Recovery, lurgy, brandy = Sorted! 

Recovery for me from the latest ‘winter lurgy’ is aided by numerous distractions. One the initial sore throat, congestion, aches, feeling outside myself occurs. The all night murmurs of night nurse sooth my sleep. Upon waking it’s just wrong. Dragging oneself to work, when the duvet would be my tomb and my healing womb. The cats my nurses. Sitting on my chest and tummy like the fluffy residue that has ejaculated during morning showers. Should be illegal. Sickness policies also punish and ensure guilt for the genuine. Today the irritating cough throat tickle has subsided. My sinuses of course are behind the times. They need to calm and embalm with fresh forests, springtime and sunshine. Oh how I miss the daylight. How I currently crave blue skies in what seems… An existence of a mole in the dark.
  

Every year I promise myself it’s going to be different. Even though health improvements have been initiated. I was struck with the lurgy lightening bolt. Wow… It’s tiresome! I lived. I live. The feeling of rebirth upon full recovery is rather astounding. Fresh and fanciful. After stayed death and rancid pools of snot and a subsidiary of phlegm.co.uk 
As all around are dropping like flies. Filling chairs in Doctors surgeries. Being told to drink water and take paracetamol by pharmacies. 

  
Hot real lemon and Manuka honey. Water. Green tea. Bananas. Apples. Multi vitamins and minerals. Avocados took me to the mellowing.   
Sometimes ones had that many viruses. It gets a little easier. 

Brandy made it better tonight. 

  

From Rage to Change. Shopping Solutions

It’s that time of year when the dark mornings and dark nights make me feel rather domesticated and a little down. In reality; I’m spending it writing the next book and recording 2 more meditation albums so the sun shines all year round!
To make our life easier and time manage around the full time jobs. I’m not spending it with the general public any more than I have to… I can assure you of that!
I got to the point of meltdown after working 18 years in retail. Customer Zombie Shopocalypse.. The moaning, oh the moaning! Dirty looks, aisle rage. People standing talking, blocking aisles. People getting in my way. Smelly folk, defecation, kids screaming… the Saturday midday rush when everyone and their horse came in in cause chaos queues. ( I’d go for my lunch break .. Conveniently ) Oh it’s all in my ebook.. Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit. It came to the point where I decided my time away from work was not going to be spent amongst this nightmare.
Occasionally, we do make the mistake and swiftly realise that. Stress on Saturday lunchtimes in a rammed supermarket is hellish and drives my blood pressure to blowing the choo choo danger! Time yourself how long you spend shopping. What would you rather be doing?
The answer and the future. Is internet shopping for us. We have embraced in in our home. If we arrange a delivery for between 8 and 10pm. We can sometimes get it for as little as £1. Bargain. We can control budgets, avoid impulse buying and compare prices.
After checking the ‘mysupermarket’ app for the best price on out cat food sachets, bulk, frozen, tinned, tampons, bog roll, laundry, deodorants and the rest. All get picked for us. We don’t order fresh as like to go local and pick ourselves. That is our only shopping excursion.
It’s Asda all the way with a hint of Morrison’s and occasionally Sainsbury’s (If we are feeling rich)
Lidl is the place to go for us. It has some right good bits in it. It saves us shed loads of money compared to the ‘big supermarkets.’ (Watch out, your greediness will be your downfall!) Aldi is opening shops all over the place near us so they will be tried too. I’ve seen a marked increase of customers buying brands different to the ‘name brands of old.’ I’m no longer a label snob. I buy and try new products. Being more health conscious than ever nowadays. ‘Fat bitch treats’ are great.. In small doses. A weekend of fruit, homemade bread, soups and lots of water and tea makes us feel a hell of a lot better than, kebabs and festive gateaux. Its slow cooker time now too.. Easy life! We don’t spend on booze as rarely drink. We got to an age where addictions and hangovers did not serve our existence well.
Amazon and eBay serve everything else, from my guitar strings, to vitamins to just about everything else. The car boot serves as a fun Sunday am Junk snoop.
As society evolves, I do hope the future gets all ‘Star Treky’ and with the push of a button drinks and dinner are served. But then there is the satisfaction of making things from scratch and living a simple existence. Mark my words… Self service started it. Don’t expect cashiers and queues to be around for too much longer. Behold the revolution. Embrace or stress yourselves with rage.
~ C

IMG_8195.JPG

A mind is higher when its come undone

I new that day was different. The sun bathed me with warmth I’d not known for a while. I felt calm in the darkness when the news was given. All of my dread and anxiety had lead upto this point. Now knowing why I’d felt like this for a while. I now felt a different strength and calmness. That whatever happened next, could not be as bad as the not knowing dread I’d felt for a while. Could it?

