Mind Chatter, Good Friends, Perspective.

So I’m cracking on painting new artworks. Winter and January time is really good for locking myself away from the dark and cold, with my wife and the cats, creating.

Rambo and Pattie

It’s been the time of year too, when we go into studio and record tracks. Save the summertime for the great and beautiful outdoors.

I’m really out of sorts at the moment. A recent physical sensitive injury (clumsy moi) and the continued infection in my left cheek have been really getting me down….. really getting me down. There have been moments of madness when I’ve wanted everything to go away. With only one awful solution. The trouble is, when you are down, there is only so much more of a kicking you can take. Only so much shit you can handle, being chucked at you from the shit truck. Plus being in a difficult environment where bad behaviors are not being dealt with effectively as of yet by the PTB, is poor for my mental and spiritual health. Trouble with negative ringleaders has taken its toll on my self worth. (I HOPE this can be resolved without lies, exaggeration and truth twisting, oh and plain nastiness) Like I’ve been told and continue to find out. You’ve got to have a pretty shitty life to behave that way to others. Pitiful. 5 years ago, (when my ego controlled me fully) had I been in the situation I’m currently in. I’d have dealt with any trouble with intimidation, sharp tongue and caused major upset(getting myself into trouble in the process, making others lives miserable, as my life was a mess then). Times and I have evolved through working on myself. Its certainly not been easy.

Maybe it’s time to ‘day job’ hunt, a fresh start? The plan is just simply earn a career from my Art, Reiki with Earth Tree Healing and Music (The Idolins, Subway Circus) combined. Be my own boss (The dream, the possible, the effort continues and steps up 2013)

We spent the night with good friends this weekend. Lots of wine and chats. Especially about feeling out of sorts. The great thing about good friends? The laughter, support, advice, love. Things get put into perspective.

I suffer from constant mind chatter and the creative souls burden. Moodiness and ego talk. Inherited and programmed worrying. Meditation and practicing Reiki is clearing this. But in the process it’s releasing a lot of emotion. Release is great though. Just not particularly pleasant at times. ‘Blockages’; energy blocks in meridians. Having a good service! Chakras (Energy Centers, vortexes) are being energized and balanced. Self healing is beneficial. I do love having a Reiki treatment, crystal heal from my fellow Light Workers. IT’S ALL VERY EASY TO GET INVOLVED HEALING OTHERS AND NOT ONESELF. If you don’t take care of yourself properly, how can you truly help others? Just as you think you are spiraling to the top of the mountain, an avalanche stops you in your tracks, knocks one back. DECENT RATHER THAN ASCENT.

When you go about your day to day things. Having woken, the sun shines, you are confident, eyes are smiling. Your days just gets better, people react kindlt to you and your sparkle..V’s getting up, tripping over the cat, rushed, headache, dreading going to work. Having a row just to start your day of which tends to get gradually worse like your mood. How different do people treat you. What are you attracting? You can change that mindset. IT’S YOUR EGO TALKING, INFLUENCING.

Right now I want to lock myself away for months. Be as far away from people of the moaning, damaging and draining variety that I can. THIS WILL ALL PASS OFCOURSE. Solutions are there. Positive solutions and options. Learning’s and tests of my patience (well, lack of) continue .

I had a TAROT reading from my gifted wife. “Temperance” Really does sum things up.

Temperance

I read my stars, Gemini recently, I rarely read the paper, but felt drawn.

Gemini

I’ve been overcome as of late with physical manifestations of unrest, upset. Things have built up to the point where I want someone to save me, cure me, help me. The reality. My mind chat has got the better of me. I, and only I HAVE ALLOWED IT. I’ve listened, believed all the doom and gloom its been spouting at me. I’ve cried, wallowed, obsessed, released, felt lost, frustrated, empty, hurt, alienated, angry, vengeful, done the “WHY ME?”. Just as ‘the end of the world’ 2012, which is effectively the dawn of a new era. 2013 continues to bring tests. All for what? Lessons, clearing.

THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN TIME. Patience. Belief in healing. Talking about this honestly has helped. Bottling it all up did nothing but make things worse. I’ll be a stronger person. I’M ALREADY more compassionate. Lessons from the POWERS THAT BE. How can you be compassionate, truly, unless at some point you have suffered? Your own sufferings (Mental, physical, emotional) cannot be compared to anyone else. It’s only YOU that truly feels the affect of what your problems are. OTHERS ARE bystanders.

