Claudine West (2017)

Go here>>> https://claudinewestmusic.com/

Music https://claudinewestmusic.com/discography/

Earth Tree Healing iTunes 

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/artist/earth-tree-healing/id926937962

Book 

It took over a year to write and a lifetime before that. The life of a Bog Woppit. Musician, Artist, Lesbian and conduit of energies. This book is honest, humorous, witty and touching.

5 STAR REVIEWS

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Claudsville-Blogs-Biog-Bog-Woppit-ebook/dp/B00M5IR94K

Number 1 bestseller

Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit

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Art

https://claudinewestart.wordpress.com/

Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit

My name is Claudine West. These are excepts of this present life as me. 2016 was rather fabulous making music, writing, recording, gigging, doing the full time day job. Looking after wife and cats, mowing the lawn, breathing in the sea. Exploring Devon, Dorset and Somerset. Writing recording and releasing more meditation music under ‘Earth Tree Healing’…. Being happy. 

https://claudinewestmusic.com/ 

These are my blogs and here is the Kindle book.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Claudsville-Blogs-Biog-Bog-Woppit-ebook/dp/B00M5IR94K/

claudsville

Debut: now the fun part, no Politics….

No politics. One comment. We are now so far up shit creek without bog roll or swan vestas. One must concentrate on the good that is making music!  So after a while writing, rehearsing, getting the band line up finalised. We get to here. We got to last night and Subway Circus live debut. Brill!

http://subwaycircus.com/2015/05/10/subway-circus-live-debut-at-ryans-bar-10th-may-2015/

http://subwaycircus.com/ https://www.facebook.com/subwaycircus @subwaycircus https://soundcloud.com/ubwayircus

It’s been a while. Life is busy. A promotion in job to boot. ig dilemma with either dropping down to a 4 day working week or climbing the ladder. Was over the moon to get the job! Difficult decision. No regrets through.  I’m ambitious and a hard worker. So have to work that bit harder to balance both work and music. With art thrown in somewhere. More responsibility = affording new instruments ultimately – Still can’t quite afford to shop at Waitrose though! Yippee!

~ Claudine

Shining A Light Upon My Mountain

So as that time of my life becomes the becoming.  I have been inspired and advised to show off my light more. So here goes http://claudinewestmusic.com/ This is the contents of the nutshell of what I am and what I do. There is my ‘career’ by my day job. I look at my artistic and creative catalogue of work. This defines me. The day job pays the bills and makes me look  ‘responsible’ in the eyes of society.  The music I am part of lights up my soul. The art I create, brings colour to the many shades of magnolia that I often find in the world. Of course this world is very beautiful. I actively seek out and experience the moments others don’t notice. Day to day predictability becomes very monotonous to one with such a creative mind. A curse and blessing. What is normal to you, is yawnsome and trivial to me. Does that make me a freak. It certainly makes me misunderstood. But i take comfort in knowing who I am and my purpose. Its never going to be an easy ride. If it was I really wouldn’t fully appreciate things. Or develop. I get excited at a frequency, a vibration, a vision, a new work that has been created with instruments. I let go when performing on them. For this I am truly grateful. 2015 is a year when Claudine West advances further in her evolution. I celebrate my experiences so far. I’m also very glad I can pat myself on the back for working hard at what I do. I continue to see the ones who think making as little effort as possible will aid them ultimately. The urge to shake you violently and give you a back handed slap around the face is saved for my imagination. Violence is an out of control damaged person’s reaction. ‘The world owes them something!’ Toys are chucked in a rage out of prams if spoilt adult brats don’t get the attention that they crave. The poor me and puppy eye syndromes wore thin before they even began. Even before the twinkle in the eye of time turned over to face the dawn. That kind of shit continues to grate gammon. If upon the point of your death. When those who have known you, remember you. Is it by you having a kind heart? Is that not an amazing achievement? What will you leave behind in this life? A positive imprint in the universe. I hope so.