I went home from the hospital. Lit a purple candle and burned sandalwood incense. Whatever the future has held was going to happen anyway, right?  When you are surrounded by it. You get used to dealing with the empathy, seeing the fear, sadness and suffering in people’s eyes. You think you become stronger. Then the meltdown occurred. You do become stronger, because you have to. While other succumb. You have to stand like scaffolding and hold the rest up. There is no blame, nor anger nor 1000 questions. There is a course of action that now must be taken and what will be, will be. Our time on this earth is very short. So really do make the most of it with yourself and loved ones. The spirits, ancestors are about giving reassurance. I am grateful to colleagues and friends for being just lovely. Thank you.

I have to decide whether these recent events become part of the 2nd book that i’ll write. The first one is now finished. During said meltdowns. Between the tears. between the meditations and acceptance after the shock. I completed. So that is just being proof read again before we upload to kindle and publish ‘Claudsville – Blogs and Biog of A Bog Woppit.’ The timing now is good. Just as I near 39 years of age. I close once, chapter- Well 14 actually! begins the new.

So here is the new song for the forthcoming record. Very inspired during ‘said’ meltdown. I’d had a long hot cleansing bath. Then just picked up the guitar. The working video clip is here.

Blood video 2014

I’ve been working on meditation music. But that will be released at a future date.

This is ‘Blood the song’

Comprising of acoustic guitar, mandolin and strings. I’ve kept it fairly simple. It flowed very organically. Clicks, warts and all. The experiments I capture is the raw musical energy that I channel through my fingers. Making music this way makes me feel very much alive and accomplished. These of the writing of the real things, the musings in the dark. A mind is higher when its come undone.Image

 

What makes my Eve’s apple twitch and other things of late

Aside

I sat on the bus on the way home from work today. That particular bus. The Citylink 2 to be exact. Has got to have the most annoying bell, which is actually a sickening beep that goes right through me. Making my Eve’s apple in my throat want to retch out of itself. Yes vomit nearly came up on the back of the head of an innocent woman!

So lately. I’m getting over the 2nd virus in 2 months. Courtesy and perks of my NHS job and hospital environment.  So feeling a little wiped out and drained still.  Life has been busy. There has been a lot of work, extra work and music making. Very little leisure.  I find plopping down in front of the TV because I’m exhausted, rather irritating. But it’s had to be done this last week.  My crisp addiction has spiralled out of control.  I didn’t realise how  good ‘Wagon wheels’ tasted since I was a kid. Not helped by a new pound shop opening near my bus stop. Last week was full of intention of getting my book finished. But its not quite there yet. Something more is holding me back before its completion. Ange the wifey say just relax, it will be finished when it needs to be finished. So I’m taking a bit of time out to get rested.  Book writing is tiring.

 

After all the operations. My metal pins and plates were removed on the left side with the full upper infected wisdom tooth that started this drama off. Sinuses have been given the all clear and are really healthy.  Thickened Adenoids scraped, nose examined. ‘The’ painful molar tooth was extracted a few weeks ago. Pus has been seeping out of that hole.  But the pain has stopped. So its pretty shitty in there. But apparently healing nicely.  I went again to the Maxi Facial clinic on Monday to see a consultant regarding the on going cheek/mouth leaking.  An X-ray later and comparison to previous ones. The latest conclusion is that there is a ‘lesion’ above where the tooth was removed. The bats in that cave are now flying out. So I’m hoping with a lot of coconut oil swilling, colloidal silver, salt water rinses. This 2 year oral nightmare will heal. I’m hoping for discharge in many ways including from the clinic soon. So on with the super foods and getting myself into a healed state. We’ve been enjoying the after effects of Anges fruit smoothies. Thank you Jamie Oliver. The chopping it all up and freezing them ready to go in a bag was a great idea. When my knees actually work again after doing some Olympic decorating last weekend.  Now spring is arriving and the beautiful blossom is in bloom, I might get my bike out for my lake cycling.

