Fifty Shades of FCUK UP

We often help friends in crisis. Thats part of what Earth Tree Healing is.  It’s what we do as humans and good folk do.   Our doors is open and sofa free. I am not Yoda, nor am I the wise woman yet that I will become one day. I’m still learning. Mistakes and successes are worn on sleeves, written in the scriptures.

It would be unfair to dictate how to live your life. I’m neither setting up a religion, spreading the word that oh yes.. They are real! That was true and the government really did it! I have a new found respect for Nigella Lawson having been ‘Naughty’ like so many, who only admit it, attempt to justify when caught.  Many who willingly take drugs to have a good time, escape will only ‘publically regret it’ When they are exposed by the media. We are all responsible for our own bodies. Some abuse them, some get ill, having lived healthy lives. Some people drink, smoke, have fry ups and live very long lives. Some live the most healthy lives and die young. Who knows when your biological clock will go into self destruct. Live, love today. Tomorrow is in the future.  Who am I to tell others they are behaving like utters arseholes and should jog on and seek professional therapy to sort their shit out. Please note. There are various therapies available to folk. The first or only one prescribed my help or may not. Its kind of like.. You need beans, you like beans but you need to try other brands before you find the best tastiest one for you. A lot think they are cured, stop medicating and getting therapy. Then that crash and decline is devastating. I think if you can step outside yourself for a moment. If you start to display harmful tendencies.   Munchausen by proxy, controlling, dictating, aggression, depression, manipulation. Violence. Silent suffering. Oh bullying and lying is really bad too btw!  Its a clear sign you have something wrong with you. You are sat here thinking thats so obvious! Well I assure you, some are in complete denial. They paint a very different picture publicly. People believe them too as don’t see their darkness. Cant believe they would do such awful things. You would be naive to not think at some point you have encountered, walked past, or lived near, lived with someone disturbed and dangerous .

Please read the following too   http://www.crimemuseum.org/blog/9-early-warning-signs-for-serial-killers-2/

I’m not perfect.  I work in the NHS. I see suffering, upset and poorly people every day. That reality check, makes one realise a lot about this life we live.

As Ray Lamontagne says “Trouble, trouble, trouble”

The endless drama that goes on behind closed doors with people is astounding. I’ve sat down pondering after recent events, astounded. One could fictionalise goings on and call it “50 shade of fucking up”. There are some wrong ‘uns about. I should not anger. But frankly it does make me angry and I feel the need to bitch slap individual into next week. Take away their rice pudding and make them sit on the naughty step and think about what they have done. What they have done to themselves and others! They have preyed on the kind, innocent souls and drag them downwards into their own hell. Selfish and unfair behaviours. Jeremy Kyle, Oprah, Trisha and Judge Judy would get very angry and shout! Some people think they have done something wrong to deserve the shit they are having thrown at them. That they are being punished.  Instead of spending mass energy analyzing and continuing in the control drama. Get help, get out, get sorted and settled. Burying head in sand, making excuses, giving up is easy. The hard part is standing up and escaping a bad situation. Easier said than done you say? Is it? Is it really?  Then think about why, why it happens over again and keeps happening? The same shit keeps happening with different people, or the same person because nothing has changed.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes they kill you or themselves first. Blaming you in the process. Bear that in mind. Taking aside mental illness.  You are responsible for your choices. If you choose to remain in an abusive relationship. It’s your choice. If you choose to commit suicide, it’s your choice. Maybe some cannot ever be helped. As they chose never to try to help themselves. Maybe somes internal wiring is so very wrong. Nothing can be done. Incarceration for life.  Did the warning signs present early and no action taken? Don’t attempt to blame others. The horrors of life can do serious damage. But some of you good people can deal with it. There are ways, there’s reprogramming of the mind, thoughts and outlook. There is so much help, a Doctors referral is just one step, medication is another. But there is so much more out there. The mountain is high. Its a struggle, giving up is easy. Imagine the satisfaction, the fresh air and the beauty, the sense of achievement you will get when you reach the top. You look down to see beautiful lagoons and valleys, a chip shop, a home fondue kit, a wine cellar, an orchard or the tastiest juiciest fruit. You look down to see your soul mate and smile.  

I am fortunate. I live a fairly normal life. I enjoy my domestic bliss. After so many years unresolved, uncommitted, messed up with a joint in one hand and a drink in the other. Wondering what it was all about. Wondering if my Demons would finish me off. They didn’t. My Angels saved me. Those Angels know who they are.

