2015 Year in review : Claudsville / Clange 

My 2015 year in review: Well ours! This year has been astoundingly good. We are happy, content, productive. I excitedly gallop into 2016 surrounded by love and intrigue. With laughter, warmth, food in my belly, farting in bed world records!   

 2 fluffy felines we adore. Music surrounds my soul. Ticking those wish list boxes. 
  We travelled around Cornwall for my 40th. I’ve stayed up and watched a Blood Moon in Glastonbury. We’ve travelled all over the place in ‘Daisy.’ Read adventures https://claudsville.wordpress.com/

See some great bands and musicians… Florence & Machine, Robert Plant, Seth Lakeman, Flaming Lips, Mariachi El Bronx, Gogol Bordello. 
Then there has been us ‘Subway Circus’ after a while securing the ‘right’ line up. We got there with ‘PP Johnson'(excellent vocalist and just lovely , funny Bloke) joining ‘Speed’ (serious and sensational) ‘Mr Delacey’ (The human mystery) and Myself (Claudine West)
  
  : Sweaty Drummer Weirdo with weird lyrics I do enjoy documenting our band adventures in Wi-Fi Subway Circus, Rock Band. #Nottingham The process of getting our name out there gaining new fans (not just making your mates attend) is such fun! We have more now this year! 😉 even more to come in ’16. Capturing on camera our jams, gigs is a scrapbook we will look at in the years that follow. From the birth of an idea to the practised and performed workings of a great song. It’s there for posterity. Bum bits, Funny parts, FCUK ups an all! The boys are all lovely. Big thanks to Angela Barker 

  
and the Gig promoters that are inviting us to play. See blogs here : 
http://subwaycircus.com/

We begin recording our Debut Album in January 2016! #excited
  
  

Oh yes. I just played a solo gig before the lurgy hit: Claudine West Music | Welcome to Claudsville
http://claudinewestmusic.com/
Thank you Mr Will Robinson at I’m not from London
  
Job wise; So after working hard. And possibly have to deal with a lot of liquid brown to get there. I got promoted, Ange got promoted. After a low point last November. I took time out. Wrote and recorded a solo album as therapy. Healed and have never looked back. Events have seemed ‘mapped’ slotting in nicely like a jigsaw. Like it’s meant to be. Confirming I’m on the right road! 
  
Our talents in and out of work are really recognisable now. The effort is paying dividends in lots of ways. In genuinely helping others, we help ourselves. Never been busier. 
  
  At times I just want to slow it all down and hibernate. Press the factory reset. Run away to California. The next projects of our lives are in the pipeline. 

What have I learnt and reiterated in 2015? 
Staying inspired and creative means being around the inspirational, creative hard working ambassadors in Music. Losers are arrogant self important puppy dogs with the mentality of inexperience. Don’t insult the veterans!
  
Listening to other people’s ‘dreams’ and their ‘morals’ which they adapt and don’t practice. Helps me quickly lose respect and walk away from what used to be a shared dream! (Take notice when you are preaching, look within) So ones mentors are human. I listen. Take note. But ultimately follow my own path. It’s my life this time round you know! Talk the talk and yes please walk the walk. Lots of BS big words do not mean you are intelligent and actually good at something! We can all take extracts from dictionaries and copy and paste in meetings! Get to the actually point. Simplify and speak of real practical solutions to problems. Then just do it! Procrastination is the curse of the unmotivated.  

  
  I’ve witness arrogance off the scale: Translated : You slimy, self important, unlikable thing you! Enjoy where that ultimately gets you in the afterlife: wash, rinse, repeat! ;-o 

I’ve seen selfishness in its raw self pitying, ‘poor me’ form. My only solution after advising is to disassociate myself. .. Or get stoned! 
But I’ve met more inspiring people: what’s magic? Their Aura, their drive, their insight, their intelligence. It’s a social ‘turn on.’ 
  
  Food: take away the media, the guilt, the preachers, the common sense. Hot pots, more greenery this year than last and avocados, water has replaced the majority of liquids. Still a way to go. But … Right direction changing habits. Dedication to the Gym membership is a must! My Xmas present from Ange antisocial exercise bike sits in front of the TV. I can shut the mad world out. Sweating in comfort.  