 

Solo acoustic stuff is progressing.  I keep adding bits of my claudsville YouTube.  The ‘project X’ is in the works. I cannot call it ‘Wildkin’ like I’d hoped. So I’ve been reading Jim Morrisons poetry for band title inspirations. I’ve been hammering the drums with Subway Circus rehearsal. Such a good vibe with the band. I got so excited after doing an excellent ‘fill in’ during the reworked cover of ‘Mad World’. . Ange and Claire looked round at me and made me cock up. There is this instrumental part after the 2nd chorus that Dave the Bass Player and I can go a bit mad on, before Paul the guitarist plays his chilled out guitar. The absolute raising of vibrations is great. I can feel it through my bones and aura. We jam so well together. E.P and live work next. Claire our vocalist just fits perfectly. The feeling of getting excited again in a band feels new. Music is ever evolving for me. I can never let myself get bored and unchallenged. So I don’t. Like I keep saying. Drumming is great for ones ‘Guns’ it eradicates bingo wings.  Oh Band breaking wind / news. I’ve moved from 5B to 5A size Vic Firth drums sticks. Exciting huh?

 

@subwaycircus

@subwaycircus

 

SUbway Circus in rehearsal March 2014

Subway Circus in rehearsal March 2014

 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I, along with the kitties really missed

My wife last week while she was training in her new job in Birmingham. 5 days is the longest we have ever been apart since we’ve met. A weird feeling. But she is in a job, where she can excel now.

Thank technology advances for facetime and skype for keeping in visual touch over distances

Clange

Clange

 

Do I miss some of the other things I’ve recently left behind in my life? Nope, not one bit. Evolving and moving forward is a great thing for this Gemini.

 

I spent 20 minutes tonight trying to hear Ange on the phone, while she was on the bus. With the incessant background screams of a child. 20! Yes 20 minutes. I asked Ange to put her phone on speaker so I could shout “SHUT THAT FOOKING CHILD UP, give it bitty or something!” But alas she wouldn’t.

Irritating noises day.com!

I’ve concluded that I’m meeting far to many weird people, the world is too full of idiots and power trippers. The city centre where I live is a zombie apocalypse waiting to happen. I already see the walking dead.  Which I might add .. I’m really frustrated at the latest series that has, yes done some character developing, but…yawn.. spent it on a train track to Terminus. “Those who arrive survive!” I don’t care. Kill ‘em! Well you know what. I wanted more gore, more zombies, more drama. I’m hoping there is a horde from hell on Monday. Please make the next more action packed.

You only have to walk about and look into people’s eyes. The souls light has gone.  I need to be a lot more cautious with my law of attraction thoughts. So I’ve just ordered another really helpful book. ‘Ask and it is given’ by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It will be a nice addition to ‘The Secret.’   I have a huge stack of books to read now. I really must crack on with them.

 

The more time I spend in our healing room with clients, myself or Ange and I. The more I love it. The energies are wonderful in here. It’s my safe haven away from the chaos and the vampires who drain my energies.  I’ve got a job interview tomorrow.  I’ve got to dress like a clown and enter the room by galloping like Miranda Hart. True serious professionalism in a basket! It was the best application I’ve done to date. I wish all applicants well. To shine in life. I do my best and work hard and genuinely at everything I do. I will always walk away from the things that no longer interest me, irritate me and give me no pleasure or sense of achievement.

My honesty is not welcome in some circles. I stick to my guns. That’s who I am. I answer to myself, my peers, my loved ones and the powers that be. The rest can just fcuk right off.

 

 

The Walking Dead Dream Apocalypse V’s Jersey Housewives!

The Walking Dead season 5. After watching last nights episode, venting, frustrated at having to wait until next Monday again at 9pm never mind how tired I am. I’m sat her watching Jersey housewives with the very thought…. Make up? Is nothing more than a disguise. Creating a false confidence and mask.  Plastered on by spectacularly shallow insecure and sometimes spoilt people to hide who they really are. My GOD THE COW FILLED LIPS! Some zombies are more attractive, useful and less caked in it!