I don’t paint a picture of me, or my life that is not true and real. I do not pretend to be anyone else than who I am. I don’t hit my wife, manipulate her. I do tell her to shut up. As she tells me to shut up.  I do moan and have a strop about her messy tendencies. But on the grand scale. This is minor and PMT is a curse.  We also laugh and piss about. Love deeply each other. Do all the ‘couply’ things. I know its not trendy in some circles but I don’t do dogging, car keys in the fish bowl, Back Gammon, watch soaps, play candy crush, shop at Farmfoods, think a meal at Mcdonalds is a gourmet treat with the kids. We don’t have kids! Oh yeah, we don’t have kids. It’s a lovely honour that many of our friends suggest we adopt. Our answer. “NO!”

We don’t want them, are aware of the many useless monsters that have bred for benefits, spreading std’s in the process or just through not using a rubber Johnny!  But those poor children you shout! They cant help it! BOOO!!

I don’t remember  becoming the United Nations, Social Services, Gouvernement, Church, all Charities, seeking the Nobel Prize or M.B.E. last time I checked. I do my bit. I do not set unachievable goals. I have hopes, dreams. I wish this world and its people would sort their shit out. From one small acorn grows a big Oak Tree. Then its branches reach out. If we help one person get happy. That person may then help others. You see?

We bought a new set of cutlery and a pasta maker yesterday. Ange made homemade pasta. Domestic bliss. Building our life and home together. I farted, We giggled. Well she coughed, I wet my pants. The little things.

NOT 'Sleeping with the enemy

NOT ‘Sleeping with the enemy

Past Life Regression. Session.

INTRO

I ‘personally’ do believe that each life you live (Your soul, not necessarily ancestor wise) is a progression, a training ground to learn lessons.

photo-6

If someone lives an unhappy life, is maybe depressed, stressed, a major event occurs. Resulting in suicide. In the next life. Do similar issues haunt and dog that soul. Only released, when they have acknowledged, learnt?

Maybe some people can never be ‘cured’. Maybe souls can.

I ponder upon the amount of people who are institutionalized. Having admitted their gift of communicating/hearing others.. spirits, guides. Do you believe in Demons? Diagnosed as Schizophrenic? Maybe their Crown Chakra and 3rd eye are wide open? Not knowing how to control it.

How much do medical professionals shrug off holistic therapies? I hope one day they embrace fully for patients the benefits of Holistic Therapies. Along side the use of traditional medicine.

A balanced human is a happy, healthy being. Meridian lines unblocked, Chakras, vortexes of whirling dervishes. Open… accepting, wanting to be healed. They are aided in releasing stress, anger, and negativity. Achieving aids to make positive changes in their lives and ways of thinking to achieve equilibrium.

A person can heal as much as their greater good intends. Sometimes miracles happen. Terminal illness is cured against all odds. Hope, faith, wonderment.

Some people are not meant to heal. Some die, some say before their time. Maybe that is their path. As Reiki Practitioners; we don’t control the results of a session with a client, friend, loved one. We intend the energy goes where it needs to go and does what it needs. Sending unconditional love. If that person is so closed off or doesn’t not want to heal. Then we intend the healing go to whoever needs it.

I’m no expert; I learn new things every day. I can only express my opinions, thoughts and my experiences so far. Maybe in years to come I’ll express something different. This life’s a big adventure. I’m well on my path of discovery.

A big lesson is healing oneself.  Currently : I tend to get very carried away helping others. Only to neglect my own healing. Negligence of daily healing routine beings me here. (WHAT A NUMPTY!) My life has had had upset lately. I’m not coping too well. I’m certain it’s all happening for a reason. The 2012 Ascension from 3rd Dimension to 5th Dimension.

The dawn of a new age of more openness to spiritualism and peace. I’ve been watching Doomsday documentaries on YouTube, reading about RELIGIOUS hate groups such as The Westboro Baptist Church. Who blame everything bad in the world as the wrath of God. Being a lesbian myself, I don’t think I’ll be joining. Each to their own beliefs mind, whatever floats your boat… As long as it doesn’t harm others or incite violence. Negativity attracts negativity. The more I read up and practice the law of attraction. The more I understand and experience it.

I lay here in my sick bed typing this. (Again listening to Gregorian Monks chanting, finding peace) Feeling pretty sorry for myself, miffed at what’s currently being thrown at me, served up on the plate of doom. But I know by the end of writing, I’ll feel better. The rest is doing me good.

