Choices

So that time comes when we make a choice, the choice that will change one’s history and future. That choice that has been bothering me for ages. That choice that was forced when things all of a sudden changed into something that didn’t feel so good.

On a beach. One can choose to stay in the sand and shade. Or enter the sea and float in the sunshine, wherever it takes me.

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I think when one is pummelled with stress after stress and challenge after challenge. The belief in good sinks under the ocean. Body and mind tired.  Tolerance of others fades. Being surrounded by lots of people in crisis is incredibly draining. One revaluates what is truly important. My sanity, my health, my relationship, my family. The other things.  Am I getting the pleasure from doing some of those things anymore? Or have things changed for the worse? Do I have the energy to keep producing the good stuff when others can’t?  When did all of a sudden I become nothingness? When did the thing that I created become a thing that less qualified others controlled?

I have immense problems with people who think they are superior and better than me. That’s not my insecurity. It just damn rude! Yes how very dare you. Some undervalue or are simply unaware of my talents, works and achievements. I find it disrespectful and insulting.  Experience and respect is gained over many years of working at ones fortes.  That’s doesn’t also mean that’s an excuse to power trip and treat others as inferior.  Qualifications are great. I’ve met many with qualifications that aren’t worth toilet paper. How and why they got them as I see no evidence of behaviours, knowledge or anything leaned is baffling. Is a wise man that has survived many winters on a mountain qualified to help you survive?  Or the kid that thinks they know it all?  Then there is that teamwork thing, that diplomacy.  Teams contain leaders. Leaders that focus on a result ultimately have the final word, even if some don’t like that decision. We all sometimes don’t get our own way.  As one climbs the ranks, one leans a lot and passes down side ways and upwards wisdom.

You see that very wise mountain man survived so long because the villagers fed him. He’d once helped out woodworking. He was a very popular, charming and well liked man. He didn’t feed himself; others did as a kind of exchange for his work. After time he became unmotivated, life must be easier than this. He slowed down. Taking twice as long with his work.  Eventually he stopped making things, just relied on others charity.  He became lazy. This caused discontentment. Eventually the villagers took a vote. They stopped giving him their charity and he stood alone. He became weak. He fell to his knees.  They felt oh so guilty. Those same people rescued him and fed him again. He rested on his laurels.  “Ah those idiots,” he thought. He’d sit on his porch, feet up laughing to himself. He’d succeeded on fooling them feeling sorry for him. They were bad people if they stopped feeding him. They were all so stupid! That’s where he got it wrong.  Eventually someone got pissed off and shot him dead and burned is house down. Then spat, shit and pissed on his pancakes and walked away. Life and productivity in the village bloomed. People had the time and energy now they weren’t climbing that mountain every day. People went from being disgruntled and guilty to being contented. That man was soon forgotten about, as he never made his mark. It was always take, take, take. He’d played on his age.  Used the sympathy vote. That man was more capable than most, He just could not be arsed. People see saw through him. Not all, but some.  Some are very good at spouting believable bullshit.

There are people in this world that have a dictionary of excuses for themselves, that never take responsibility. Time runs out eventually.  Things always catch up.

There is a big difference between supporting and carrying people. There is a difference between the reputation and their perceived reputation.  We make an effort in this life, or we ride on the waves of others efforts. Some have no choice; life has been harsh in body, mind and experiences. Some are just too damaged.  Some focus and manifest ill heath as earning a crust is far too frightening and takes an effort. Some believe the world owes them something. The world owes you nothing. Some do the bare minimum, while others work their arses off for the same reward. Infuriating isn’t it!

So I retreat into my own healing. I surround myself with meditations and positive energies. Good people.  Sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.  The ones that interfere, read between the lines, defend the undependable, scream the loudest. Confess responsibility of wrongdoing by outburst alone.

Implementing of change is challenging, It upsets people. I’ve done it. They fear it. They call you names, they try to harm you, they try to pressure you to stop, and they take the piss out of you. They rant about how absolutely great and right they are.  You may not get invites to their parties. But it’s not about popularity. It’s about what one wants to achieve with a project. It’s about fairness for all.  To evolve and progress. We must change.  To be open-minded is liberating. To keep banging out the same frustrations, stagnates a creative soul.  In the moments of true clarity. One asks oneself?  What do I need out of all of this? It’s not all about you. You may think it is. It is not.

Youth brings much arrogance. Age brings much stubbornness. The middle is when you find your true self. Do you listen to the masses that have decided you are wrong?  The masses that have a dictionary of excuses. The moment they are challenged. They attempt turn it around, like you are the bad person.  Or do you follow your instinct knowing that they really are. Time will prove you right. Some big corporations are rotten to the core.  Once they get away with stuff the first time, they continue and screw people over more. Eventually someone has enough. Some take a shotgun. Some take a grievance. Some expose the wrong ‘uns. Some just leave as there is no hope.

I will always stand my ground and up for myself as the world is full of losers wanting a free ride and to fuck you over on that journey. I sadly see happening more and more.  To agree to disagree is different from not listening to full potential. Closing doors on new ideas shuts you in a box.  A masterpiece can be scribbled in chalk. It is not necessary a polished diamond.  Getting problems discussed and resolved is far better than letting disillusionment built up. When things blow people go….

 I stand at the crossroads and.