Works 2014 Claudine West #claudsville

2014 has been a rather productive year. Eventful, traumatic, stressful circumstances,  inspirational gatherings. Synchronicity. Doors have closed, portals have opened.  Its shown me true colours of people, shallowness and selfishness. Wave surfers. Who will continue to achieve nothingness and take all the credit for it too. Enjoy that! Its allowed me to relax with my kind of people. Meet new kind and wonderful souls. My key word is #likeminded  It’s shown me that a lot of folk need encouragement and help. Its also shown me that I don’t require the bad ones in my life or proximity.  What’s been laid to rest is inactivity. I’ve always been driven to create and unleash what becomes. Making the most of time on this planet has been satisfying to say the least. Who know how much longer I have left. I hope its many years. There, through the course of things has had to be changes made. To better my well being in body, minds and spirit. Lots more of continued effort in 2015.

So here is a list and links of this year. It wasn’t easy. Yes I turned the TV off. Did not party hard and lay wrecked and dormant every weekend. I worked and produced a body of work I’m proud of. Its not stagnant, what some perceive to be ‘perfect.’ What it is a very alive embodiment of me, what I am and what I do. Having words channel through oneself is a thrilling and hypnotic experience. I’ve found a great joy in writing. 2015 will produce a new book of fiction under a pen name.  Thanks to friends for planting a great idea for it. It evolves each time I sit in our healing room. I’ve got 2 new meditation/ collaboration  releases in the pipeline.  So part time day job is on the list! ;-0

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Enjoy, learn, listen.

Solo album: The Narcissist and the Inbetween.

I’ve a few personal favourites ‘Exceptional Believers’  ‘Exit of the Crush’ Writing and recording this has been rather fabulous therapy. #demons

Then there is of course my book. What can I say? Read it.

  Number 1 ebook bestseller : Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit

number 1

Then I began adventures in meditation music recording a 3 track Guided Meditation CD with an amazing tutor and insightful soul, Sally Wathen at Rainbow Bridge  I can only highly recommend her if you need to sort your shit out!

Ange, my wife and I then ventured into our ‘ Meditation Chronicles ‘ Along with Ange running courses, me providing the soundtrack to them. You can listen to and  purchase on most digital stores including Spotify, Amazon and iTunes.

Listen: Meditation Chronicles

MOONTOWNS 2

So with a few new paintings. I’m rather chuffed.

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The Narcissist and the Inbetween

The Narcissist and the Inbetween

LISTEN ON BANDCAMP

 I began 2014 with an exceptional journey. As the dark nights dominate my side of the world, so ends this year. I present my new solo album. This record features  various instruments, including: bass, mandolin, banjo, guitars, piano, keyboards, tablas, my vocals and purring cats who have sat listening intently and ran away during the recording of it. Here are 7 featured tracks and lyrics.

Release date 23/11/2014

featured tracks

1. The Narcissist and the Between

2. Blood

3. Exceptional Believers

4. Eye Of Horus

5. aurora borealis

6. Bear Tooth From Winnipeg 

7. Rhinos

8. Exit of the Crush

9. Mindful Terraforming

10. I lost The Dark at Dawn

Life has launched, I’ve meditated, I’ve travelled on many levels, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed so much I’ve shaken my soul.

I took the cover photo while standing in a stormy sea at Rest Bay, Porthcawl, Wales, November 2014. Writing this album exorcised a few more bedded in Demons. Therapy for the lost.

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This album is a document and journey of changing times, through the dark and light. Recovery, investment in to channelling vibrations. I wanted to capture warts and all recording and performance. A lot of the tracks were one takes of improvisation on my instruments. These Lyrics written during the recording process. The reason behind title ‘The Narcissist and the Inbetween’ can be found in my E-book ‘ Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit ‘ Also released this year.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00M5IR94K

Listen here

The Narcissist and the Inbetween

https://soundcloud.com/claudsville/sets/bog-woppit-2014

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LYRICS

 The Narcissist and the Between

Vegetarians eating meat

I am I am in-between a nomad and a queen

And the creatures in the hurricanes

Flavours of unsavoury notes

I am the one they called the scapegoat

I was the anchor in the flood

At Martha’s Vineyard

Beneath the stars

At Martha’s Vineyard

Massacres in cars

Hierarchy is ego anarchy

I am I am, I walk away you see

You tried to slaughter me

I tried to save creative

I educated natives

I’m torn in the fold

When there’s three I think the resolution

The killing spree

That I’m user friendly

Currently there’s no menopause clause

To shake the hand of the wave surfer laws

Spotlight shines on foolish stages

Cover versions create cages

You lost the day you retaliated

In Martha’s Vineyard.. blood lies in between

(Mortuary car)