The slight irritation of the reckless now voice broken Carl “CORAAAL, WHERE THE HELL IS CORAAAL?” Grimes and Ricks amazing ability to heal. His possible flirting with a more human Michonne is intriguing. We cried at Lori’s death having developed a huge crush on her during Prison Break.

But I wanted more zombies and gore!

We have already planned our moves, action and plans for the zombie apocalypse. If it occurs? We have the place, the plan to get supplies and sustainability for survival. Two 30 something’s on our weekend walks by the river, have set out some seriously great ideas for survival and build a future.

Masquerade by Claudine West

Masquerade by Claudine West

To top last nights shouts of “oh no, more more more,bastard next week!” I had nothing to fear except myself. As I slept my subconscious took over and gave me the most horrific gore fest, trapped in a house with zombies dream. Had my version been taped. It would have beaten said episode hands down on the horror stakes. What messed with my mind more what that if felt completely real. This is a curse and a blessing in my dream life. With friends ‘turning’ and closed doors containing rooms and corridors of creatures of rage and bloodlust. Being chased and trapped is one of my worse fears! So thank you Waking Dead. Not only are you my current favorite TV program. All of the George A Romero films I grew up with pale into insignificance.  The 1985 Day of the Dead was watched over and over by me. Reveling in the gore. The amount of poor zombie film around nowadays, fills up LOVEFiLM with one and two star ratings. Disappointing. Claudine’s dreams 8/10.

Choices

So that time comes when we make a choice, the choice that will change one’s history and future. That choice that has been bothering me for ages. That choice that was forced when things all of a sudden changed into something that didn’t feel so good.

On a beach. One can choose to stay in the sand and shade. Or enter the sea and float in the sunshine, wherever it takes me.

Image

I think when one is pummelled with stress after stress and challenge after challenge. The belief in good sinks under the ocean. Body and mind tired.  Tolerance of others fades. Being surrounded by lots of people in crisis is incredibly draining. One revaluates what is truly important. My sanity, my health, my relationship, my family. The other things.  Am I getting the pleasure from doing some of those things anymore? Or have things changed for the worse? Do I have the energy to keep producing the good stuff when others can’t?  When did all of a sudden I become nothingness? When did the thing that I created become a thing that less qualified others controlled?

I have immense problems with people who think they are superior and better than me. That’s not my insecurity. It just damn rude! Yes how very dare you. Some undervalue or are simply unaware of my talents, works and achievements. I find it disrespectful and insulting.  Experience and respect is gained over many years of working at ones fortes.  That’s doesn’t also mean that’s an excuse to power trip and treat others as inferior.  Qualifications are great. I’ve met many with qualifications that aren’t worth toilet paper. How and why they got them as I see no evidence of behaviours, knowledge or anything leaned is baffling. Is a wise man that has survived many winters on a mountain qualified to help you survive?  Or the kid that thinks they know it all?  Then there is that teamwork thing, that diplomacy.  Teams contain leaders. Leaders that focus on a result ultimately have the final word, even if some don’t like that decision. We all sometimes don’t get our own way.  As one climbs the ranks, one leans a lot and passes down side ways and upwards wisdom.

You see that very wise mountain man survived so long because the villagers fed him. He’d once helped out woodworking. He was a very popular, charming and well liked man. He didn’t feed himself; others did as a kind of exchange for his work. After time he became unmotivated, life must be easier than this. He slowed down. Taking twice as long with his work.  Eventually he stopped making things, just relied on others charity.  He became lazy. This caused discontentment. Eventually the villagers took a vote. They stopped giving him their charity and he stood alone. He became weak. He fell to his knees.  They felt oh so guilty. Those same people rescued him and fed him again. He rested on his laurels.  “Ah those idiots,” he thought. He’d sit on his porch, feet up laughing to himself. He’d succeeded on fooling them feeling sorry for him. They were bad people if they stopped feeding him. They were all so stupid! That’s where he got it wrong.  Eventually someone got pissed off and shot him dead and burned is house down. Then spat, shit and pissed on his pancakes and walked away. Life and productivity in the village bloomed. People had the time and energy now they weren’t climbing that mountain every day. People went from being disgruntled and guilty to being contented. That man was soon forgotten about, as he never made his mark. It was always take, take, take. He’d played on his age.  Used the sympathy vote. That man was more capable than most, He just could not be arsed. People see saw through him. Not all, but some.  Some are very good at spouting believable bullshit.

