Choices…Honesty

At times in life, one comes to decisions. I’ve come to a decision and conclusion. Tolerance of negativity is over. Being around ‘People’ who try to drag you into their own misery; If you don’t join ‘em you become the enemy. Have no place in my life. Yes I do have a choice. Yes I am empowered. Yes I am NOT in the wrong, Yes I am a good person. I’m not adverse to change. I believe I have the support I need to achieve this. If for some reason that support fails me. The ‘me’ of old will pursue justice to the ends of the earth. Life is too short. If I tolerate this, then which poor soul gets it next? A couple of bad apples can rot the whole fruit bowl.

I made a conscious choice for 2013. Success. 2012 was year of tests, changes, moving house, quitting bad habits, pursuing solutions. A rollercoaster. An assortment of amazing experiences. Playing live with The Idolins at Greenwich Park at the 2012 Olympics. To name one.

Learning to laugh again after recent troubles is hard. Re gaining self worth, confidence is a mountain. But “After climbing the slippery slope and never reaching as boulders constantly attack. One turns a corner, crosses the road and finds.. Humans. The grass sometimes is greener on the other side ;-)”

I took a walk today, to clear my head. The sun was shining. Too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice the beauty of nature. Things were coming to the surface. Its great when you bump into someone you haven’t seen for years, have a chat. Things suddenly get put into perspective. Blessings are truly counted…Again.

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I spent yesterday creating some new art works. After a self Reiki heal and meditation. (Bliss) I’m currently working on my emotions. They’ve been a mess. Recent stresses have taken their toll. Things snowball quickly with me.

I’m practicing patience with life’s big adventure. I falter, I pick myself up, I learn. Slowly I’m improving. At times I’ve felt weak. The old me would verbally rip to shreds any threats. Or just for my own amusement. How one changes when one grows and learns. Regrets? Nope. You become what you are because of what you were.

The more I open up the possibilities, see the true reality we live in. The more insight I gain. The more I simply CAN’T be around “wrong uns”

I’m often told I have an air of authority about me. I don’t want to be in charge. I don’t suffer fools gladly; I also each day shield myself for the barrage of psychic vampires, control dramas that ATTACK. All my life I’ve stood out from the crowd. (I’m nearly 6 feet tall) My in-laws say I am ‘Miranda” and love watching the slapstick on tv. I’m not quite. My humour is really dry. I’m really shy unless I get to know people. I have a crippling phone phobia. Stemming from shyness, my mum eavesdropping on my as a child, (Privacy issues) and a phone call about a close friend committing suicide. ( I dread phone calls now, wondering what other bad news I will be told. “Therapy”..yes I know ;-)) Plus I was born with a face that didn’t work properly. My speech, confidence, appearance, talking was affected. A major operation at 19 corrected that. I’m still at the age of 37 working on my shyness.

I find blogging therapy. The same as song writing, creating, meditating. The only person who will conquer my demons is me. With a little help by me NOT being in negative environments. Exposed like a lamb to the slaughter.

I’m lucky to have a circle of wise ones who help me, love me, protect me and advise me. The Law of attraction ensures I encounter inspiration and help, now my chasm of learning quests has widened.

My wife, the love of my life is my Rock. We’ve been adventuring together for 4 years now. It’s all only just the beginning. Every day I look at our home … life and am grateful for everything. We are both actively working on our health, growing more veg this year. We seek solutions to a few issues. I know the answer is close. The cure. Oh I’m not talking riddles, After 3 operations. Metal plate removal in face. I’m suffering a leaky cheek. Something nasty is leaking through the roof of my mouth. My Dentist, Max Fax Clinic, X rays, surgery have drawn blanks. Something is having a party. Sinus and polyp investigations to pursue now. I think my plumbing has a blockage. The answer and cure lies there. Nasal douching is fun. A terribly painful bout of sinusitis, frustration, horrible taste, constant leakage, soreness= not fun. Patience is the test. I’m hopeful after being distraught, pissed off and at a loss, after my last operation that failed to cure it. 2013. Getting it sorted.

It’s truly made me appreciate things a lot more.

When I truly step back though, squint at the sunshine. Absorb the heat. Worship the azure blue skies. Breathe the fresh air. Life is good. It has its niggles, set backs, but its good.

The horizon is in the distance, but its kind of beautiful here. You just have to open your eyes. Pursue your dreams.

1 thought on “Choices…Honesty

  1. One of the hardest things in life is to look at what you have. So many materialistic, ignorant people always look to the negative, what they don’t have, what they want. It’s refreshing to read that not everyone thinks that way. There are some souls out there that actually enjoy life for the natural beauty that this earth provides and not what can be purchased. Keep smiling honey, your AWESOME 🙂

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