I want to feel elated

I want to repel hatred

And lie amongst the waves

© Claudine West 2014

Blood

There was blood, blood everywhere

Down by the heat

Rushing floods and fever heads

Far away at sea

In the minds of higher thinkers

You’re becoming me

And the moon sauntered

Right I reach out too

And the roots are haunted

And I reach out too

Discover unknown presence

There lies release

With a shock this mantle steadies more

The answer spurs release

I cried that day and cried again

Strength the river creek

And I knew this point would come someday

But I stared in disbelief

And the moon sauntered

Right I reach out too

The roots are haunted

And I reach out too

There was love, love everywhere

Down underneath

Crushing hearts the weavers read

Right beside the tree

With the storm comes a rainbow

I am lost at sea

There was blood, blood everywhere

I am lost at sea

© Claudine West 2014

Exceptional Believers

They don their coats and crowns and Marys

Exceptional believers

Cutting off their throats and tears

Fictional deceivers

They walk the path of the lost and the lucid

Moving to the room

I thought my whole life over

Then I packed it in a box

And sent it underground

The call of the churches

And the rules

I walked further

Found better runes

There’s no intermittent wrestling with the weavers

Webs and death and spurn the divas

I reach up with fire in my hand

And peace overland

Mighty makers of money and spoons

Mind alteration, with pennies and looms

They wont rule my nation with promise and fools

A mind awakened.

Open doors

And breathe

As I approached the crossroads

I held the sunshine in my hands

And a pocket full of delusions

Contained the answers they didn’t want me to know

I took my chances with the ghosts

© Claudine West 2014

Eye of Horus

Mindful in some locked out state

Trapped within these walls in a metamorphosis debate

These winters waves crash and bury my feet

In denial of the suffering of storms at sea

Riptide swallows my hunger

Polarity takes me under

The wind cries hollow where did these feelings go?

8 inside below.

I resist the existence of a lifting and rescue

I lost sight of the surroundings and broke the curfew

When I cracked I turned away, departed into weeks of rage

Eye of Horus where did you hide?

I wandered through the portal Chinese garden waterfalls.

The low sun, fearsome sky

Dream in a romance with a tear in my mind.

The ladder made of spine rose to the cloud

The red sphere floated right before my 3rd eye

Rosie gave be laughter, such laugher

The laughter in mine.

All mine.

© Claudine West 2014

 aurora borealis

Capo 2 B-A piano C#, B

Fortune on the road, feather kill

You are alone

Enlightened souls, weathered sin

You aren’t alone

Guitar

Em, A2, D2, A2

Piano F# B, F#, E, B

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

Moons of Galileo, heretic

Holy rolls, advocate

Provocation with belief

Beautiful underneath

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

Runes made of stone, heather thrills

overload, lavender

On my road, I’m not alone

Eastern sky rising

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

© Claudine West 2014

Bear Claw from Winnipeg

Am, G- B

So I had this conversation

After many divinations

Giraffe taught me hippy laugher

Some wise words from hereafter

Buzzing in my ears cleared fears that had reared again

I overtook this meltdown lane refrain

My suicide has long gone now

D, C,

Who,

I followed nature’s pasture

Looking for angina rapture

Banana cake and chocolate chips and ginger beer on an ancient trip

That spider that jumped from the trees

My bare flesh and a morbid scream

Showed me survival while on my knees

A message from the powers that be

To get on making symphonies

Normality freaks me every day

Is not me man and I’m going to say

Leads me to the path of tombs

And rips me from another womb

Two types of stoned lead to a junction

Pure water cleanses many functions

I walked this mountains darkened path

Then jumped into another mothers grasp.

Rhinos

Shine a light upon my mountain

But I’m still filling up on dread

World hovers on my shoulders

The past, the present the future then I’m dead

Release, release Rhinos

Unreachable devastation

The Meditation said

To look outside my inner anger

See what Buddha said

I’m making up preservation

I’m talking to the wise

The mechanics of coping

Are practiced many times

When I’m a lone with the demons

I set in motion lots of dealing

On my darkest days

My instruments of adjustment

Stop mental state delays

© Claudine West 2014

I Lost The Dark at Dawn (live)
Rooms on the road
Opportune I am the devil’s own
Shallow graves hide many bones
Jokers and countrymen
The power lines are overheard
The frantic noises of words lost
Heard as worlds combust