  
 I initially dreaded hitting 40. But you know what. It’s pretty good! Calmer in some ways. Busy, satisfying. As one evolves. You found the good friends one one hand. Maybe 2. The driftwood that has floated away for whatever reason. Happened. It takes 2 to tango. We are busy. Not an excuse. If people want to be in our lives. There is a requirement on their part to make an effort too. I’m quite happy having a ‘Facebook’ friendship from the comfort of my loo! There I schedule time in to update you all what I’m up to. 

  

 Unsubscribing is still a great tool on FB! I’m a tad rubbish after my busy day job and music, art, other things, personal life, sleep, shit, shaves, showers. Ange is the social one that organised things. Thank the power of Greyskull and Valhalla that our phones ‘joint diary.’ Now that technology is great! 

Next to do…. Continue what we are doing : Priorities: Health, Home business building, Music, buying house, California. More adventures in Clange = Law of attraction….. 
~ Claudine 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  

Beep Beep Boop

Have you ever been asked a question that you never, ever expected? There is the thing of being given sudden terrible news that shocks. But asked the question I got asked today. Ready… “Have you got glass in your glasses?” (should have gone to Specsavers.. I did!)

IMG_8971 Last time I checked my spectacles did have the needed lenses that help correct my short sightedness. I was torn for a moment of being extremely sarcastic, but chose to be professional. How mature am I? Maybe my new glasses cleaner is amazing? Why I would trot around with frames catching flies in my eyes is beyond me. When I was at school, a few of us went though the wearing John Lennon clear specs stage. The thrill of wearing prescription glasses kind of wore off after a while. Contact lenses, long days at a computer in hot environments leads to more spec wearing nowadays. Even thought I tend to fling off my double-glazing at the weekend and days out. So that was today. Nothing shocking in the strange life that presents itself on a daily basis.

Last night we spent the evening amongst a packed crowd at Nottingham’s Rock City (A venue I grew up in.. From the age of 15) throwing piss over each other. We watched the brilliant Mariachi El Bronx http://www.mariachielbronx.com/ (Mesmerised by their drummer) and Gorgol Bordello http://www.gogolbordello.com/ (Mesmerised by their accordion Player)

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The vintage aromas of beer farts were ‘heave’ inducing and have sickened my whole being. Identifying the perpetrator was impossible. As one point a woman behind me shouted “Jesus, It wasn’t me!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xey-d7iwhn0 That makes my flesh crawl!

To top it off tonight. Pattie, one of our cats. Waits. Yes she waits. She has a habit of waiting until we get home from work. Well saving some. To offload her bowels into her litter tray. This then makes us cough and laugh at whoever has to bag it up. Is it normal for female pussies to play for hours outside to come back inside to poopy? She was a stray and quite special.

So I end 2014 with a catalogue of work I’m proud of musically. https://claudsville.wordpress.com/discography/

and my book! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Claudsville-Blogs-Biog-Bog-Woppit-ebook/dp/B00M5IR94K

With winter ends with me enjoying a few TV programmes: The Walking Dead, The Strain and The Fall. Two of those created nightmares, the other fantasy. Thanks G.A! The next few months bring more writing and recording. Continued work on my new book, which is fiction. Character development is new to me and quite exciting, as I enter their world. The Robin and San Francisco connection is intriguing. Live band work beckons with Subway Circus. CV updated and new job applications commencing January, as its time to evolve again. I haven’t worked my arse off to become stagnant and frustrated. One can’t create positive change and encourage evolution unless one is in a position to do so.

With Spring, new beginnings and the sunshine I crave. Ange and I have celebrated 6 years together in 2014. Our life is together feels like it’s new. I made her favourite Nipple pie yesterday.