I’m currently struggling with my own previous neglect and physical manifestations. Guilty over enjoyment of my musician lifestyle indulgences in my 20’s. By body is totally out of sync after a 3rd operation on my face within 18 months. The last one to remove infected metal plates in my cheek. (I previously had a double osteotomy at the age of 19 to correct my face and bite)..That’s another story..photo

Now they are looking at polyps and sinuses as the issue. Being a ex smoker I could slap myself. Frustration. At the why me? But if I haven’t suffered, how can I feel empathy for others I help? Working towards a healthier 2013. Discovery as to why you are the way you are is an empowering thing. I’m lucky. I have Reiki Masters, friends, family, loved ones and very wise ones supporting. I had to crawl out of my dark cave a few years ago to ask for help and open up. Progression. Life would be boring if it were easy.

PAST LIFE REGRESSION

I had a past life regression session with Lyn Griffin. This is how it went these are the visions I saw. To try to explain. I’m aware of my own body in this life. During the regression. I saw visions, glimpses, objects, words, thoughts came. At times it’s like like watching a movie, being the camera. I was anxious it wouldn’t work, as was so very intrigued.  I’d had a taster session from her and found myself in other life in America in the west. Cowboy. A vision standing in a barn looking out onto a cornfield in the breeze and sunshine, feeling peace is as clear to me now as was during that regression. (I’ve always been drawn to the USA. When I went to Texas in this life and explored with some relatives I felt truly at home. Was rather gutted and considered eloping on a long road trip back on my return to England). I have a lot of male past lives. I’m very not girly, girly, nor do I want to be in this one. I do embrace my womanhood. But its got to be a very special occasion to get me in a dress ;-s

First Lyn took me ‘back’ from my safe place, a garden. Down a path. To the left trees. The right a long stone wall with various doors.  I walked this path until felt drawn, to a door; to a time in one of my past lives. This is my experience. This is what I’ve transcribed from the recording.

tree path

I initially felt a ‘blockage’ just saw darkness, a tunnel and purple colours. I moved deeper down. Then I saw holly, ‘spikey’ plants. However we then entered a ‘back entrance’. I then became aware I was in a graveyard.  It was evening and misty. I didn’t feel threatened I then approached a stone church. A big brown door. Looking on the red wall surrounding the door, the year 1735 flashes at me. I enter….

To the right were the pews. I was drawn to a black door, which was on my left; I enter a kitchen, a big wooden table to my left. I see knives; a round saw hanging off the walls. The realisation eventually occurs that it’s not a kitchen, but a mortuary.  Looking around the room, I then walk over to a big black cupboard. I open it to find jars full of ‘things’ red things to what I can only describe as organs. (At this point I felt dread. I really hoped I wasn’t a serial killer in a past life) But surprisingly I didn’t feel disgusted, it all felt very normal.

Lyn asked me to look down at my feet. I saw light brown (Deer?) ‘felt’ boots. Tied round the top of my ankles. What else was I wearing? A white shirt.

I kept getting flashes of leather brown leather belts but I couldn’t work out why. I welled up with emotion and wanted to cry with the realization; that I prepared the dead for burial, with respect and care.

How old? I was 31 years of age. I was a mortician. (This would explain my obsession in this life with the curiosity of the dead and did at one point consider training to be a mortician or in Pathology)

Lyn asked how long had I been working there? 5 years

Do you work with anyone else? Yes an assistant, a young lad. He wears a green top. He is my helper, 17 years old.

Do you have family? Yes I have a sister. She is 29. I see her in a long off white dress.

Lyn then moves me to a ‘significant event’

I see blood on the floor in the Church, in the room I work. There is a body on the table. (I begin to get agitated, bear in mind I have my safe place, the garden if things get too traumatic)

The torso is cut wide open. I didn’t do it!! ??

I see green. It’s the young apprentice. He wasn’t meant to do that. They weren’t supposed to be dead on the table. He brought them there. A woman. My sister. Her eyes are open. I can see her dead eyes.  All I can concentrate on is her open dead eyes. Why did he do it I ask?

He was in a relationship with her.

Anger, Rage… he killed her and layed her out for me to see. Her organs have been removed.

I keep getting the word ‘leather’ and see brown leather belts.

We explore the significance of the leather.

I see a horse, saddle, Stirrups.

Then I’m in a ploughed field with a water/drinking trough. I’m drawn to a hedge. I look. There is a rag, a dirty rag. With something in it. I look.

It’s a baby. A dead baby. It’s his (my apprentice) baby. He didn’t want it. My sister is the mother of the baby. He cut the baby out of her and killed it. Killed her in the process.

I feel ..Why? Why do it.

What happens next?

I see my hands closing around his neck. I kill him. Justice.

I bury him in an unmarked grave in the graveyard.

photo

People ask questions. But I never get found out.

We move to me when I’m older.

