A Year Of Living Dangerously

A year of living dangerously and thinking dangerously has passed. In that (I Love that Film)

Gone are the clouds that covered the blue skies of hope. Most barriers to progress are gone. The inner walls I’ve constructed have turned to dust. I am now open, emotional, free and getting back to the funny me of old. (without being a bitch) Somedays I still do feel lost, the outcast. But those days lessen.

Today was a good day. I played my new Banjo to my impressed Dad.  He loves Duelling Banjos… Deliverance.  I do like our chats. I’m very much like my Father in many ways. I’m extremely proud he got an MBE after her retired, for his Services in the NHS. The last few weeks have been good. From hitting rock bottom and darkness in the never ending tunnel. (Most of 2012 start 2013)

Our dreams and intentions came true. We’ve been given a way to kick start our business. Thank you Barclays. Yes you owed me!! Trust in the universe and balance is restored. Positive affirmations, intentions, hope, dreams. Seeing ones desires.

Ange had surgery on Thursday. I was an emotional state.  Blubbering. I cry so easily nowadays. But that is good, release. There is always the risk. I’d had a dream recently where I lost her. I woke up. Despair and tears. Appreciate your loved ones. Every moment, every day.

I was lucky enough to be accepted for a NHS ‘management’ course called ‘Liberating The Talents’. Always a bonus after a recent job rejection. Never mind how good the feedback. Rejection is hard.  But.. The inspiring Eden Charles PHD is a teacher and motivator of mass excellence. Sat there with colleagues in a rather spaceshippy building on Nottingham University Campus, knowing my wife was having surgery was un nerving. But Ange said I should do it. It would do me good. And the 1st session really did. Embracing these things is part of my path. Along that path comes hard work. Conquering fear. Rewarded meeting inspiring likeminded folks.

I’ve now got the distinction to my nvq to finish and ‘homework’ for this management course to do during March. On top of my full time Jobsy,  2 hours travelling per weekday, Reiki practice, music making, personal life. Chores etc. So busy!! But motivated. The art creating is on hold for a month. I have to finish the study things before my mind frees itself to paint. Once March is over! I can relax and enjoy my wedding anniversary.

Luckily Anges op went well. Her recovery will take a few weeks initially. I’ll be making flasks of tea. Our cats have been little cuties caring for her. Then we join the gym. I’ve bought our squash rackets (lots of domestic competitive rows due with that then!!!) and swimming may commence shortly.

We’ve had some really good times with our circle of friends recently. (not like we don’t anyway) Even more important to us during trying times that we have great friends. You know the ones that make you laugh, care, advise,  oh and have a great booze up with. Its good to come out of Januarys and Februarys 12 bar blues. I have no need or room in my life for vampires and negative sorts who don’t want to help themselves get sorted. It can be done. It’s just hard. People are lazy and expect it to be done for them. I tire of those people. I embrace ones that will accept and want to work on change.

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I’ve gotta go back to Docs to pursue the mystery surrounding my leaking mouth!! Max Fax are at a loss.  More X-rays and no answers. Bacteria swap negative. We are betting on Sinus, pipework/plumbing issues. SOFT TISSUE not bones. I have one metal screw left. That can be the only culprit. My recent cold and extra leakage and pain up left nostril is pointing towards sinus things….   MRI scan will happen. I need my nose pipework looked at properly. Saltwater, Douching and streaming is slightly helping the build up of nastiness. But either something needs plugging to stop the flood, or the rubble needs unblocking to allow safe passage. Ongoing daily pain. Nice! Hope and intention 2013. WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF SURGERY OCCURS.

Would be great if cure without gore. 😉

Rat Race Trivialities, Travel, Utopia.

My day.