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Along with a nice long hot bath and candles. Ooh look it not even Valentines Day either! It’s the little things…. Every day. 2014, I had a few wobbles, questioned my sanity, had to take time off to sort stresses. My PMT and mood has evolved due to challenging circumstances. So I wrote a new album about it. Documenting what happened and how one feels is liberating. “The Narcissist and the Inbetween” Is one of the truest pieces of work I’ve ever written, performed and recorded. Digital therapy! Recording meditation music is blissful. It’s recorded live as it has to be alive, so no computer cheats. It was also good time to revaluate my career. I’ve also closed a door. I’ve noticed and increase of selfish folks. Who have a very high self-important belief. Ego is not becoming. Being completely oblivious, as to how obnoxious you actually are. Ooh dear! What a palaver. Not in my world.

As the UK coughs and splutters, enjoys more bouts of D and V in the cold and darkness. My world of potential and creativity again lights up. Bring on a starry night and a beautiful dawn in 2015.

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From Rage to Change. Shopping Solutions

It’s that time of year when the dark mornings and dark nights make me feel rather domesticated and a little down. In reality; I’m spending it writing the next book and recording 2 more meditation albums so the sun shines all year round!
To make our life easier and time manage around the full time jobs. I’m not spending it with the general public any more than I have to… I can assure you of that!
I got to the point of meltdown after working 18 years in retail. Customer Zombie Shopocalypse.. The moaning, oh the moaning! Dirty looks, aisle rage. People standing talking, blocking aisles. People getting in my way. Smelly folk, defecation, kids screaming… the Saturday midday rush when everyone and their horse came in in cause chaos queues. ( I’d go for my lunch break .. Conveniently ) Oh it’s all in my ebook.. Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit. It came to the point where I decided my time away from work was not going to be spent amongst this nightmare.
Occasionally, we do make the mistake and swiftly realise that. Stress on Saturday lunchtimes in a rammed supermarket is hellish and drives my blood pressure to blowing the choo choo danger! Time yourself how long you spend shopping. What would you rather be doing?
The answer and the future. Is internet shopping for us. We have embraced in in our home. If we arrange a delivery for between 8 and 10pm. We can sometimes get it for as little as £1. Bargain. We can control budgets, avoid impulse buying and compare prices.
After checking the ‘mysupermarket’ app for the best price on out cat food sachets, bulk, frozen, tinned, tampons, bog roll, laundry, deodorants and the rest. All get picked for us. We don’t order fresh as like to go local and pick ourselves. That is our only shopping excursion.
It’s Asda all the way with a hint of Morrison’s and occasionally Sainsbury’s (If we are feeling rich)
Lidl is the place to go for us. It has some right good bits in it. It saves us shed loads of money compared to the ‘big supermarkets.’ (Watch out, your greediness will be your downfall!) Aldi is opening shops all over the place near us so they will be tried too. I’ve seen a marked increase of customers buying brands different to the ‘name brands of old.’ I’m no longer a label snob. I buy and try new products. Being more health conscious than ever nowadays. ‘Fat bitch treats’ are great.. In small doses. A weekend of fruit, homemade bread, soups and lots of water and tea makes us feel a hell of a lot better than, kebabs and festive gateaux. Its slow cooker time now too.. Easy life! We don’t spend on booze as rarely drink. We got to an age where addictions and hangovers did not serve our existence well.
Amazon and eBay serve everything else, from my guitar strings, to vitamins to just about everything else. The car boot serves as a fun Sunday am Junk snoop.
As society evolves, I do hope the future gets all ‘Star Treky’ and with the push of a button drinks and dinner are served. But then there is the satisfaction of making things from scratch and living a simple existence. Mark my words… Self service started it. Don’t expect cashiers and queues to be around for too much longer. Behold the revolution. Embrace or stress yourselves with rage.
~ C

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The Living Evolution

When opportunity knocks at our door. We open and walk through. I’m extremely grateful of this one. Thank you! Three days in a cabin in Cenarth, west Wales, playing old vinyl records, drinking lots of tea, a drop of red and no phone or internet signal, has been a blast. Half hermits. A 7 hour drive, thankful I bought bog roll, shits and giggles, spiders, screams, spitting drinks out laughing, Spaced, Simon and Garfunkel and I never thought I would… Frank Sinatra on vinyl was rather relaxing! (Veronica – you were right!) Tubular Bells for the first time fully (howling? What was that?)
Watch a mini document of it HERE