I’m sitting a rocking chair smoking a pipe made out of clay, bone?

My hair is white. I’m happy, content.  My wife has made stew in a cauldron pot. I see kind blue eyes.

Lyn then asks me to jump to a happy time with my sister.

I’m running in a field of flowers, happy, laughing with my sister.

I look into her blue eyes, into her soul.

I’m asked if I’m reminded of anyone is this life.

Its Ange. (my wife is this life) I remember this 1st time I met her. We sat across a table in a pub. Her Aura shined. I felt incredibly comfortable. The beautiful blue kind eyes. Recognition. We are Soul mates. My sister in a previous life.

We go back to when I’m old. How I feel about my life.

I’m not full of guilt by what I did to the apprentice. I needed to happen. I still see my sisters empty dead eyes on that table. They haunt me.

We talk about my sister an our relationship. I see cobbles, She is very positive, jolly. Thin. Wearing a bonnet. We grew up together, very close.

Our parents died when we were teenagers.

I keep getting flashes of the colour yellow. I see yellow in the river, a stream. Sulphur.

My parents were poisoned by the drinking water. They didn’t know it was poisoned.

IMG_3295

I was left to look after my sister. I got a job, as an apprentice. In the church. An old man taught me, I’d met him through attending church and got talking. He had kind eyes. .. Ange’s father.

I then see my parents. They were Tanners. I see animal hides. I see fur being scraped. Leather. The belts! Really shiny belts. Making saddles.

The skills I learnt from my parents creating things. Helped my in my mortician job. Having used instruments. I already had the skills. I came from a family of tanners. They worked in round stone hut. I see the straw on the floor.

We then move to my last day in this life. I’m 63.

I’m in a forest, I smell the forest. Fresh. The leaves are on the trees.

Then I’m lying down on the floor looking up. I can’t see the sky for all the leaves above.

I feel something wooden, like a stake in my stomach. A spade?

I then go back to just before this. I leave my home to go to work. To the church. I journey through the woods to get there.

I’m approaching the treeline.

photo-7

Big tall old trees. I see a man ahead to my left. He has a freckled face. Tall thin. Ginger haired. Green eyes. Bad teeth. A woodsman?? I don’t know him.

There is an axe is a log stump.

He’s pushed me to the floor. I see red toadstools. I keep seeing brown leather belts.

He wants my leather money pouch. It’s attached to my brown leather belt with a brass buckle. He pushes me to the floor. He stabs me with something wooden.

I’m lying there, helpless. Looking up. The woodsman takes my pouch.

My last thoughts are concerns for my wife. I hope she is ok. She doesn’t know.

Then I see blue sky, peace.

photo-22

I feel no pain.

I’m a white energy travelling upwards.

I’m looking down upon my body.

My thoughts about my life. I really enjoyed my final years. I was happy with my wife. Her cooking eat stews.. Contentment.

I look back at what I achieved. I helped people go to their graves with dignity.

At this point my thoughts an feelings towards my apprentice were still that he deserved to die. He would have done it to others. I stopped him. He was on a very dark place.

I then move into my higher awareness. Out of physical body. Who I truly am. “Soul, Spirit.Energy”

My awareness. I’m a rainbow. I exist as a white energy. A spectrum of colours.

I look down to the Earth. See the fields. I then go to the place of my life learning.

I see steps. I see a man above me. I don’t recognise him. But he feels familiar.

Comfortable.

He is here to help me become aware of lessons learned in that lifetime.

I was there to help people, create things. Make things. Use my hands.

But I used my creative hands to kill someone. I shouldn’t have.

It was wrong and done in temper.

I was not meant to destroy.

If I could have done something differently. I wouldn’t have killed my apprentice.

I didn’t have the right to put that punishment on him. Someone else. The law, justice should have dealt with him. A trial.

Maybe the way I died was Karma.

Lyn: “Karma serves not to punish us, but for understanding”

How I felt about my murderer?

A tormented soul, greedy. Didn’t want to work for a living. He would have carried on suffering.

I worked hard all of my life. He took it away from me.

Seeing my sister’s dead eyes, I lost control and strangled my apprentice in temper.

My lesson learned. Use my hands for good,. Don’t lose my temper.

It’s something that I continue to work on in this life. I’ve been blessed with musical talent, art and Practice Reiki. With my hands.

I don’t lose my temper in a physical way.  The extreme..I’ll hit a cushion in a rage. Then go on a bicycle ride in the woods. But in this life I have to stop letting people push my buttons. Instead of a considered, calm response. I fly off the handle. Temper didn’t serve me well in the past life. It won’t and isn’t in this life.

