Religions state different beliefs (great! love, peace, whatever floats your boat) But sometimes; Twisting scripture, adapting, misinterpreting, persecuting each other, killing, torturing people with other beliefs (so very, very wrong. Who has the right to take a life? Does a book give you that right?) Wars are fought over land, greed, oil, money, power and Religion)

What if?

If I wrote a ‘book’ thousands of years ago. Filled with fables, lessons, rules, miracles or even ‘FACTS’. I’m sure in time it would be a best seller. If it was good enough and many people believed what I said to be true. Could I say a natural disaster was caused because people were bad? It was there punishment, wrath. Not nature, or yes? -Just nature. People could live by my rules. Generation after generation. Avoiding anarchy. My words would control everything. People would behave. Worship me, my ideas. With ‘my book’ I’d have ruled the world. As I believed it was the best way for humans.  I had insight.

But then again. What If it’s all real though? How exciting is that? If I’m ‘bad’, mass disasters occur. It my entire fault. My life is guilt, worship and confession. I must convert everyone!! By me living my life that way I’m taught. When I die. I get….?????? WOW

Have you ever entered a house, a room, a place and felt uneasy? What made you feel like that? Was it the atmosphere? Were you just being silly?

What if others felt that there too? Why?

Ever seen flickers out of the corner of your eye? Felt cold? Felt drained? Like your energy was being sucked out of you. Ever woken in the night to see someone standing next to your bed? Brushing it off as a dream.

To be able to communicate with spirits to some is a gift, also a well paid career. Others it’s a curse. It’s a case of training oneself to switch off the ‘noise.’ Asking them to not enter the privacy of your own home constantly.  Ghosts walk amongst us, on another plain. But in our realm. Sometimes they just can’t accept their death. Exist in limbo. They hang about, looking over loved ones. Lost, fearing the light as punishment in “Hell” “Judgement of their God”

People fear graveyards at night. Now let me ask you. If you we’re a ghost, would you hang out in them? Pretty boring. Places of activity, ways to energize and be entertained. Cinemas, Sporting Events, Hospitals, Supermarkets, Pubs, Concerts.  I don’t know all the answers. A dead friend who I get to chat to, through a medium. Says he can’t tell me certain things. (Frustration) I’m curious. He does tell me he is a lot happier now. In life I’d had the “please don’t haunt me”  conversation. We talked about this stuff. He had M.S. He always told me if it got too much, he’d end it. He did. It broke my heart. Around 8 years post death. I invited him. The reply I got (things only we said, knew etc.) made me cry. Cry with sorrow, I missed him, Cry with joy as I had him back to chat from time to time. Sarcasm at its best.

We’d lost 2 cats to old age. The end of 2011 and beginning 2012. So incredibly upset. We moved house. To start afresh. The cats spirits resided at the flat where we lived. When we moved. We didn’t see them. (Their spirits) My good spirit friend brought the cats spirits to our new house. He ‘visited’ and told us. We  now have 2 young alive Kitties Rambo and Pattie. 2013. Rocketman and Chickyboo still pop in from time to time. Truly touching. Sweet. Kind.

To me all this is completely normal. To you it may seem out there. Or you may agree.This is my experience, my honest and truthful experience. I do not suffer any illnesses of the mind, drug misuse or alcohol abuse. I neither lie or make up fables for attention. I blog my life, experiences, learnings.

I can’t, on your average day hear or see them. I can feel their presence. I once woke up and shot out of bed to one trying to get into me. He said he needed to do something, but couldn’t remember what and needed a ‘body’ to do it. That terrified me. We asked him to try to remember or leave. It was very rude trying to possess people!! He left. I hope he found what he was trying to remember. That happened in a flat we lived in read more experience on this blog about what ‘lived there’ http://earthtreeblog.wordpress.com/2012/12/24/the-sea-an-entity-and-2012/

My absolute confirmation..

I went on a ghost hunt (night vigil), with mediums, ghost hunters. On Halloween, a few years ago at Wollaton Hall (Batman) Nottingham, UK.

http://www.nottinghamcity.gov.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1037

Wollaton Hall

We spent our night exploring, rooms, tunnels, and cellars.

We all sat in a circle in “The Green Room” in a kind of cellar. Lights out. The green light in there was enough to see everyone sitting besides each other. I felt excited and uncomfortable. But knew I was in safe hands. A room leading off it. Chilled me to the bone. I couldn’t bring myself to enter. Others did, then quickly exited. So, we’re sitting in a circle, a vigil. It’s night. There are no actors or tricksters amongst us. Genuine, gifted, curious, believers and skeptics.

We made contact with a little boy spirit. This is when beyond any shadow of a doubt I had confirmation. As I sat on the chair. The spirit approached. I felt. Others saw. The child stood in front of me.  Then I felt an invisible hand, I can I only describe “kneading my knee” rubbing it. An invisible force. A GHOST. One of the strangest feelings. But comforting. Looking, I could see everyone in the dim light. I could not see the boy spirit. I felt him.

Photos:

The Green Room, Wollaton Hall

The Green Room, Wollaton Hall

We also had rocks thrown at us in the cellar. There is a room containing a very angry spirit. Photo:

Angry Ghost Lives Here

Angry Ghost Lives Here

He scares me shitless! Even paying a couple of quid for a normal tour in the day, from the wonderful tour guides. He is there. Angry. Hurling abuse!

It was an amazing night of adventure. Discovery.

I’ve also been on a Ghost hunt at The Galleries of Justice (Nottingham) http://www.galleriesofjustice.org.uk/tours/paranormal/

Some famous characters reside. The ‘Judge’ stamping his stick on the floor, next to me. Going underground in the sandstone caves/cells. (Not normally open to the public) We gathered round a stool. Asked a Spirit present to tap once for yes, twice for no. It really was like having someone invisible stand next to you tapping on a surface. Incredible. As we left that cave. Stones were thrown.  The spirit of a woman prisoner followed us through the cells, communicating through dowsing, looking for her daughter. The feeling of sorrow, the smell of urine in the Laundry. I do recommend a visit, explore and vigil if you get chance. Plus you get to meet lots of interesting people and make new friends.

A few years ago. My Wifey booked a surprise weekend anniversary to York.

We went to the haunted house. http://www.hauntedhouseyork.co.uk/

She got her neck scratched by an ‘invisible force’ in a cellar. You really are not alone in there.  In this Pic I can make out a woman dressed in white. It may be a trick of the camera, the eye. Like I said . We were not alone. Sleep tight.

Woman in white