Works 2014 Claudine West #claudsville

2014 has been a rather productive year. Eventful, traumatic, stressful circumstances,  inspirational gatherings. Synchronicity. Doors have closed, portals have opened.  Its shown me true colours of people, shallowness and selfishness. Wave surfers. Who will continue to achieve nothingness and take all the credit for it too. Enjoy that! Its allowed me to relax with my kind of people. Meet new kind and wonderful souls. My key word is #likeminded  It’s shown me that a lot of folk need encouragement and help. Its also shown me that I don’t require the bad ones in my life or proximity.  What’s been laid to rest is inactivity. I’ve always been driven to create and unleash what becomes. Making the most of time on this planet has been satisfying to say the least. Who know how much longer I have left. I hope its many years. There, through the course of things has had to be changes made. To better my well being in body, minds and spirit. Lots more of continued effort in 2015.

So here is a list and links of this year. It wasn’t easy. Yes I turned the TV off. Did not party hard and lay wrecked and dormant every weekend. I worked and produced a body of work I’m proud of. Its not stagnant, what some perceive to be ‘perfect.’ What it is a very alive embodiment of me, what I am and what I do. Having words channel through oneself is a thrilling and hypnotic experience. I’ve found a great joy in writing. 2015 will produce a new book of fiction under a pen name.  Thanks to friends for planting a great idea for it. It evolves each time I sit in our healing room. I’ve got 2 new meditation/ collaboration  releases in the pipeline.  So part time day job is on the list! ;-0

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Enjoy, learn, listen.

Solo album: The Narcissist and the Inbetween.

I’ve a few personal favourites ‘Exceptional Believers’  ‘Exit of the Crush’ Writing and recording this has been rather fabulous therapy. #demons

Then there is of course my book. What can I say? Read it.

  Number 1 ebook bestseller : Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit

number 1

Then I began adventures in meditation music recording a 3 track Guided Meditation CD with an amazing tutor and insightful soul, Sally Wathen at Rainbow Bridge  I can only highly recommend her if you need to sort your shit out!

Ange, my wife and I then ventured into our ‘ Meditation Chronicles ‘ Along with Ange running courses, me providing the soundtrack to them. You can listen to and  purchase on most digital stores including Spotify, Amazon and iTunes.

Listen: Meditation Chronicles

MOONTOWNS 2

So with a few new paintings. I’m rather chuffed.

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The Narcissist and the Inbetween

The Narcissist and the Inbetween

LISTEN ON BANDCAMP

 I began 2014 with an exceptional journey. As the dark nights dominate my side of the world, so ends this year. I present my new solo album. This record features  various instruments, including: bass, mandolin, banjo, guitars, piano, keyboards, tablas, my vocals and purring cats who have sat listening intently and ran away during the recording of it. Here are 7 featured tracks and lyrics.

Release date 23/11/2014

featured tracks

1. The Narcissist and the Between

2. Blood

3. Exceptional Believers

4. Eye Of Horus

5. aurora borealis

6. Bear Tooth From Winnipeg 

7. Rhinos

8. Exit of the Crush

9. Mindful Terraforming

10. I lost The Dark at Dawn

Life has launched, I’ve meditated, I’ve travelled on many levels, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed so much I’ve shaken my soul.

I took the cover photo while standing in a stormy sea at Rest Bay, Porthcawl, Wales, November 2014. Writing this album exorcised a few more bedded in Demons. Therapy for the lost.

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This album is a document and journey of changing times, through the dark and light. Recovery, investment in to channelling vibrations. I wanted to capture warts and all recording and performance. A lot of the tracks were one takes of improvisation on my instruments. These Lyrics written during the recording process. The reason behind title ‘The Narcissist and the Inbetween’ can be found in my E-book ‘ Claudsville Blogs and Biog of a Bog Woppit ‘ Also released this year.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00M5IR94K

Listen here

The Narcissist and the Inbetween

https://soundcloud.com/claudsville/sets/bog-woppit-2014

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LYRICS

 The Narcissist and the Between

Vegetarians eating meat

I am I am in-between a nomad and a queen

And the creatures in the hurricanes

Flavours of unsavoury notes

I am the one they called the scapegoat

I was the anchor in the flood

At Martha’s Vineyard

Beneath the stars

At Martha’s Vineyard

Massacres in cars

Hierarchy is ego anarchy

I am I am, I walk away you see

You tried to slaughter me

I tried to save creative

I educated natives

I’m torn in the fold

When there’s three I think the resolution

The killing spree

That I’m user friendly

Currently there’s no menopause clause

To shake the hand of the wave surfer laws

Spotlight shines on foolish stages

Cover versions create cages

You lost the day you retaliated

In Martha’s Vineyard.. blood lies in between

(Mortuary car)

