A Last Day In Paradise

As the last full day here reality hits. We are going to miss the sunshine. But have the hot tub and kitty cats to go back to. With Ange’s new found love of American Football. We have experienced a lot. 

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Couldn’t do everything, but got a glimpse of life in LA. Tourism in Vegas and we got to go to The Castro in San Francisco. We don’t want to eat bacon for a while upon our return. The walking has done us good. The sun has definitely raised our vitamin D and happiness levels. Zuma Beach and Malibu has been both Mine and Ange’s favourite place. Vegas is Vegas. It’s a crazy place. Maybe we will come back to Vegas in 10 years. Who knows. Definitely Los Angeles and San Francisco. Won’t miss the cheesy feet smell each time we walk past the ‘posh shops’ at Caesar’s Palace, each time we come and go to our room. It nearly put me off Cheetos for life! 

21.10.17 (T-Minus 8 hours, Pacific time, plus tax and tips) Buffet Breakfast at Balleys. 
Flamingos at The Flamingo and Pelicans. 

A bit of a flutter. I’m no gambler, I’m a creative. I’ll stick to what I’m good at. 

Pool chillout afternoon and then a ‘last night’ family Italian Dinner at Maggiano’s (really good food!) and bed. 

Lovely time had on this adventure to San Francisco, Orange County, Los Angeles, Through the Mojave Desert, Las Vegas, Lake, Mead, The Hoover Dam on the Nevada / Arizona State Line. Great holiday and experience. Really relaxed. Vegas is a crazy place. Looking forward to a proper pot of tea and a fig roll. Get ready for the jet lag…. 

In the back of a Cab on the way back tonight. 


Sunset Boulevard with Clange

‘Denny was working it real hardDown Sunset Boulevard. Back in 1973. Why would he bother going home. His parents left him on his own. Who knows. Maybe they were out getting stoned’

Sunset Boulevard and the stars walk of fame. Every few paces you get harassed by people peddling their CD’s, up front in yer face. Offering them for free. Only to harass anyone who takes one for a donation. If I’d have known I’d have taken some of my own to give them. Nice little trot around star hand imprints, bar the constant harassment and dickhead behaviour. Some stars have tiny feet compared to my clod hoppers! 

In temperatures of 36c it was time to chillout with water and ice cream and shout ‘Arse’ really loud Tourette’s style when Ange asked me what I was thinking about. (You had to be there)  A hearty lunch at hooters. Why have I never gone before in Nottingham? 

The pilgrimage to the infamous Whisky A Go-Go. Where one of my favourite bands, The Doors played. Then back to driving around in LA traffic again… oooh the traffic! Carpools are great though. But makes me want to be away from cities. Countryside and coastal. 
Some outlet shopping. Then it was off to the pool to relax and chat about the UK with gold in the jacuzzi.  Oh yes… Pool dippy dippy because jaws and man o wars don’t live in pools! No kid turds either… for Clange! Everyone is so friendly here. It’s so refreshing. Make me so ashamed of my own crippling antisocialness. Ange has my back as she is chattier than a shivering horse on acid. 

It’s been a whistle stop tour of Los Angeles. Yes I want to return. Only so much we could fit in between the constant troffing marathons 😉 
With them playing ‘yellow car’ and tramp spotting.. which awarded ‘tramp stamps’ kudos for tents, trolleys etc. A lot pitch tents literally on the sloping verges on highways… noise, pollution, is it safer?Again. In the 21st century I ask is it a choice due to drug/alcohol addiction, circumstances, mental health? What is society doing? Where is the help? Like in San Francisco.. where the tour guides don’t tell you how bad it is. Trump what are you doing? But like various locals told us there.. there is help, food, shelter, restraining. They just choose in an all year sunny climate to do what they do on the streets. 

Off to Vegas in the morn. 

Zuma Beach, Santa Monica Pier, Fat Sal’s, Rodeo Drive… and then…. 

14th October 2017 (Bear in mind I’m 8 hours behind UK time and write this upon return to wifi and hotel in our evenings and during travels)

So began another sunny day with breakfast  today at John O’Groats, great pancakes! 

Paul Tyler. Lovely bloke. Ange walked in with ‘my’ Sonic Youth T-Shirt. He told her the band used to frequent here, as one of their mothers used to live nearby. 

We then travelled down the Pacific Coast Highway in October sunshine. I strongly feel I must live in Malibu. 

Tour guide Ange (Ariel Cadaver / Jennifer Bilathorpe the 3rd) did a commentary – Watch the video: 

We then went to Zuma beach. The locals beach. The Pacific Ocean is a beautiful thing. With its powerful waves crashing and pulling me closer into its world. Just beautiful. Again we stood out like the tourists we are on Earth. Ange chatted to a nice couple. They apologised for the wildfires, saying the smoke stopped a better view of the coast. Bless. No apologies….The air feels fresher than Nottingham and my sinuses clearer….if that’s anything to go by? The Pacific Ocean is an amazing thing. I look upon each sea and ocean I visit in this world as an energy, entity to be respected and absorbed. No Jaws or Jellies. So all good! 