There are people in this world that have a dictionary of excuses for themselves, that never take responsibility. Time runs out eventually.  Things always catch up.

There is a big difference between supporting and carrying people. There is a difference between the reputation and their perceived reputation.  We make an effort in this life, or we ride on the waves of others efforts. Some have no choice; life has been harsh in body, mind and experiences. Some are just too damaged.  Some focus and manifest ill heath as earning a crust is far too frightening and takes an effort. Some believe the world owes them something. The world owes you nothing. Some do the bare minimum, while others work their arses off for the same reward. Infuriating isn’t it!

So I retreat into my own healing. I surround myself with meditations and positive energies. Good people.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.  The ones that interfere, read between the lines, defend the undependable, scream the loudest. Confess responsibility of wrongdoing by outburst alone.

Implementing of change is challenging, It upsets people. I’ve done it. They fear it. They call you names, they try to harm you, they try to pressure you to stop, and they take the piss out of you. They rant about how absolutely great and right they are.  You may not get invites to their parties. But it’s not about popularity. It’s about what one wants to achieve with a project. It’s about fairness for all.  To evolve and progress. We must change.  To be open-minded is liberating. To keep banging out the same frustrations, stagnates a creative soul.  In the moments of true clarity. One asks oneself?  What do I need out of all of this? It’s not all about you. You may think it is. It is not.

Youth brings much arrogance. Age brings much stubbornness. The middle is when you find your true self. Do you listen to the masses that have decided you are wrong?  The masses that have a dictionary of excuses. The moment they are challenged. They attempt turn it around, like you are the bad person.  Or do you follow your instinct knowing that they really are. Time will prove you right. Some big corporations are rotten to the core.  Once they get away with stuff the first time, they continue and screw people over more. Eventually someone has enough. Some take a shotgun. Some take a grievance. Some expose the wrong ‘uns. Some just leave as there is no hope.

I will always stand my ground and up for myself as the world is full of losers wanting a free ride and to fuck you over on that journey. I sadly see happening more and more.  To agree to disagree is different from not listening to full potential. Closing doors on new ideas shuts you in a box.  A masterpiece can be scribbled in chalk. It is not necessary a polished diamond.  Getting problems discussed and resolved is far better than letting disillusionment built up. When things blow people go….

 I stand at the crossroads and.  

In The Eye Of The Storm

We’ve found ourselves recently in the eye of a storm. We continue to work on our calm, happiness and bliss. A perfect circle. Cycles of laughter, pmt, laughter, pmt…;-0

But our bubble of joy is surrounded by pricks and others, who continue to attract and follow the same destructive patterns in their lives. If you burst my zit over the holidays, I’ll not be a happy bunny and will fang you up! Attracting bad situations that manifest from a whim, or a desperate reach out at what they believe  to be ‘happiness.’ Oh yes it seemed like a good idea at the time to throw fancy at the wind. But the wind became a tornado spinning the same carnage, a whirling dervish of pain and upset. Broken lives, emotions lay scattered in its wake. Some will try to drag others down once that self destruct choice is made. It is a choice. Because the choice of asking for help when the alarm bells start ringing is there. Once the demons invited, it’s harder to get it caged and sent packing. Some people are plain nasty. Please stop being nasty. Your Karma will be horrific.  At what point do those voices in your head or urges become so frighteningly dangerous. The concept of reality and normality is lost? Right and wrong no longer exists to them.  I’m a strong believer in having people ‘sectioned’ for the safety of themselves and others before that final line is crossed.

Now I’m no preacher. But have seen a lot of this lately. Some drink to excess. Some drink every day. Some use it as a form of relaxation. Some use it as escape. Some love it and have great times a long way from tipsy. Some are just addicted.  I like a good drink. But no longer use it as an anaesthetic for my troubles, or courage for my fun. I’ve seen what it does when it gets out of control. It destroys people.  I used to think. I’ll never even last a night without a bottle of wine. I did and now can give or take it. Being skint made that choice for me initially and helped be stop a destructive routine. The red rain of rouge occasionally makes the next day a doom, boff and gloom day. But I’ll do it again and again.  