Never ending silence
I walk on coals of fire
These worms that dig up new eras
Ferryman pays the price now blind
Boot prints melted tarmac
Metal twists with rippled pools
I lost the dark at dawn

The wooden sculpture man makes many plays
Oversights and reverse delays
A document is stained over time
I hold onto the bricks and the pines
No chorus as I ride into night
No chorus as I ride into night
An effort that digs deeper into the light
These rooms on the road

~ Claudine

A mind is higher when its come undone

I new that day was different. The sun bathed me with warmth I’d not known for a while. I felt calm in the darkness when the news was given. All of my dread and anxiety had lead upto this point. Now knowing why I’d felt like this for a while. I now felt a different strength and calmness. That whatever happened next, could not be as bad as the not knowing dread I’d felt for a while. Could it?

I went home from the hospital. Lit a purple candle and burned sandalwood incense. Whatever the future has held was going to happen anyway, right?  When you are surrounded by it. You get used to dealing with the empathy, seeing the fear, sadness and suffering in people’s eyes. You think you become stronger. Then the meltdown occurred. You do become stronger, because you have to. While other succumb. You have to stand like scaffolding and hold the rest up. There is no blame, nor anger nor 1000 questions. There is a course of action that now must be taken and what will be, will be. Our time on this earth is very short. So really do make the most of it with yourself and loved ones. The spirits, ancestors are about giving reassurance. I am grateful to colleagues and friends for being just lovely. Thank you.

I have to decide whether these recent events become part of the 2nd book that i’ll write. The first one is now finished. During said meltdowns. Between the tears. between the meditations and acceptance after the shock. I completed. So that is just being proof read again before we upload to kindle and publish ‘Claudsville – Blogs and Biog of A Bog Woppit.’ The timing now is good. Just as I near 39 years of age. I close once, chapter- Well 14 actually! begins the new.

So here is the new song for the forthcoming record. Very inspired during ‘said’ meltdown. I’d had a long hot cleansing bath. Then just picked up the guitar. The working video clip is here.

Blood video 2014

I’ve been working on meditation music. But that will be released at a future date.

This is ‘Blood the song’

Comprising of acoustic guitar, mandolin and strings. I’ve kept it fairly simple. It flowed very organically. Clicks, warts and all. The experiments I capture is the raw musical energy that I channel through my fingers. Making music this way makes me feel very much alive and accomplished. These of the writing of the real things, the musings in the dark. A mind is higher when its come undone.Image

 

The A-Z of my Week. Musicians, Linkedin and Enemies Behold

Here is the A of my week.

Righty ho. Another good week. Knackering but productive, positive and surrounded by love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not on medication. My PMT rage is at its height. But that will be eased later by a removal session in a loft without SPIDERS. Please let there be non. By the mere mention I’ve law of attracted them. OOOh MUMMY!

So after the 3 week relationship with a winter virus of doom.  Kindly and really, they should have been so generous, given to me by my colleagues and then spread by me to more work colleagues, not through snogging as previous rumours stated 😉  One of the perils of working in a hospital visiting many wards. An apple a day didn’t keep my Doctor away. I had such healthy intentions to survive dark January too. But there has been a lot of dark about. My light is too strong and bright though.

Now I suffer the sort throat lurgy irritation. Luckily the solo set I played on Friday wasn’t too hampered and squeaky chat line husky voice encumbered.

Watch the performance here : 

Exit – By Claudine West aka Bog Woppit

 

It was blinking well nippy out. In between the urge to cough my lungs up half way though.  My fingers stopped working on the chorus finger picking parts on ‘Unusual Haunts.’ “I ain’t no pussy nor primadonna!”  One carries on regardless like a true pro, A soldier of strumming!  (nice comparison to the birds voice out of the Beautiful South that man! Thank you )  I don’t keep calm as I cringe at that saying. I get excited. I’ve been working with my solo stuff for quire a few months now after a hiatus. One I redescovered what I truly loved. The things I was doing pailed into insignificance. If the passion is no longer there, and things get overcrowded with unnecessaries who lack vision and experimentation ability,  its time to go.  Big thanks to the organisers of Sneinton Market Light Night, Nottingham. Amy Dickens at Red Rox Projects  and Sound Engineer Phil Taylor . Check out this fab band The Breakfast Club.  I love their sound and instrument swapping. Suitcase drums too!  New album ‘Petrol Money’ –  ‘Work Related Stress’