Oh and ice freeze head and internal organ killers…. 

Next stop Santa Monica Pier and beach. Let the pictures here talk…

Dinner on Gayley Avenue at Fat Sal’s. I had one of the best sandwiches of my life here. Go there! The ‘Jaime’ OMG! Ange had The ‘Joey.’

And a drive around Beverley Hills, Rodeo Drive. Posh shops. Give me a music shop any day! A different world of wealth and labels that you can’t take with you at clogs popping time. Give me a free sea breeze any day. 

I do feel really comfortable in Los Angeles. It’s like coming home in some past or future life. LA is huge. Love the city of Angels quickening sunsets.

And then… After 5 days of utter bitch fits, meaning, withdrawal… Walmart saved the day with a $13 kettle and PG tips. What goes soon to Vegas… will stay in Vegas! I’m not bringing the bloody kettle back Angela! 

Domestic laundry bliss…. with wifey Ange (Snorey McSnore curtain inhailer extraordinaire) 

Day 6 Universal Studios LA

Los Angeles. Angels live here: 

13.10.17 Ange’s good English tea withdrawals had begun to traumatise her. 

Watch the video… ha ha ha ha. 

Part 1 Universal Studios https://youtu.be/7NJLWszllPQ

13.10.17 Universal Studios pt 2 inc Jaws & Animal Actors 

After a hearty hotel breakfast. We headed out on the highway. 

A day at Universal Studios. 

Top tips. Get the front of line ticket. If you have big boobage. Don’t waste your time queueing for Harry Potter. They won’t fit :-0 Had a great time on the Transformers ride, Jurassic Park water ride was fun and wet! 

Enjoyed the tour of Universal Studio lot. Until the Fast and Furious finale. The abruptly and prematurely ended after a little shit of a kid jumped out the cart, setting off all the sensors. 

The live animal show (Including rescue animals) was wonderful. 

Getting stuck in LA traffic on highway 101 for ages. Enabled us to view the array of tents for tramps on the banks by the highway. 

Pics :

Day 5 Hello LA

12.10.17 Today we waved goodbye to San Francisco 

…for now and flew through smokey skies to Los Angeles. 

Video here

With my Brother turning into Sweary Mary every time I recorded a video clip. (I’m clearly Angelic and never utter such words) 

Whilst choosing the Dodge rental from the row. Ange ad my Bto clearly did not see the bloke sat in his choice. Ignoring the warning from us. They both proceeded to open the boot and door. He hastily drove off while we pissed. 

Checking into Knott’s Berry Farm Hotel. It feels like a proper holiday hotel. We stuffed our faces with burgers and some Mahosive pizza. Dropped the kids off st the pool. Then headed out to Long Beach. I was grateful to be sat in the front. As poor Ange and Adele bore the brunt of the air con blow back brother fart. 

Heading off to Long Beach for a paddle and Ice Cream. I got foot pecked by a pigeon. Then Alfred Hitchcock and the cast of birds from ‘The Birds’ descended for some waffle cone! 

After doing their Mitch Buchannon impressions. ( I had chortled at the new Baywatch on the plane from the UK)

We then drove off to look at The Wueen Mary Ship Hotel 

With the Englishman in LA, I’m sure my Bro after this one trip now has at least 2 parking tickets and a ‘Running the stop sign fine’ heading his way :-0 

Going supermarket shopping for snacks on the way home. Resulted in more Cheetos (omg I love them) for me and the only shite English tea bags we could find for Ange’s addiction to tea. She has been in withdrawal for days now. Is almost not herself. Any longer and she will break! Watching her try to salvage a simple cup using a coffee percolater was desperate. I must now intervene and search google maps to find a proper tea place! 

Never mind what happens. You can’t beat a good squirt! 

Could Diet Squirt be the new box ticker?

With Adele, my Sister-in-Law almost having  an Memory Lane laughing fit Tena Lady binge pop pants asthma attack. As we drove past a 7-11. (my bro years ago had been too busy looking at his phone, not seeing the bright yellow raised curb before the glass entrance doors. Proceeded to trip and go flying into and through them with such s bang. Everyone turned, went quiet and asked him if he was ok. He tried to act casual. Adele was nearly hospitalised due to not being able to catch her breath and near asthma attack, due to laughing so much. Even though I was not there, I can fully visualise this and the noise, also due to the memories of accidents my ‘accident prone’ Bro had when we were kids.  

An evening poo and then dip in the jacuzzi followed by lager, chilli cheese dip with hit pretzels. Set are arses up for Univeral Studios tomorrow! 

I really, really like Los Angeles. 

Day 4 San Francisco and Art Garfunkel 

11.10.17 Golden Gate Bridge, Sausalito, The Castro. Final day in San Fran before we fly to LA. 

Watch the video here

We spent the day tram travelling first. 

  The then open top bus tour, over the Golden Gate Bridge to Sausalito.

 We love it there. Ice cream in waffle cones, watching the world go by. 