It’s up to ME to shout… ‘BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER” to sort the mess that’s me out. Running off to get happy pills doesn’t treat my root cause. Meditating, laughing, being in the company of my good friends, does.

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Past Life Regression. Session.

INTRO

I ‘personally’ do believe that each life you live (Your soul, not necessarily ancestor wise) is a progression, a training ground to learn lessons.

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If someone lives an unhappy life, is maybe depressed, stressed, a major event occurs. Resulting in suicide. In the next life. Do similar issues haunt and dog that soul. Only released, when they have acknowledged, learnt?

Maybe some people can never be ‘cured’. Maybe souls can.

I ponder upon the amount of people who are institutionalized. Having admitted their gift of communicating/hearing others.. spirits, guides. Do you believe in Demons? Diagnosed as Schizophrenic? Maybe their Crown Chakra and 3rd eye are wide open? Not knowing how to control it.

How much do medical professionals shrug off holistic therapies? I hope one day they embrace fully for patients the benefits of Holistic Therapies. Along side the use of traditional medicine.

A balanced human is a happy, healthy being. Meridian lines unblocked, Chakras, vortexes of whirling dervishes. Open… accepting, wanting to be healed. They are aided in releasing stress, anger, and negativity. Achieving aids to make positive changes in their lives and ways of thinking to achieve equilibrium.

A person can heal as much as their greater good intends. Sometimes miracles happen. Terminal illness is cured against all odds. Hope, faith, wonderment.

Some people are not meant to heal. Some die, some say before their time. Maybe that is their path. As Reiki Practitioners; we don’t control the results of a session with a client, friend, loved one. We intend the energy goes where it needs to go and does what it needs. Sending unconditional love. If that person is so closed off or doesn’t not want to heal. Then we intend the healing go to whoever needs it.

I’m no expert; I learn new things every day. I can only express my opinions, thoughts and my experiences so far. Maybe in years to come I’ll express something different. This life’s a big adventure. I’m well on my path of discovery.

A big lesson is healing oneself.  Currently : I tend to get very carried away helping others. Only to neglect my own healing. Negligence of daily healing routine beings me here. (WHAT A NUMPTY!) My life has had had upset lately. I’m not coping too well. I’m certain it’s all happening for a reason. The 2012 Ascension from 3rd Dimension to 5th Dimension.

The dawn of a new age of more openness to spiritualism and peace. I’ve been watching Doomsday documentaries on YouTube, reading about RELIGIOUS hate groups such as The Westboro Baptist Church. Who blame everything bad in the world as the wrath of God. Being a lesbian myself, I don’t think I’ll be joining. Each to their own beliefs mind, whatever floats your boat… As long as it doesn’t harm others or incite violence. Negativity attracts negativity. The more I read up and practice the law of attraction. The more I understand and experience it.

I lay here in my sick bed typing this. (Again listening to Gregorian Monks chanting, finding peace) Feeling pretty sorry for myself, miffed at what’s currently being thrown at me, served up on the plate of doom. But I know by the end of writing, I’ll feel better. The rest is doing me good.

I’m currently struggling with my own previous neglect and physical manifestations. Guilty over enjoyment of my musician lifestyle indulgences in my 20’s. By body is totally out of sync after a 3rd operation on my face within 18 months. The last one to remove infected metal plates in my cheek. (I previously had a double osteotomy at the age of 19 to correct my face and bite)..That’s another story..photo

Now they are looking at polyps and sinuses as the issue. Being a ex smoker I could slap myself. Frustration. At the why me? But if I haven’t suffered, how can I feel empathy for others I help? Working towards a healthier 2013. Discovery as to why you are the way you are is an empowering thing. I’m lucky. I have Reiki Masters, friends, family, loved ones and very wise ones supporting. I had to crawl out of my dark cave a few years ago to ask for help and open up. Progression. Life would be boring if it were easy.