I do get tried and tested constantly by negative people. They want me to suffer their horrible lives. I pity them now. I used to hate them.

Patience and calm are my aim in this life. The answers come to me.

Achieved by meditation. “Meditation” is the key. Natural foods, cut out the toxins. Water.

Walking away, taking a breath.

Lyn talks me through this;

I understand that I’m constantly being given situations in this lifetime to test my reactions. To force me to make different decisions to the ones I made in this past lifetime. Until I fully integrate the lesson. I will always be given the opportunities to learn. Since my first attunement a couple of years ago in Reiki. Having been closed off, full of anger and living a life of booze, recreational drugs, ciggies, constant upset, upheaval, moving house. Things have changed. Most of the time I see the tests coming. React differently. I’ve still not cracked it though. “I must never act or react in anger”

Slowly but surely, I make progress. I rarely drink. We cook from scratch from fresh ingredients (no ready meals) Started growing our own veg. I eat a lot of green things. Crave fresh food now. I cut out pop and now drink green tea. (well the odd bit of fizz)

My crisp addiction is almost cracked. Just chocolate.. Well cutting down. I don’t know if I could be dairy free. Who knows? I’ve never been a big red meat eater. A steak a year does me. I do enjoy chicken and fish. Have been vegetarian. I’m not here to preach how you eat.

I personally feel better pure. I do crave the odd cigarette still. Guilty pleasures…

We will see.

I continue to pursue my path to enlightenment.

Yes I do feel better now.

photo

Enlightenment, Oneness, Reiki

When you experience a ‘happening’ your world perception changes. I’m privileged. I’m a student of ‘Reiki East and West’ (West Bridgford, Nottingham, UK). The teachings of two wonderful Reiki Masters can only respectfully compare to Yoda.
The last two years have been emotional, life changing and frankly needed. Things happen, opportunities arise, fate nudges you. I discovered a gift of healing. During drunken band rehearsals/writing sessions(I’m a musician btw). I discovered I could detect injuries/energy imbalances by feeling heat in my hands effectively ‘scanning people.’ At the time I really didn’t know how, why. I went with the flow. A Mentor and family member sat me down one day in Wales (@our Circle HQ, I’d like to say the expanding group of us practice more to the Pagan belief system. More of that to come in other blogs) gave me a lecture (a good lecture) about my ego.(bad, mad,angry, addicted, intimidating, lost, messed up completely, and negative old me.)
The Powers that be ‘PTB’ and that “Eureka” moment, made sure the ‘please go back to England and study Reiki.asap’ message got through. I was born with the gift of musical hands. Creating things and using my hands is what I do, what I am.
From that day on. I began to slowly but surely making positive changes in my life.
I had Reiki western Attunement level 1. A year later (I had lots of work on myself to practice; The demons, hurt, upset; rage that initially came to the surface and out of me truly wasn’t pleasant. But keeping it all in was toxic.)
) I had Japanese Shoden Reiki level 1 Attunement by the same Reiki Master and my teacher. I personally felt the energies and techniques suited me better. Rather than the westernised teachings.
Guess what? Life has gotten better, I’m happier, healthier. I’m now (as of April 1st 2011) hand fasted (we class ourselves as married to the most wonderful soul and saviour I could ever meet)
During the ‘oneness’ Attunement for my Okuden Degree (2nd level Reiki)
I became an energy, a light. I felt no physical body, no physical me. But I knew it was me, a ‘higher level’ me. I just ‘became’ and existed as blissfulness, togetherness. I existed in, was felt like a terracotta/orange temple. Floating in the middle of a big shiny floor in a large room. Oneness. I created this picture to manifest physically the warmth I felt and the ball of energy I became.I’ve never in my life, my dreams every experiences what I can only describe as a ‘happening’. This confirms I can achieve my path to enlightenment. Not to fear loss of the physical body.
Successful Reiki practice is about commitment and finding the time daily. I find it challenging fitting everything around working full time. Practicing Reiki and helping people is rewarding. The more I practice, the more I understand, the more relaxed I feel treating people. The stronger the Reiki energy. The more balanced I feel. It’s a wellbeing I haven’t felt before.
Successfully working through emotional injuries, is like opening a jammed window and finally letting fresh air into a stale negative room.
The more natural and organic things I consume, the better I feel. Increasing my physical exercise and sending more time with nature (We changed day jobs, moved house and currently live by a lake, river and country park. I feel more alive and balanced than ever before. The more I work with the meditations, exercises practice mindfulness and oneness, The more humble, committed, amazed. I am grateful.

20121209-120240.jpg