2013 was busy with studies and a new job. It took time to learn (and I still am) all of the clinical knowledge needed to do it effectively. I’m blessed with a supportive team and Matron. Central Procurement has been my favourite job so far. It has only taken 22 years of faffing! I’ve counted my chickens and blessed them.  I’ve been updating my Linkedin, getting things in order.  Getting the C.V. updated.  Ange (My Wifey) is a prime example on why Linked in is so damn good. She has just been head hunted. An Agency saw her profile. She got asked for interview. Did bloody well, as she is bloody good at what she does and wham, bam on the rag of jam. She got the job. I’m really proud. It’s always nice to enjoy your day jobs as well as having it pay the bills and lifestyle.

So yesterday morning was spend with the band – ‘Subway Circus’ https://www.facebook.com/subwaycircus

Things are coming together nicely. We have the band member line up locked in. The thing with music is,this is proven time and time again. Ignore at your peril.  You have to all gel to make the magic. Every person in the band has to add the magic and play their special part. Deadwood sinks ships. I like our rawness. Our honesty and true equality. Everyone has input. We have our manager on place who deals with all of ‘that’ stuff. So we can concentrate on creating great stuff.  For some its about posing. For me its about jamming and making music. If I’m sat in my shorts and t-shirt on the kit v’s tossing it off in a posh dress. I’m more comfortable in my shorts and will play better. I grew up with grunge not ponsy clothing labels to pose in to be who I am. If I am naked, in a dark room. You only hear the music I make.

Here is a clip

Subway Circus performing a cover of Black Velvet

I think we’ve got four cover versions. We are an original band, but it’s nice to pop in the odd homage to a good song. The live set should be ready pretty soon. It’s been a bit of a journey getting the band up and running. But it has been well worth it. The vibe feels great. Its challenging, sweat inducing and I get to exercise sat on my arse! E.P In the pipeline. Then its gigfest a go go!

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Paul Delacey

photo

Claire Gilbert

photo 1

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Right I’m off to take a time out as its back to the day job tomorrow.

I’ve got a bunch of Reiki clients after work next week, plus a ‘little project’ to complete ;-0 which I should have done today. But I need a break and to meditate before we go out and get busy with the ‘C@nty Stumpets’ lugging musical equipment about.

The final comment for today.  “Claudine West Is a true believer of keeping your friends close and your enemies, bound, gagged and kept as far away as possible. Life’s too short for games and wrong ‘uns.”

I finish with the Z of my week.

~ Claudine

Time, Happiness, Moving,

After a time of change. A time of challenge. A degree of bombardment of unnecessary negativity. I’ve been insulted quite a lot recently. A ‘Narcissist!’ Which proves how little some know about what I think about my true reflection of myself and my talents. I’m not a big verbal blower or promoter of my own penny whistle. I dont need to. Neither do I hide behind masks. All of that saga has fortunately been sent back with kisses and love 3 fold. Rising above all of that I moved on.  Quite a bit of needed closure has happened. This life of rainbows has shown me some true colours, some brilliance, some darkness and lots of happiness.

 A wealth of opportunities have now surfaced. Especially musically which I’m stoked about.  I can’t believe how lucky I am at times. I count my blessings daily. Hard work pays off with abundance. 

The tide has turned. I feel happier and more content musically, emotionally and spiritually. Freedom is wondrous. Procrastination, indulgence and invigoration feels good. After contemplating for some time, I finally deactivated my Facebook account. I feel liberated! The silent spies and can only view here now. Of Course my book is not far from the publishing stage. Some chapters have had their endings changed recently. Life is about living. Writing my book has catalogued some of those experiences. Its also made me really think about what I really want. Seeing things in black and white has produced changes for the better for me.  I want a true life relationship with friends and folk in the flesh. Not on my iPhone screen. The realisation that we need to hang out with the like minded folk and not false flags has been reiterated. Our quality of life, happiness and wellbeing depends on it.

