A mind is higher when its come undone

Claudsville

I new that day was different. The sun bathed me with warmth I’d not known for a while. I felt calm in the darkness when the news was given. All of my dread and anxiety had lead upto this point. Now knowing why I’d felt like this for a while. I now felt a different strength and calmness. That whatever happened next, could not be as bad as the not knowing dread I’d felt for a while. Could it?

I went home from the hospital. Lit a purple candle and burned sandalwood incense. Whatever the future has held was going to happen anyway, right?  When you are surrounded by it. You get used to dealing with the empathy, seeing the fear, sadness and suffering in people’s eyes. You think you become stronger. Then the meltdown occurred. You do become stronger, because you have to. While other succumb. You have to…

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A mind is higher when its come undone

I new that day was different. The sun bathed me with warmth I’d not known for a while. I felt calm in the darkness when the news was given. All of my dread and anxiety had lead upto this point. Now knowing why I’d felt like this for a while. I now felt a different strength and calmness. That whatever happened next, could not be as bad as the not knowing dread I’d felt for a while. Could it?

I went home from the hospital. Lit a purple candle and burned sandalwood incense. Whatever the future has held was going to happen anyway, right?  When you are surrounded by it. You get used to dealing with the empathy, seeing the fear, sadness and suffering in people’s eyes. You think you become stronger. Then the meltdown occurred. You do become stronger, because you have to. While other succumb. You have to stand like scaffolding and hold the rest up. There is no blame, nor anger nor 1000 questions. There is a course of action that now must be taken and what will be, will be. Our time on this earth is very short. So really do make the most of it with yourself and loved ones. The spirits, ancestors are about giving reassurance. I am grateful to colleagues and friends for being just lovely. Thank you.

I have to decide whether these recent events become part of the 2nd book that i’ll write. The first one is now finished. During said meltdowns. Between the tears. between the meditations and acceptance after the shock. I completed. So that is just being proof read again before we upload to kindle and publish ‘Claudsville – Blogs and Biog of A Bog Woppit.’ The timing now is good. Just as I near 39 years of age. I close once, chapter- Well 14 actually! begins the new.

So here is the new song for the forthcoming record. Very inspired during ‘said’ meltdown. I’d had a long hot cleansing bath. Then just picked up the guitar. The working video clip is here.

Blood video 2014

I’ve been working on meditation music. But that will be released at a future date.

This is ‘Blood the song’

Comprising of acoustic guitar, mandolin and strings. I’ve kept it fairly simple. It flowed very organically. Clicks, warts and all. The experiments I capture is the raw musical energy that I channel through my fingers. Making music this way makes me feel very much alive and accomplished. These of the writing of the real things, the musings in the dark. A mind is higher when its come undone.Image

 

Am I Crazy? Or Is He? – How Addiction Warps Us

A Walk on the Wild Side

Silver-Linings-Playbook-Image-03 From the film “Silver Lining Playbook” about mental illness

He was already high when I picked him up from the bus station to bring him home.

I’d hoped after a month in jail he’d be clean and sober and ready to make a fresh start on the road to recovery. That’s why we were letting him stay with us. He had nowhere else to go, and we wanted him to be safe until we could get him into rehab.

But it was already too late for safe, for clean, for a fresh start.

I could have refused to bring him home, of course. I could have left him at the bus stop. But I didn’t. I had my suspicions, but I wasn’t absolutely certain he was high.

I was sure a couple of days later though when, after I refused to give him a ride into town, he disappeared in…

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R & R

Oh its May 2014 now. Long time since last blog. Taken some time out. Been busy with lots of stuff.

Discovery, journeying. It would be lovely to disappear completely for 6 months. But the stuff I’m busy with in the background is keeping me from doing that. The Faeries and Lakshmi have presented themselves. Meditation is oblivion. Music creativity has hit the big on switch. I think because we have been literally doing stuff, every weekend for months,  away at friends or working. I’m a little burned out as the doors of true perception are a jar. I need to gather and play Dead Island Riptide now and again. Sorting out everyone elses problems and issues took its toll recently. So I step into the shadows to recharge and reflect. I cannot help others if I cannot help myself first. The guilt of feeling ‘as a priority’ helping others first, has now passed and been replaced with a factual and blunt ‘NO’ at the moment. This all of course happened because it had to. The work, work , work ’til I have a bitch fit has finally hit home. Travel and adventure await. I’m excited. The hangers on, and the ones who make no effort in life and expect others to do it for them period is over. I still see the ones stuck in their sad pattern of never learning from what is being shown them. Some will not change. That is not my problem.

My book finishing begins soon. Things get finished when they need to. When the time is right.