This morning. After being woken from my slumber, by having my knee farted on by Ange. Rambo our cat squatting to pee on our duvet ( in all the top kitty excitement after chasing our other cat Pattie around the house. He has normally taken to pissing on the bath mat, I can cope with this) Being watched and joined by both cats while sat on the toilet. Then having to collect our beer cans scattered about the street after a windy burst and wheelie bin misdemeanour episode!! (Dont want to look like lushes!! We’ve been enjoying 3% Bitter Shandies this weekend, Rock and Roll, I know!!)

Then commenced the joyful travelling. On public transport. The loudest voice on the planet was seated next to us. Life story, every single second recounted. We both decided headphones and loud music emergency!! I seriously am not a hearing loud talky person morning tolerator. In fact I dont want to talk to anyone first thing. Except my wifey of course.

Then upon getting the connecting bus to work. Having changed my usual route in Nottingham City Centre, disrupted by roadworks. (TRAFFIC CHAOS) YIPPEE!!!!! I’ve actually just sent an email to complain as my button has truly been pushed today. The 34 unilink bus driver seems to think that Jamming and Ramming as many human beings on a bus as possible, like sardines is acceptable. The fact that I couldn’t even reach a bell to ring, to get off. Had to forcefully squeeze myself past 7 people. Bearing in mind I WAS AT THE BLOODY FRONT!! Taking the Michael. I tell Thee! If I’d had a paper bag, I’d have allowed myself a panic attack. Instead I stood on someones foot while exiting, stuck my tits in someone elses face, and made a load of them get off so I could. A stop early , just for fresh air! Swearing under my breath. I’m sure some crap joke exists about how many students it takes to change a lightbulb on a bus to make £1 profit for NCT. Any accident, we’d be looking at mush, gore and lots of broken limbs, noses and toes. Good Job its on the A & E route. Ridiculous. I’m awaiting reply.

Then I had the joy of listening to ‘Red Wine’ by UB40. On of my most hated songs. Even if you got me rat arsed and drugged me up with happiness. I’d still hate it. AAAARGH

After a normal, pleasant working day.

My humous, carrots and sugarsnap peas began to ferment. Just ready for hometime.

Stupidly I didn’t get on the 1st bus. Hoping to get the city loop. My phone battery had died (Bummer) so no music and having to listen to people noise again.

Then 2 busses passed us! Not stopping, rammed. Shame they dont apply that principle going from City Centre in the mornings. Thank you, spectacular,  I thought. Then rammed bus came eventually. I stood examining a students ginger beard infront of me, Thinking, oooooh.uuuurgh.

Then gridlock. (I found out later accident) The whole of City Centre at a standstill! Times like this I wish horse and carts were still the main method of transport. Apart from having to shovel up turds off the road. The pace without hustle and bustle would be a chilled as the feeling one feels as a drunk musician on stage with an unresponsive audience. Easy.

I’ve just farted on Anges hand, next to me on the sofa. She’s just commented on the reverberation  through her bones.. karma is a bitch. Teach her to fart on my knees while spooning in bed.ha ha ha.

So then I get off as soon as humanly possible and walk into Town. I eventually got home, to our sanctuary , full of wind. Scared Ange to death, who was asleep on the sofa.

Now we’ve apparently got The Mary Berry Story to watch on TV! Our normality comes later. Making Jam and biscuits naked with just aprons. Watering the plants with cold tea from the pot. domestic joy. Doing the river dance in the living room.  Lighting a fire in the garden and throwing magickal herbs on it. Playing hunt the veggie sausage. Playing  murder in the dark/hide and seek in the loft without clattering the ladder. Planning our Mount Everest Trek, Saving the world. Creating voodoo dollies for the car boot stall. Chewing corn for gummy parrots, not tripping over the rug, not screaming when spiders attack, Inventing for the dragons den, growing our leg hair for winter…not….Laughing at people who think its about them!!

Or usually sitting in our home sauna with a plum in my mouth!

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Guitar and meditation, tuning into my Reiki Master later. We will sleep like logs tonight.  Oh well, back to the rat race tomorrow.