Some exist in the darkness. Some hide. We live in the light. Departing is never easy. But no regrets. The road is long and prosperous. The doors are now open now the weeds have been cleared. The sun shines through a metallic blue sky. With each new opportunity. We marvel at the greater good. We become more motivated with our driven success. The wise advice and support we encounter with our blessed friends is beautiful. It’s a great life we inhabit… and its just getting better and better. 🙂

~ Claudine 

 

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The Undertow Of Creativity

So today. After months of preparing. I finally displayed some new artworks for sale in ‘Walk Into Yesterday’. See info HERE

A liberating, satisfying experience. With the help of Ange, Chris and thanks to Tony and Graeme. The ‘cream’ Assam tea with homemade scones was lush to say the least. I do love a good cafe bar and good pot of tea on a cold winters day. Blue skies and bright sunshine after the snow. Huge flakes fell last night. I got quite excited. I love snow. Always have, like a child.

Walk Into Yesterday

We’ve both (Ange, wifey and I) got into having a nice bitter shandy of an odd evening. Saves on hangovers, £££ and totally reminds me of my childhood like I’ve said before having one at a pub in Derbyshire. Why am I so drawn to this memory as of late?

I feel my sense of ‘Claud’ and self worth returning this last week. After being completely destroyed as of late by some bitter, nasty individuals. Why let them affect ones life you make ask? Sometimes the strongest of people become deeply affected. You put up barriers, walls, protection, try to ignore and not rise. Being surrounded day in, day out..gets ya. Only when you truly step away and debrief, do you realise what a toxic situation you were ‘tolerating and suffering’ . I had a Job Interview last week. Always a welcome surprise.

I’ve not quite been myself since my last operation on my cheek to remove infected metal plates last year. I truly thought that the end of nearly 2 years of infection was insight. It was over?…. It wasn’t. There is still metal, that they left, which one may presume is infected in my skull. I’m at a loss. Very bothered, upset, pissed off, end of tether as no-one seems to be getting to the root cause and sorting it. Making me feel like I’m making it up, it’s not important. I’m certainly not. Having horrible leakage through the roof of your mouth is vile. No amount of brushing, flossing, mouthwash is really helping. As the source is within and migrating through. I physically cant get to it. Anti biotics (The 20 year ticking time bomb) almost cure it. Infection got in through half protruding upper wisdom teeth. 2 surgeries later and No Cigar! Bummed is not the word! Getting angry and upset privately isn’t helping. Moments of hope, positivity are. But its hard as there is no respite or escape from the constant discomfort and nasty taste 24/7. Only asleep am I unaware. But wake to it all again. As a Reiki practitioner, should I be able to heal myself? I never discount the need for medical assistance alongside Holistic.

I’m going to regress on how this all came about.

I was born with some deformity to my face, an underbite, big chin. Explained many years ago; It was genetic, someone, somewhere in my heritage was another with this. Going through school being verbally bullied (never physically, being nearly 6 feet tall) called a monster. Yes a monster amongst other ‘horrible things’ did serious damage mentally and emotionally. I wore a fixed brace till after the double Osteotomy at 19 years old. They successfully rearranged my face, gave me a face full of metal and normal (well normal as I’ll ever get in this life) bite. I’m forever indebted to my Surgeon (Mr Bromwich I think his name was) and the Team who effectively saved me from certain misery leading to suicide. Some people like to stand out from the crowd. I never have. Even on stage I’m in my own world with the band and music, shy from connecting with the audiences. My hands and instruments connect.

Waking from the dark as I came round in recovery after an 8 hour operation. Was rebirth for me. So I thought. So I intended…

I spent the next 8 years having a relationship with Bourbon, Vodka, Beer, Wine, Grass, Ciggies. (I was never addicted to the booze. I just enjoyed the way it made me feel, the escape. The Marijuana turned me into a paranoid idiot eventually. Getting stoned was the great escape. It turned into the great panic. The cigarettes have taken years to quit, I still enjoy the odd ‘naughty’ ones while making music) Oh and thoroughly enjoying my self induced hibernation in my music mentor Grimm’s home recording studio. Most of my ‘Bog Woppit’ work was written and recorded in there. I didn’t ‘do’ relationships. I was too scared, too closed down. Out of self destruction came songs, lots of songs. Exploration of my mind, my dreams, the darkness. Exorcism of the demons. Well actually I was hanging out with them, not actually ridding myself. This actual cleansing process began in my mid 30’s when I experienced the channelling of Universal Life Force Energy using The Reiki techniques… and will continue into my 40’s.

