I wrote this in a drunken mess last night.
So it’s past midnight, a late one for me. Normally awake or stirring 5am onwards. Bed by 10pm. Rock and Roll!
I’ve just played a solo set at The Johnson Arms, near Qmc, Nottingham. After a rehearsal, meditation and long bath. 5pm hit and my nerves kicked in and guts emptied. I haven’t played solo live for many years, Over a decade. So being totally shitted up occurred. Its not so traumatic in the Idolins. As I can just concentrate on my instrument and let the others sing.
The unexplained dread, trauma, nausea… trying to pass on a song to Karen, my Idolins bandmate. Just so I only had to do 2. It’s not rational, no one dies during gigs…. usually. It’s not torture. But I always gets in a state. Running away would be easy, except the unsigned guilt trip of the underachiever.
Those moments before and plug in my guitar are hell. I try to ‘have a word,’ with myself. Get pep talks off friends and bandmates. Still the worry, anxiety rules. I passed out into a slumber at that point.
Ange, wifey video’d 2 of them.
I normally close my eyes while playing, but made an extra special effort. Plus I had my lyrics on a stool. Nerves give me amnesia. Seeing a wave of nodding heads and smiles felt wonderful. I had a group of good friends sat behind me. My wife making filthy gestures in front. Yet again. Why oh why did I get myself into such a state before hand. But as they all say. If you arent nervous, you don’t perform to the best of your ability. Or you are just off your face on drugs and booze.
Catching up with fellow musicians, Joe Beagle and Roj Whitham for my formative years of music was great. I’m now intrigued by penny whistles and sheeps wool shearing insulation.
I awoke with a banging head. Too much black sambuca. The kebab tasted wonderful. We both cant remember going to bed. Let Rambo in who was miaowing at the front door. That was 5am. During the following hours. He proceeded to jump on us, miaow, poke, claw and fight with Pattie. Pegging it up and down the stairs. Oh what joy I thought. One day I will get a lay in. A big breakfast at the carvery followed.
We then opened a can of worms getting the Xmas tree out of the loft. This bloody loft is the bane of my existence. For the last 6 months I’ve ended regularly up in it. Either looking for stuff, emptying it for cavity wall insulation workmen. To my horror it was wet through with dripps ruining all of our stuff. Mold, sloppy cardboard boxes. I just swore and swore and shouted and swore more. Crippled my back and arms faffing about sorting the mess. It took and hour to sort and my Dad and Brother coming round to save the day. Turns out the workmen had blocked up all ventilation. Plus cold damp weather = drips and drips on everything. Eventually we managed the planned walk around the lake. A sunny winters day. Good to get out in the daylight at last . I’ve felt like a vampire recently. Get up go to work in the dark, get home in the dark. Quite depressing. But candles on, exercise and meditation is doing wonders. Got some beautiful pics. Here…
I’m busy drawing ideas for The Idolins Ep cover art and emailing photos. Once decided by all of the band what the collective likes. We can crack on with release. I’m ready for a day off! Oh no its Monday tomorrow. Back to the day job.