So I’m cracking on painting new artworks. Winter and January time is really good for locking myself away from the dark and cold, with my wife and the cats, creating.
It’s been the time of year too, when we go into studio and record tracks. Save the summertime for the great and beautiful outdoors.
I’m really out of sorts at the moment. A recent physical sensitive injury (clumsy moi) and the continued infection in my left cheek have been really getting me down….. really getting me down. There have been moments of madness when I’ve wanted everything to go away. With only one awful solution. The trouble is, when you are down, there is only so much more of a kicking you can take. Only so much shit you can handle, being chucked at you from the shit truck. Plus being in a difficult environment where bad behaviors are not being dealt with effectively as of yet by the PTB, is poor for my mental and spiritual health. Trouble with negative ringleaders has taken its toll on my self worth. (I HOPE this can be resolved without lies, exaggeration and truth twisting, oh and plain nastiness) Like I’ve been told and continue to find out. You’ve got to have a pretty shitty life to behave that way to others. Pitiful. 5 years ago, (when my ego controlled me fully) had I been in the situation I’m currently in. I’d have dealt with any trouble with intimidation, sharp tongue and caused major upset(getting myself into trouble in the process, making others lives miserable, as my life was a mess then). Times and I have evolved through working on myself. Its certainly not been easy.
Maybe it’s time to ‘day job’ hunt, a fresh start? The plan is just simply earn a career from my Art, Reiki with Earth Tree Healing and Music (The Idolins, Subway Circus) combined. Be my own boss (The dream, the possible, the effort continues and steps up 2013)
We spent the night with good friends this weekend. Lots of wine and chats. Especially about feeling out of sorts. The great thing about good friends? The laughter, support, advice, love. Things get put into perspective.
I suffer from constant mind chatter and the creative souls burden. Moodiness and ego talk. Inherited and programmed worrying. Meditation and practicing Reiki is clearing this. But in the process it’s releasing a lot of emotion. Release is great though. Just not particularly pleasant at times. ‘Blockages’; energy blocks in meridians. Having a good service! Chakras (Energy Centers, vortexes) are being energized and balanced. Self healing is beneficial. I do love having a Reiki treatment, crystal heal from my fellow Light Workers. IT’S ALL VERY EASY TO GET INVOLVED HEALING OTHERS AND NOT ONESELF. If you don’t take care of yourself properly, how can you truly help others? Just as you think you are spiraling to the top of the mountain, an avalanche stops you in your tracks, knocks one back. DECENT RATHER THAN ASCENT.
When you go about your day to day things. Having woken, the sun shines, you are confident, eyes are smiling. Your days just gets better, people react kindlt to you and your sparkle..V’s getting up, tripping over the cat, rushed, headache, dreading going to work. Having a row just to start your day of which tends to get gradually worse like your mood. How different do people treat you. What are you attracting? You can change that mindset. IT’S YOUR EGO TALKING, INFLUENCING.
Right now I want to lock myself away for months. Be as far away from people of the moaning, damaging and draining variety that I can. THIS WILL ALL PASS OFCOURSE. Solutions are there. Positive solutions and options. Learning’s and tests of my patience (well, lack of) continue .
I had a TAROT reading from my gifted wife. “Temperance” Really does sum things up.
I read my stars, Gemini recently, I rarely read the paper, but felt drawn.
I’ve been overcome as of late with physical manifestations of unrest, upset. Things have built up to the point where I want someone to save me, cure me, help me. The reality. My mind chat has got the better of me. I, and only I HAVE ALLOWED IT. I’ve listened, believed all the doom and gloom its been spouting at me. I’ve cried, wallowed, obsessed, released, felt lost, frustrated, empty, hurt, alienated, angry, vengeful, done the “WHY ME?”. Just as ‘the end of the world’ 2012, which is effectively the dawn of a new era. 2013 continues to bring tests. All for what? Lessons, clearing.
THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN TIME. Patience. Belief in healing. Talking about this honestly has helped. Bottling it all up did nothing but make things worse. I’ll be a stronger person. I’M ALREADY more compassionate. Lessons from the POWERS THAT BE. How can you be compassionate, truly, unless at some point you have suffered? Your own sufferings (Mental, physical, emotional) cannot be compared to anyone else. It’s only YOU that truly feels the affect of what your problems are. OTHERS ARE bystanders.
It’s up to ME to shout… ‘BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER” to sort the mess that’s me out. Running off to get happy pills doesn’t treat my root cause. Meditating, laughing, being in the company of my good friends, does.