Claud and Grimm

So,I never loved myself. I became reclusive, put up barriers, shied away from any form of relationship with the opposite sex. (trying to kid myself I was Bisexual when truly all I fancied were women.The sensuality. The loss of my virginity had just been a formality, bit of drunken fun. Encounters with me after that ‘Trying to be normal’ ended. I couldn’t commit. I did date a biker for a while, loved the open road. Then my issues and commitment fear got the better of me. He was lovely. I luckily had some good friends and have had over the years. To this day I am blessed. They have listened, supported, advised, been there, accepted and loved me for who I am.

Grimm overdosed without warning, when I was 27. It broke me. I was lost. Empty. My Confider of all my dark secrets and mental exorcisms was gone. Only in body. What do you do when your destructive and creative path hits a crossroads?

I spent a few years in Limbo. Then I fell in love, head over heels. With a woman. She floated my boat. Gave me everything I thought I needed. We moved in, She then moved out. Broke my heart. I began writing again. Inspired by heartbreak. I then spent the next few years having encounters with some interesting types. ‘Heterosexual’ women.

I then gave up on love. Still a mess. Moving from one home to another. Throwing myself into a shit day job with shit pay and shit hours.

But the music kept me going.. The Idolins were getting on it.

Personally I was a mess. I though it was all good fun at times. Yes it was. I had some great laughs and experiences over those years. But always attracted the ‘wrong uns’

All I ever wanted was to be loved for me. I knew then my self destruction and wanting to die in a rock and roll way would go. But I feared death, so very much. I fear suffering. Diagnosis for all the wrongs I have done to my body. Worry, Worry, Worry.

Then I met Ange. She is my Wife and my rock, my love, Ange saved me. The moment I met her. I felt I’d known her forever. So comfortable. We are a normal couple, have tiffs, go shopping, have tiffs over grocery shopping. I wander off as get all excited exploring the aisles, she buggers off in another direction, I cant find her with arms full. I blame her, she blames me. I’m a numpty. A hushed spat under your breath in the queue at the checkout. We also laugh loads, love and do the things like you ;-0. We communicate, we plan, we play with our cats. We garden. Between making music, meditation, Reiki, Art, Crystal Healing, Tarot, Working 2 full time day jobs. Paying the bills, getting healthier, We have our time, movies, meals, socialising, walks in the wild. Beaches.. I dearly love the sea

me

I’ve been having strange dreams all week, but at least I have slept for the first time properly in Months. I dreamt the other night. I was on a surgery, but mortuary slab. With a ‘surgeon’ Sharpening a big blade at the end near my feet. Then I left that room. I then found that Ange had died. But I could talk to her on my mobile phone. I did. She said she was still hear for me.

I awoke terribly upset. Told her about it. Cried, got in a right state. Ange trying to comfort me kept saying “Look touch me, I’m here, real” These sorts of dreams affect me for the rest of the day. On the plus side. Ange dreamt we won £128,000 on the lottery, quit our day jobs, set up Earth Tree Healing, just outside of Cardiff and bought the house in Wales. Thats the actual plan. We got quite excited about it manifesting in her dream. Then bought a lottery ticket!

I really dont know what I’d do without her. I love her so much. Putting my own fuck ups aside. You never know when you may lose someone. Appreciate every day.

So on the grand scale. Today I crossed a bridge. My art is out there in cyberspace and a real building on real walls for the public to peruse over tea, coffee, cakes, chats with family and friends.

My mouth and cheek pain became irrelevant today. The leaking wasn’t so bad. But it will build and get worse. 2013 I hope its cured. I really do. The damage is not good. On every level. Would I trade in this past and not be creative? Nope. What lies within, beneath creates a person. I was given gifts. Things that happen, my choices… Were not a curse, something I regret. They make me who I am. Made me the better more compassionate person. I cant help what body and face I was born with. Others punished me for that. I’m glad I’m different. Every day I have the pleasure of being able to create. How cool is that?

I started a new painting tonight. It’s for our home and our personal collection. I’ve more works to create over the next few months for display and sale publicly But I feel the urge to do this one for us.

It has Angels and Butterflies in it. Freedom of flight, higher planes, music, love.

Both our pussy cats are very quiet tonight. pottering about or sleeping the sleep only cats do.

I’m off to bed to dream. A good dream. The rain patters on the windows. But the world seems very quiet. Maybe too quiet.

Lets see what the dawn brings.

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