Poppit Sands were nippy but pure and adorable, warm in my coat flying a kite with Jo and Ange, paddling. Followed by a stunner of a day in the sunshine on Tenby beach has refreshed the soul. Visiting family in Abertillery too made this trip very special. I always feel I’m ‘coming home’ when we spend time in Wales. The need to buy a cabin and disappear grows greater. Surrounded by trees that are about to turn into the amber and reds of autumn is mesmerizing. Cabin Ishbel is a dream to stay in. Writing and recording music there is a must!
Had we have taken our cozzies, i’d have been swimming in the sea on an unusually hot day, at the end of September! The golden sands are enough to tip the “let’s really move here” opinion of Clange. The sea air and sand in my crocs was the world I wanted. The dark long nights come. Buy more incentive to succeed beyond the present motivates unrelenting commitment to ones talents. I’m grateful for this time spent. Relaxed and reenergized is a good state to be. The boat and cabin means a little more workload in the meantime 😉 I’ll never settle for a reality that I live in unless it’s beautiful and inspirational. Living evolution of life means exploration and realization. Filling my life with the positives and disregarding wasted energy on negatives is extremely healthy. Each time I gaze upon a sky my zen lingers a little closer for longer. IMG_8210.JPG

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The Oak Forest Archway Adventure

The more I walk through the city, the more I want out. We’ve been spending more time in the countryside. A needed break after 6 months of solid work: Busy day job, book finishing, writing and recording 2 meditation releases as well as solo work. Feels fantastic. Break needed. Which lead to a camping weekend. Wood gathering, fire building, lentils and hotdogs. (not in the same meal) Put it this way, my guts have been cleared. Mead and merriment. Lots of cooking, ceremony and community.

We were introduced to a blissful little spot by a river that will be a great swimming and picnic place next summer. It was so good to be in the company of genuinely like-minded folk. Oooh quick flashback rewind to spent years on the outskirts of what I thought were real friendships at the time. Moving on. I’ve said many times before. Being a hermit in a cabin is a carrot dangled I’d happily consume.

So as Ange and I bitch fitted and bickered setting up our tent and camp. There was a lesson somewhere about teamwork we still need to learn! The lighting the storm kettle many rows. Especially at 06.30am, I’m sure were heard by more then the owls and 6 cockerels that decided to “doodle doo” for, lets be honest. Dawn until dusk. But a very nice man, Gordon with his hammock tent taught us some good survival and fire lighting tips.

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We were kept company by resident Alsatian, Max. A lovely dog. He guarded our tent. He also enjoyed his sausages and fuss.

Our brand new blow up double airbed disfigured itself on the first night. It went band, but didn’t deflate. It turned into a blow up slide as had popped up in the middle. On its return to Argos, we exchanged it for a slow cooker and hand blender for our winter cooking. I’ll be going for army surplus camping beds next. Ange and I have agreed that the kingside memory foam mattress experience at home cannot be replicated roughing it. This wonderful place in Sherwood Forest (Archway House) is pitch black at night, apart from the moon and stars. The oak forest and land is magical and beautiful, we drank well water and so much tea. The fresh air was purifying. Re a night time ‘waz’ fest. After temporarily losing our ‘she wee.’ Sore from lots of bending and gathering, I still am but pain it’s apparently good for you, when getting oneself into shape. We’d given up trying to crouch by the tent in the dark to wee. Arse mooning back at the moon. I just sat on the floor in the end. Upon showering the next morn. I picked off quite a few leaves from my behind. If anything fell out of my orifices. I’m pleased I didn’t see it and scream!

We went for a long walk the first morning in the woods. Dense thickets, spiders, webs! Oh the webs! We found it great couples therapy, tea flask and talking and exploring, collecting fallen kindling.