PAST LIFE REGRESSION

I had a past life regression session with Lyn Griffin. This is how it went these are the visions I saw. To try to explain. I’m aware of my own body in this life. During the regression. I saw visions, glimpses, objects, words, thoughts came. At times it’s like like watching a movie, being the camera. I was anxious it wouldn’t work, as was so very intrigued.  I’d had a taster session from her and found myself in other life in America in the west. Cowboy. A vision standing in a barn looking out onto a cornfield in the breeze and sunshine, feeling peace is as clear to me now as was during that regression. (I’ve always been drawn to the USA. When I went to Texas in this life and explored with some relatives I felt truly at home. Was rather gutted and considered eloping on a long road trip back on my return to England). I have a lot of male past lives. I’m very not girly, girly, nor do I want to be in this one. I do embrace my womanhood. But its got to be a very special occasion to get me in a dress ;-s

First Lyn took me ‘back’ from my safe place, a garden. Down a path. To the left trees. The right a long stone wall with various doors.  I walked this path until felt drawn, to a door; to a time in one of my past lives. This is my experience. This is what I’ve transcribed from the recording.

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I initially felt a ‘blockage’ just saw darkness, a tunnel and purple colours. I moved deeper down. Then I saw holly, ‘spikey’ plants. However we then entered a ‘back entrance’. I then became aware I was in a graveyard.  It was evening and misty. I didn’t feel threatened I then approached a stone church. A big brown door. Looking on the red wall surrounding the door, the year 1735 flashes at me. I enter….

To the right were the pews. I was drawn to a black door, which was on my left; I enter a kitchen, a big wooden table to my left. I see knives; a round saw hanging off the walls. The realisation eventually occurs that it’s not a kitchen, but a mortuary.  Looking around the room, I then walk over to a big black cupboard. I open it to find jars full of ‘things’ red things to what I can only describe as organs. (At this point I felt dread. I really hoped I wasn’t a serial killer in a past life) But surprisingly I didn’t feel disgusted, it all felt very normal.

Lyn asked me to look down at my feet. I saw light brown (Deer?) ‘felt’ boots. Tied round the top of my ankles. What else was I wearing? A white shirt.

I kept getting flashes of leather brown leather belts but I couldn’t work out why. I welled up with emotion and wanted to cry with the realization; that I prepared the dead for burial, with respect and care.

How old? I was 31 years of age. I was a mortician. (This would explain my obsession in this life with the curiosity of the dead and did at one point consider training to be a mortician or in Pathology)

Lyn asked how long had I been working there? 5 years

Do you work with anyone else? Yes an assistant, a young lad. He wears a green top. He is my helper, 17 years old.

Do you have family? Yes I have a sister. She is 29. I see her in a long off white dress.

Lyn then moves me to a ‘significant event’

I see blood on the floor in the Church, in the room I work. There is a body on the table. (I begin to get agitated, bear in mind I have my safe place, the garden if things get too traumatic)

The torso is cut wide open. I didn’t do it!! ??

I see green. It’s the young apprentice. He wasn’t meant to do that. They weren’t supposed to be dead on the table. He brought them there. A woman. My sister. Her eyes are open. I can see her dead eyes.  All I can concentrate on is her open dead eyes. Why did he do it I ask?

He was in a relationship with her.

Anger, Rage… he killed her and layed her out for me to see. Her organs have been removed.

I keep getting the word ‘leather’ and see brown leather belts.

We explore the significance of the leather.

I see a horse, saddle, Stirrups.

Then I’m in a ploughed field with a water/drinking trough. I’m drawn to a hedge. I look. There is a rag, a dirty rag. With something in it. I look.

It’s a baby. A dead baby. It’s his (my apprentice) baby. He didn’t want it. My sister is the mother of the baby. He cut the baby out of her and killed it. Killed her in the process.

I feel ..Why? Why do it.

What happens next?

I see my hands closing around his neck. I kill him. Justice.

I bury him in an unmarked grave in the graveyard.

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People ask questions. But I never get found out.

We move to me when I’m older.

I’m sitting a rocking chair smoking a pipe made out of clay, bone?

My hair is white. I’m happy, content.  My wife has made stew in a cauldron pot. I see kind blue eyes.

Lyn then asks me to jump to a happy time with my sister.

I’m running in a field of flowers, happy, laughing with my sister.

I look into her blue eyes, into her soul.

I’m asked if I’m reminded of anyone is this life.

Its Ange. (my wife is this life) I remember this 1st time I met her. We sat across a table in a pub. Her Aura shined. I felt incredibly comfortable. The beautiful blue kind eyes. Recognition. We are Soul mates. My sister in a previous life.