We ventured into Galerie Electra. Where I noticed a stunning oil painting of a tree. With its orange and red textures. Just mesmerising. With more beautiful oil paintings. We had a lovely chat with their curator. Where the light catches the colours and paint. (I must email her my art website links) Talking about the 60’s in London, The Doors, life, the San Francisco homeless population. The beauty and serenity of trees and grounding. A wonderful soul she is. 

Taking a ferry trip back. We then ventured to The Castro. Wow! We felt so comfortable. 

We ate lunch at Harvey’s which does amazing food and salads.

Cocktails at Twin peaks.

 We met an got chatting to a great couple who invited us to the local ‘Midnight Sun.’


Cocktails a go go with champagne slush and cosmopolitans. Talking Trump, Harvey Milk, best local places, bitch fits, whistling, relationships, America, dogs, and wonderful things…The horror of the wildfires, vineyards. How people barely escaped in Napa Valley. 

We then stumbled rather tipsy… past Castro Theatre and decided to go see Art Garfunkel talk about his book! (no photos or filming allowed- Commonwealth Club rules! ) People here are so friendly. We bought a coke and milk duds and settled in the beautiful theatre with the homely smell of popcorn circulating in this stunning place. I sit there taking it all in, while Ange discussed the horrors of Uk Politics and Teresa May with a Gentleman next to her. Art has the most relaxing voice. I could listen to hours about his life, music and walking travels. A treat to see a legend. 

Today America woke me up. Today I saw beyond the grind. I saw a better life. 
More pics of the day

Day 3 San Francisco – Alcatraz 

10.10.17 Alcatraz day. After a near full nights sleep after jet lag limbo last night. We headed off for a Bacon & waffles & more..healthy breakfast… ;-0 

Video here


Breakfast at Boudin at Fisherman’s Wharf. 

Followed by Alcatraz. Lovely staff. The headsets tour gives a detailed history. Al Capone’s stay. Escapees, riots, murders. It’s oppressive, but alive with memories imprinted on bare walls. Proper punishment. There are these little flies that kept landing on us. aaaargh! Also Tip..Don’t dare get seen eating, or they will have you! Great views of a misty San Francisco.  Boxticked. ✅ 

We then went back to Pier 39 for lunch, rather strong cocktails 🍸 at Players Sports Grill & Arcade. We kept seeing this little green boat bobbling about in the bay. Looked a bit choppy! So for $15 dollars well spent. A hilarious boat trip later with Captain Ryan, the BeforeYouDieGuy where we got to drive it. It was a good day. 

 Wandering the streets for a foot massage. Then feeling the need for a sleep. Ange and I rested while Adele, Rob and Julie enjoyed the night bus tour… windy! After doing YMCA and freezing their jalapeños off. Bless them. 

San Francisco Day 2 

9.10.17. Went to bed 8:30pm. Woke up midnight starving. So grabbed the bag of Cheetos and munched loudly, waking Ange up. With some messaging banter. We decided to go get food. Ange, I, my bro and his wife walked the dark streets. With the smell of the Napa County fires in the air. Brekkie at 4am at Pinecrest Diner. Great French Toast and cholesterol fuel! 

Watch video here

Later.. Loved fisherman’s wharf and Pier 39. Went on a few bus tours. Beautiful sunny and hot day. (Sun always shines on the blessed) Jet lag catching up on me tonight. Going out for dinner then hopefully a full nights sleep. Done lots of walking. Boudins the Clam Chowder with sour dough was amazing. Getting back to the hotel and watching the news. The terrible wildfire tragedy north of us and the small earthquake at around 5pm (didn’t feel it… just reported on news) we all have had a good day exploring. The sea lions were hilarious. 

The tour guide explained the Glade Memorial Methodist Church runs computer courses and interview coaching for the San Francisco homeless population. She says sadly year after year she see the same folks still on the streets feeding their drug and alcohol habit instead of getting help. I know this runs deeper for people. But help is out there if you want to change your life around. 

San Francisco Day 1

8.10.17 After the long flight from Heathrow…but not too bad! God….. they never stop feeding you! Some ‘odd ones’ on the Virgin Atlantic. All a bit dazed sweary and sweaty. Checked into hotel Triton, to a confused reception staff that was adamant and gave Ange and I separate beds in our room she was having non of the Lez love wagon! …. a blessing really,why we didn’t argue.. re Snoring, being snuggled in with elbow in my head etc. I have my own bed bliss! 
Went for a walk around Union Square, then to Loris Diner for troff, nice club sandwich. It 20:03 – here as I write this. Got cheetos from the 7 Eleven. The whirlpool style toilet is both mesmerising and horrifying at the same time! BROWN ALERT! You drop your kids off at the pool and see ‘em swimming like whirling dervishes. I don’t feel tired which is weird! Woke up at midnight starving do stuffed my face with Cheetos. Bus tours tomorrow. Ps .. don’t need a jumper Dad, it’s ‘t-shirt’ weather here in October! Lots of beggars and tramps in the streets and the smell of waz. Going to take a little getting used to!