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Losing oneself in nature is really rediscovering oneself. I had got myself into a ‘back of my mind’ state that a tick would latch on to my bare legs and Lyme disease would follow. Spiders would jump from trees with web parachutes. I managed to law of attract the spider part later. As sitting at my desk in my office yesterday. I moved my workbag, under it, right next to my foot. I discovered a stunned huge 8 legged beastie. A ‘flid’ and people panic evacuation from immediate area later. I was saved my brave colleagues who collected it and set it free out of the window. I can only imagine the possibility of it has actually crawled in my bag on the wards and I’ve been transporting it about. We have more travels booked elsewhere soon. My regime of turmeric capsules. Then my swamp like ‘down it on one’ drink comprising of aloe vera juice, chia seeds, wheat germ, wheatgrass is kicking in. It’s completely vile. But does make me feel good.

I’m at that time in my life now where I enjoy feeling good. I need to really look after myself now. When I do see the addicts of substance whose downward spiral is saddening. It makes me feel glad I stopped. I had a life lesson shown me yesterday. I got on my usual early bus to work. I’ve started using big can headphones so I really don’t have to hear people on my travels. The early bus contains the night shift workers. The smell of over ripe bananas, McDonalds, fags and body odour is gag worthy. I overheard one of the passengers showing off in front of his pals taking the piss out of me about my headphones. (thinking I couldn’t hear) I chose to ignore. If it happens again though, I’ll go sit next to the show off twat! I thought, yet again I’m a target. I want to blend in and not be seen in public. A bit miffed I continued my day. Upon my return home. I noticed a man in front of me at the bus stop. He turned towards me. He had a face full of purple growths and deformity. I didn’t stare. I could see people in the street, quickly glance then look away in horror. I took a lesson from that. I will continue to wear my headphones.

I’ve now joined ‘Good Reads’ and am determined to read all of the books I own and new  photo 2  photo 4 photo 5 photo 2 photo 3 photo 4ones. I have more time available during the dark nights of autumn and winter. I have begun work on a fictional book too. No pressure this time. It will flow when it comes.   I’m readying for our next adventure…..

LISTEN TO MY LATEST MUSIC HERE CLAUDSVILLE

Mother of Wicca Patricia Crowther

Yesterday we met Patricia Crowther. One of the Mothers of Wicca. It was an honour. We viewed artefacts that belonged to Doreen Valiente. Now Ange and I don’t ‘class’ ourselves as Wiccan. I don’t just define myself as a Lesbian, even though I am one. Labels can be so stereotyped. I am a musician that uses instruments to work with energies and vibrations.
It’s great to meet the prominent figures that have done good and educated well during our adventures. Patricia has done so much good with the promotion of Wicca. Some hear the words occult and Witch and assume dark things, human sacrifice and devil worship. That’s an incorrect perception. There are any branches. It’s a wide umbrella. The media love to stereotype and misrepresent. Good news is no news. Scandal sells! You can Google until your hearts content on the internet. But the true secrets and inner teachings won’t be found on it. I’m no expert, I don’t wish to be. I enjoy the talks and teaching of likeminded folk. Folk I feel comfortable with. Folk that don’t judge me or attack me. Folk that know and practice the true sense of community. We know personally as friends and by acquaintance some prominent members of our community. They are good people. Ange and I can easily sit in the expanse that is paganism. We worship Mother Earth. We are spiritual beings, light workers. We listen to the signs. Practice our practices for the greater good. Not in the ‘Carol’ kills ’em all Character in The Walking Dead style mind!
The people we hang out with would be, I suppose ‘classed’ as a circle, not a Coven. I don’t wish to climb ranks or currently study. I’m currently putting in to practice my spiritual learnings of the last 5 years. That’s a job in itself! We use magic to varying degrees for protection of ourselves and others and for doing good. There is no ego, love potions. A lot of send it back candles this years though. A lot of disturbances with friends and ourselves have invoked psychic attacks. Like a freight train we can feel them coming. But that’s another few stories about egos and bitterness.