We go back to when I’m old. How I feel about my life.

I’m not full of guilt by what I did to the apprentice. I needed to happen. I still see my sisters empty dead eyes on that table. They haunt me.

We talk about my sister an our relationship. I see cobbles, She is very positive, jolly. Thin. Wearing a bonnet. We grew up together, very close.

Our parents died when we were teenagers.

I keep getting flashes of the colour yellow. I see yellow in the river, a stream. Sulphur.

My parents were poisoned by the drinking water. They didn’t know it was poisoned.

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I was left to look after my sister. I got a job, as an apprentice. In the church. An old man taught me, I’d met him through attending church and got talking. He had kind eyes. .. Ange’s father.

I then see my parents. They were Tanners. I see animal hides. I see fur being scraped. Leather. The belts! Really shiny belts. Making saddles.

The skills I learnt from my parents creating things. Helped my in my mortician job. Having used instruments. I already had the skills. I came from a family of tanners. They worked in round stone hut. I see the straw on the floor.

We then move to my last day in this life. I’m 63.

I’m in a forest, I smell the forest. Fresh. The leaves are on the trees.

Then I’m lying down on the floor looking up. I can’t see the sky for all the leaves above.

I feel something wooden, like a stake in my stomach. A spade?

I then go back to just before this. I leave my home to go to work. To the church. I journey through the woods to get there.

I’m approaching the treeline.

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Big tall old trees. I see a man ahead to my left. He has a freckled face. Tall thin. Ginger haired. Green eyes. Bad teeth. A woodsman?? I don’t know him.

There is an axe is a log stump.

He’s pushed me to the floor. I see red toadstools. I keep seeing brown leather belts.

He wants my leather money pouch. It’s attached to my brown leather belt with a brass buckle. He pushes me to the floor. He stabs me with something wooden.

I’m lying there, helpless. Looking up. The woodsman takes my pouch.

My last thoughts are concerns for my wife. I hope she is ok. She doesn’t know.

Then I see blue sky, peace.

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I feel no pain.

I’m a white energy travelling upwards.

I’m looking down upon my body.

My thoughts about my life. I really enjoyed my final years. I was happy with my wife. Her cooking eat stews.. Contentment.

I look back at what I achieved. I helped people go to their graves with dignity.

At this point my thoughts an feelings towards my apprentice were still that he deserved to die. He would have done it to others. I stopped him. He was on a very dark place.

I then move into my higher awareness. Out of physical body. Who I truly am. “Soul, Spirit.Energy”

My awareness. I’m a rainbow. I exist as a white energy. A spectrum of colours.

I look down to the Earth. See the fields. I then go to the place of my life learning.

I see steps. I see a man above me. I don’t recognise him. But he feels familiar.

Comfortable.

He is here to help me become aware of lessons learned in that lifetime.

I was there to help people, create things. Make things. Use my hands.

But I used my creative hands to kill someone. I shouldn’t have.

It was wrong and done in temper.

I was not meant to destroy.

If I could have done something differently. I wouldn’t have killed my apprentice.

I didn’t have the right to put that punishment on him. Someone else. The law, justice should have dealt with him. A trial.

Maybe the way I died was Karma.

Lyn: “Karma serves not to punish us, but for understanding”

How I felt about my murderer?

A tormented soul, greedy. Didn’t want to work for a living. He would have carried on suffering.

I worked hard all of my life. He took it away from me.

Seeing my sister’s dead eyes, I lost control and strangled my apprentice in temper.

My lesson learned. Use my hands for good,. Don’t lose my temper.

It’s something that I continue to work on in this life. I’ve been blessed with musical talent, art and Practice Reiki. With my hands.

I don’t lose my temper in a physical way.  The extreme..I’ll hit a cushion in a rage. Then go on a bicycle ride in the woods. But in this life I have to stop letting people push my buttons. Instead of a considered, calm response. I fly off the handle. Temper didn’t serve me well in the past life. It won’t and isn’t in this life.

I do get tried and tested constantly by negative people. They want me to suffer their horrible lives. I pity them now. I used to hate them.

Patience and calm are my aim in this life. The answers come to me.

Achieved by meditation. “Meditation” is the key. Natural foods, cut out the toxins. Water.