There is a lot of ‘poor me’ going on and very little counting of blessings. Let me assure you, again. There is always someone far worse off than you. That person has also made peace with the awfulness they have experienced and has found contentment, even in their final moments on this earth. Of Course we get some that just can’t handle life and what lessons it gives you. Never learning and breaking habits and cycles. Unhappiness can be written down on a piece of paper, verbally dictated, sign language. Various methods can be utilized. So I ask you. Why is your life such a mess. You blame whom? I ask what have you done to get out of that mess? Have you attracted more of the same to yourself? Are you Groundhog day in the flesh? How many spirits think oooh I’m so glad I killed myself. Pat on the back.. My life could have been…..Had I had made a different choice and mindset. You have the freedom to choose. Live, be happy for the small time you have here. Or let the darkness continue. Sunrise is beautiful. A fresh breeze fills one with vitality. Beyond the gate lies your happiness. Of course If you are already happy, beyond is this moment.  If you’ve mastered mindfulness, well done you! So shake up your buttercups. Start living in the light. With a bit of practice and perseverance, You will want to water the daisies not push ’em up. Image

Book coming soon

FYI. I’m near completion of my book.
I hope to have it finished over the next few months.
I’ve found it liberating, cleansing, therapeutic. Unlocking forgotten memories, good stuff, learnings, emotion. Understanding the experiences with the bad stuff and people in this world. As they got me to here.

20130514-074836.jpg

Spring means one thing…change. Good change.

Spring is here.

Image

Yes Snow chaos in the UK.  So glad we invested in new snow boots and coats for the ever-evolving seasons to wet, wet and wet. Gregorian Monk chants have now been replaced with Led Zeppelin, The Doors and Pink Floyd.

Discovery is an enlightening experience.  If I learn something every week. I know I’m doing well. I’ve been working my kebabs off lately finishing my Reiki certificate homework, NVQ Merit work. Creating art, designing stuff for our Earth Tree Healing Projects. Attending a great course ‘Liberating The Talents’ for personal development (Thank you NHS) all helps with my career path and ambitions.

I’ve had the lurgy for a good few weeks now. So overwork, no rest working 12 days on the trot in the hospital. Wiped Claudsvilles vagazzle out. Luckily I have some great work colleagues that when the going gets tough. Sit quietly and let me snore on my lunch break. Plus some good daily banter and music is refreshing.

As one door closes day job wise another few open. Fate handed us a break. Then said. RIGHT its really time to crack on now with Earth Tree Healing. So you are gonna get a slap round the chops and no choice but to do it now!! One giant leap of faith required. A few tears and fears. Then determination. Then our cat shat on the bathroom mat, I tripped over and we both laughed so very much.

The forces of darkness are bullying the lightworkers, testing us. Faith, belief, positive mental attitude. Knowing, seeing the goal is in reach. Life is learning and tests. As the saying goes. It’s not what happens, its how you handle it.

I’ve been experiencing so very weird dreams lately. My messages come through them. The knowing of being watched and influenced has been dealt with. Our time, minds and privacy are ours again. Some people can lead you down the wrong path. Well the path they believe is our one. But actually. It’s the one they want. In reality, it was a diversion to learn a few painful lessons. My detour is at and end. I crossed over and am now ‘walking the walk’ slowly but surely on the right road.

I’m looking forward to gigs and recording with the Idolins.  & other music projects. Now my time is freed up.

I’m actually looking forward to mowing the lawn. I find it therapeutic. Even though it’s tiny. Planting our food and lots of lovely plants is going to be fun this year. I need to be surrounded by greenery. A paradise.

Working on a new art project with old guitars (Watch this space) Creating brings me so much joy.

I collected my new spectacles today to the enjoyment of Ange pissing herself at how I say spectacles!! “OOOH I CAN SEE”

Nice to have non contact lens days in the dust. Ange is sat next to me shouting and squeaking impersonations of me now cracking herself up. (OOH I love people reading over my shoulder)

We’ve been raising the vibrations of our home, cleansing, burning Anges incense. Laughter, love, harmony.