There was a debate with some of the speakers at the event around what the internet tells people. My advice is. Meet your local community, go to Moots and events, they are well advertised on social media. Learn from experienced folk. Find yourself. If you dabble with things you don’t fully understand there may be consequences. I feel very comfortable now with the people I hand out with. They are my spiritual family as well as some being blood or marriage related. I never fitted in, I knew I was different. I come from a family of Witches. It’s in our bloodline. I work with healing energies. I chose Reiki as a technique to channel them after discovering a natural ability.
One last thing:
We (Ange and I) go by the rule of 3! If you send it out. It will come back to you x 3. Make those choices wisely 😉

People who get drenched by vehicles driving past in the rain

The victims of road puddle splash by incidents make me cry laughing. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Yes it’s happened to me. But I laugh.

Today I riffled again at this poor person: I know the very bus stop. It is like a Tsunami when it rains. Queues of people get drenched. I now stand near by. I have chuckled out loud after a wave has hit an innocent. It happened again today! This was posted to the bus company via Facebook. Brilliant!

“Absolutely fuming, one of your brown line buses that was out of service drove past me five minutes ago whilst waiting outside city hospital bus stop on Hucknall road. Driver drove so fast through a puddle I am now absolutely drenched, got dirty water in my ear, eyes , face and hair even though I was stood well back from the road. After a twelve hour shift its the worst possible way to end my day, not impressed whatsoever.”

What makes my Eve’s apple twitch and other things of late

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I sat on the bus on the way home from work today. That particular bus. The Citylink 2 to be exact. Has got to have the most annoying bell, which is actually a sickening beep that goes right through me. Making my Eve’s apple in my throat want to retch out of itself. Yes vomit nearly came up on the back of the head of an innocent woman!

So lately. I’m getting over the 2nd virus in 2 months. Courtesy and perks of my NHS job and hospital environment.  So feeling a little wiped out and drained still.  Life has been busy. There has been a lot of work, extra work and music making. Very little leisure.  I find plopping down in front of the TV because I’m exhausted, rather irritating. But it’s had to be done this last week.  My crisp addiction has spiralled out of control.  I didn’t realise how  good ‘Wagon wheels’ tasted since I was a kid. Not helped by a new pound shop opening near my bus stop. Last week was full of intention of getting my book finished. But its not quite there yet. Something more is holding me back before its completion. Ange the wifey say just relax, it will be finished when it needs to be finished. So I’m taking a bit of time out to get rested.  Book writing is tiring.

 

After all the operations. My metal pins and plates were removed on the left side with the full upper infected wisdom tooth that started this drama off. Sinuses have been given the all clear and are really healthy.  Thickened Adenoids scraped, nose examined. ‘The’ painful molar tooth was extracted a few weeks ago. Pus has been seeping out of that hole.  But the pain has stopped. So its pretty shitty in there. But apparently healing nicely.  I went again to the Maxi Facial clinic on Monday to see a consultant regarding the on going cheek/mouth leaking.  An X-ray later and comparison to previous ones. The latest conclusion is that there is a ‘lesion’ above where the tooth was removed. The bats in that cave are now flying out. So I’m hoping with a lot of coconut oil swilling, colloidal silver, salt water rinses. This 2 year oral nightmare will heal. I’m hoping for discharge in many ways including from the clinic soon. So on with the super foods and getting myself into a healed state. We’ve been enjoying the after effects of Anges fruit smoothies. Thank you Jamie Oliver. The chopping it all up and freezing them ready to go in a bag was a great idea. When my knees actually work again after doing some Olympic decorating last weekend.  Now spring is arriving and the beautiful blossom is in bloom, I might get my bike out for my lake cycling.

 

Solo acoustic stuff is progressing.  I keep adding bits of my claudsville YouTube.  The ‘project X’ is in the works. I cannot call it ‘Wildkin’ like I’d hoped. So I’ve been reading Jim Morrisons poetry for band title inspirations. I’ve been hammering the drums with Subway Circus rehearsal. Such a good vibe with the band. I got so excited after doing an excellent ‘fill in’ during the reworked cover of ‘Mad World’. . Ange and Claire looked round at me and made me cock up. There is this instrumental part after the 2nd chorus that Dave the Bass Player and I can go a bit mad on, before Paul the guitarist plays his chilled out guitar. The absolute raising of vibrations is great. I can feel it through my bones and aura. We jam so well together. E.P and live work next. Claire our vocalist just fits perfectly. The feeling of getting excited again in a band feels new. Music is ever evolving for me. I can never let myself get bored and unchallenged. So I don’t. Like I keep saying. Drumming is great for ones ‘Guns’ it eradicates bingo wings.  Oh Band breaking wind / news. I’ve moved from 5B to 5A size Vic Firth drums sticks. Exciting huh?