Walking away, taking a breath.

Lyn talks me through this;

I understand that I’m constantly being given situations in this lifetime to test my reactions. To force me to make different decisions to the ones I made in this past lifetime. Until I fully integrate the lesson. I will always be given the opportunities to learn. Since my first attunement a couple of years ago in Reiki. Having been closed off, full of anger and living a life of booze, recreational drugs, ciggies, constant upset, upheaval, moving house. Things have changed. Most of the time I see the tests coming. React differently. I’ve still not cracked it though. “I must never act or react in anger”

Slowly but surely, I make progress. I rarely drink. We cook from scratch from fresh ingredients (no ready meals) Started growing our own veg. I eat a lot of green things. Crave fresh food now. I cut out pop and now drink green tea. (well the odd bit of fizz)

My crisp addiction is almost cracked. Just chocolate.. Well cutting down. I don’t know if I could be dairy free. Who knows? I’ve never been a big red meat eater. A steak a year does me. I do enjoy chicken and fish. Have been vegetarian. I’m not here to preach how you eat.

I personally feel better pure. I do crave the odd cigarette still. Guilty pleasures…

We will see.

I continue to pursue my path to enlightenment.

Yes I do feel better now.

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Enlightenment, Oneness, Reiki

When you experience a ‘happening’ your world perception changes. I’m privileged. I’m a student of ‘Reiki East and West’ (West Bridgford, Nottingham, UK). The teachings of two wonderful Reiki Masters can only respectfully compare to Yoda.
The last two years have been emotional, life changing and frankly needed. Things happen, opportunities arise, fate nudges you. I discovered a gift of healing. During drunken band rehearsals/writing sessions(I’m a musician btw). I discovered I could detect injuries/energy imbalances by feeling heat in my hands effectively ‘scanning people.’ At the time I really didn’t know how, why. I went with the flow. A Mentor and family member sat me down one day in Wales (@our Circle HQ, I’d like to say the expanding group of us practice more to the Pagan belief system. More of that to come in other blogs) gave me a lecture (a good lecture) about my ego.(bad, mad,angry, addicted, intimidating, lost, messed up completely, and negative old me.)
The Powers that be ‘PTB’ and that “Eureka” moment, made sure the ‘please go back to England and study Reiki.asap’ message got through. I was born with the gift of musical hands. Creating things and using my hands is what I do, what I am.
From that day on. I began to slowly but surely making positive changes in my life.
I had Reiki western Attunement level 1. A year later (I had lots of work on myself to practice; The demons, hurt, upset; rage that initially came to the surface and out of me truly wasn’t pleasant. But keeping it all in was toxic.)
) I had Japanese Shoden Reiki level 1 Attunement by the same Reiki Master and my teacher. I personally felt the energies and techniques suited me better. Rather than the westernised teachings.
Guess what? Life has gotten better, I’m happier, healthier. I’m now (as of April 1st 2011) hand fasted (we class ourselves as married to the most wonderful soul and saviour I could ever meet)
During the ‘oneness’ Attunement for my Okuden Degree (2nd level Reiki)
I became an energy, a light. I felt no physical body, no physical me. But I knew it was me, a ‘higher level’ me. I just ‘became’ and existed as blissfulness, togetherness. I existed in, was felt like a terracotta/orange temple. Floating in the middle of a big shiny floor in a large room. Oneness. I created this picture to manifest physically the warmth I felt and the ball of energy I became.I’ve never in my life, my dreams every experiences what I can only describe as a ‘happening’. This confirms I can achieve my path to enlightenment. Not to fear loss of the physical body.
Successful Reiki practice is about commitment and finding the time daily. I find it challenging fitting everything around working full time. Practicing Reiki and helping people is rewarding. The more I practice, the more I understand, the more relaxed I feel treating people. The stronger the Reiki energy. The more balanced I feel. It’s a wellbeing I haven’t felt before.
Successfully working through emotional injuries, is like opening a jammed window and finally letting fresh air into a stale negative room.
The more natural and organic things I consume, the better I feel. Increasing my physical exercise and sending more time with nature (We changed day jobs, moved house and currently live by a lake, river and country park. I feel more alive and balanced than ever before. The more I work with the meditations, exercises practice mindfulness and oneness, The more humble, committed, amazed. I am grateful.

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