 

@subwaycircus

@subwaycircus

 

SUbway Circus in rehearsal March 2014

Subway Circus in rehearsal March 2014

 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I, along with the kitties really missed

My wife last week while she was training in her new job in Birmingham. 5 days is the longest we have ever been apart since we’ve met. A weird feeling. But she is in a job, where she can excel now.

Thank technology advances for facetime and skype for keeping in visual touch over distances

Clange

Clange

 

Do I miss some of the other things I’ve recently left behind in my life? Nope, not one bit. Evolving and moving forward is a great thing for this Gemini.

 

I spent 20 minutes tonight trying to hear Ange on the phone, while she was on the bus. With the incessant background screams of a child. 20! Yes 20 minutes. I asked Ange to put her phone on speaker so I could shout “SHUT THAT FOOKING CHILD UP, give it bitty or something!” But alas she wouldn’t.

Irritating noises day.com!

I’ve concluded that I’m meeting far to many weird people, the world is too full of idiots and power trippers. The city centre where I live is a zombie apocalypse waiting to happen. I already see the walking dead.  Which I might add .. I’m really frustrated at the latest series that has, yes done some character developing, but…yawn.. spent it on a train track to Terminus. “Those who arrive survive!” I don’t care. Kill ‘em! Well you know what. I wanted more gore, more zombies, more drama. I’m hoping there is a horde from hell on Monday. Please make the next more action packed.

You only have to walk about and look into people’s eyes. The souls light has gone.  I need to be a lot more cautious with my law of attraction thoughts. So I’ve just ordered another really helpful book. ‘Ask and it is given’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It will be a nice addition to ‘The Secret.’   I have a huge stack of books to read now. I really must crack on with them.

 

The more time I spend in our healing room with clients, myself or Ange and I. The more I love it. The energies are wonderful in here. It’s my safe haven away from the chaos and the vampires who drain my energies.  I’ve got a job interview tomorrow.  I’ve got to dress like a clown and enter the room by galloping like Miranda Hart. True serious professionalism in a basket! It was the best application I’ve done to date. I wish all applicants well. To shine in life. I do my best and work hard and genuinely at everything I do. I will always walk away from the things that no longer interest me, irritate me and give me no pleasure or sense of achievement.

My honesty is not welcome in some circles. I stick to my guns. That’s who I am. I answer to myself, my peers, my loved ones and the powers that be. The rest can just fcuk right off.

 

 

Choices

So that time comes when we make a choice, the choice that will change one’s history and future. That choice that has been bothering me for ages. That choice that was forced when things all of a sudden changed into something that didn’t feel so good.

On a beach. One can choose to stay in the sand and shade. Or enter the sea and float in the sunshine, wherever it takes me.

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I think when one is pummelled with stress after stress and challenge after challenge. The belief in good sinks under the ocean. Body and mind tired.  Tolerance of others fades. Being surrounded by lots of people in crisis is incredibly draining. One revaluates what is truly important. My sanity, my health, my relationship, my family. The other things.  Am I getting the pleasure from doing some of those things anymore? Or have things changed for the worse? Do I have the energy to keep producing the good stuff when others can’t?  When did all of a sudden I become nothingness? When did the thing that I created become a thing that less qualified others controlled?

I have immense problems with people who think they are superior and better than me. That’s not my insecurity. It just damn rude! Yes how very dare you. Some undervalue or are simply unaware of my talents, works and achievements. I find it disrespectful and insulting.  Experience and respect is gained over many years of working at ones fortes.  That’s doesn’t also mean that’s an excuse to power trip and treat others as inferior.  Qualifications are great. I’ve met many with qualifications that aren’t worth toilet paper. How and why they got them as I see no evidence of behaviours, knowledge or anything leaned is baffling. Is a wise man that has survived many winters on a mountain qualified to help you survive?  Or the kid that thinks they know it all?  Then there is that teamwork thing, that diplomacy.  Teams contain leaders. Leaders that focus on a result ultimately have the final word, even if some don’t like that decision. We all sometimes don’t get our own way.  As one climbs the ranks, one leans a lot and passes down side ways and upwards wisdom.

You see that very wise mountain man survived so long because the villagers fed him. He’d once helped out woodworking. He was a very popular, charming and well liked man. He didn’t feed himself; others did as a kind of exchange for his work. After time he became unmotivated, life must be easier than this. He slowed down. Taking twice as long with his work.  Eventually he stopped making things, just relied on others charity.  He became lazy. This caused discontentment. Eventually the villagers took a vote. They stopped giving him their charity and he stood alone. He became weak. He fell to his knees.  They felt oh so guilty. Those same people rescued him and fed him again. He rested on his laurels.  “Ah those idiots,” he thought. He’d sit on his porch, feet up laughing to himself. He’d succeeded on fooling them feeling sorry for him. They were bad people if they stopped feeding him. They were all so stupid! That’s where he got it wrong.  Eventually someone got pissed off and shot him dead and burned is house down. Then spat, shit and pissed on his pancakes and walked away. Life and productivity in the village bloomed. People had the time and energy now they weren’t climbing that mountain every day. People went from being disgruntled and guilty to being contented. That man was soon forgotten about, as he never made his mark. It was always take, take, take. He’d played on his age.  Used the sympathy vote. That man was more capable than most, He just could not be arsed. People see saw through him. Not all, but some.  Some are very good at spouting believable bullshit.

There are people in this world that have a dictionary of excuses for themselves, that never take responsibility. Time runs out eventually.  Things always catch up.

There is a big difference between supporting and carrying people. There is a difference between the reputation and their perceived reputation.  We make an effort in this life, or we ride on the waves of others efforts. Some have no choice; life has been harsh in body, mind and experiences. Some are just too damaged.  Some focus and manifest ill heath as earning a crust is far too frightening and takes an effort. Some believe the world owes them something. The world owes you nothing. Some do the bare minimum, while others work their arses off for the same reward. Infuriating isn’t it!

So I retreat into my own healing. I surround myself with meditations and positive energies. Good people.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.  The ones that interfere, read between the lines, defend the undependable, scream the loudest. Confess responsibility of wrongdoing by outburst alone.

Implementing of change is challenging, It upsets people. I’ve done it. They fear it. They call you names, they try to harm you, they try to pressure you to stop, and they take the piss out of you. They rant about how absolutely great and right they are.  You may not get invites to their parties. But it’s not about popularity. It’s about what one wants to achieve with a project. It’s about fairness for all.  To evolve and progress. We must change.  To be open-minded is liberating. To keep banging out the same frustrations, stagnates a creative soul.  In the moments of true clarity. One asks oneself?  What do I need out of all of this? It’s not all about you. You may think it is. It is not.

Youth brings much arrogance. Age brings much stubbornness. The middle is when you find your true self. Do you listen to the masses that have decided you are wrong?  The masses that have a dictionary of excuses. The moment they are challenged. They attempt turn it around, like you are the bad person.  Or do you follow your instinct knowing that they really are. Time will prove you right. Some big corporations are rotten to the core.  Once they get away with stuff the first time, they continue and screw people over more. Eventually someone has enough. Some take a shotgun. Some take a grievance. Some expose the wrong ‘uns. Some just leave as there is no hope.

I will always stand my ground and up for myself as the world is full of losers wanting a free ride and to fuck you over on that journey. I sadly see happening more and more.  To agree to disagree is different from not listening to full potential. Closing doors on new ideas shuts you in a box.  A masterpiece can be scribbled in chalk. It is not necessary a polished diamond.  Getting problems discussed and resolved is far better than letting disillusionment built up. When things blow people go….

 I stand at the crossroads and.