I want to feel elated

I want to repel hatred

And lie amongst the waves

© Claudine West 2014

Blood

There was blood, blood everywhere

Down by the heat

Rushing floods and fever heads

Far away at sea

In the minds of higher thinkers

You’re becoming me

And the moon sauntered

Right I reach out too

And the roots are haunted

And I reach out too

Discover unknown presence

There lies release

With a shock this mantle steadies more

The answer spurs release

I cried that day and cried again

Strength the river creek

And I knew this point would come someday

But I stared in disbelief

And the moon sauntered

Right I reach out too

The roots are haunted

And I reach out too

There was love, love everywhere

Down underneath

Crushing hearts the weavers read

Right beside the tree

With the storm comes a rainbow

I am lost at sea

There was blood, blood everywhere

I am lost at sea

© Claudine West 2014

Exceptional Believers

They don their coats and crowns and Marys

Exceptional believers

Cutting off their throats and tears

Fictional deceivers

They walk the path of the lost and the lucid

Moving to the room

I thought my whole life over

Then I packed it in a box

And sent it underground

The call of the churches

And the rules

I walked further

Found better runes

There’s no intermittent wrestling with the weavers

Webs and death and spurn the divas

I reach up with fire in my hand

And peace overland

Mighty makers of money and spoons

Mind alteration, with pennies and looms

They wont rule my nation with promise and fools

A mind awakened.

Open doors

And breathe

As I approached the crossroads

I held the sunshine in my hands

And a pocket full of delusions

Contained the answers they didn’t want me to know

I took my chances with the ghosts

© Claudine West 2014

Eye of Horus

Mindful in some locked out state

Trapped within these walls in a metamorphosis debate

These winters waves crash and bury my feet

In denial of the suffering of storms at sea

Riptide swallows my hunger

Polarity takes me under

The wind cries hollow where did these feelings go?

8 inside below.

I resist the existence of a lifting and rescue

I lost sight of the surroundings and broke the curfew

When I cracked I turned away, departed into weeks of rage

Eye of Horus where did you hide?

I wandered through the portal Chinese garden waterfalls.

The low sun, fearsome sky

Dream in a romance with a tear in my mind.

The ladder made of spine rose to the cloud

The red sphere floated right before my 3rd eye

Rosie gave be laughter, such laugher

The laughter in mine.

All mine.

© Claudine West 2014

 aurora borealis

Capo 2 B-A piano C#, B

Fortune on the road, feather kill

You are alone

Enlightened souls, weathered sin

You aren’t alone

Guitar

Em, A2, D2, A2

Piano F# B, F#, E, B

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

Moons of Galileo, heretic

Holy rolls, advocate

Provocation with belief

Beautiful underneath

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

Runes made of stone, heather thrills

overload, lavender

On my road, I’m not alone

Eastern sky rising

aurora borealis

sky in the north take me home

© Claudine West 2014

Bear Claw from Winnipeg

Am, G- B

So I had this conversation

After many divinations

Giraffe taught me hippy laugher

Some wise words from hereafter

Buzzing in my ears cleared fears that had reared again

I overtook this meltdown lane refrain

My suicide has long gone now

D, C,

Who,

I followed nature’s pasture

Looking for angina rapture

Banana cake and chocolate chips and ginger beer on an ancient trip

That spider that jumped from the trees

My bare flesh and a morbid scream

Showed me survival while on my knees

A message from the powers that be

To get on making symphonies

Normality freaks me every day

Is not me man and I’m going to say

Leads me to the path of tombs

And rips me from another womb

Two types of stoned lead to a junction

Pure water cleanses many functions

I walked this mountains darkened path

Then jumped into another mothers grasp.

Rhinos

Shine a light upon my mountain

But I’m still filling up on dread

World hovers on my shoulders

The past, the present the future then I’m dead

Release, release Rhinos

Unreachable devastation

The Meditation said

To look outside my inner anger

See what Buddha said

I’m making up preservation

I’m talking to the wise

The mechanics of coping

Are practiced many times

When I’m a lone with the demons

I set in motion lots of dealing

On my darkest days

My instruments of adjustment

Stop mental state delays

© Claudine West 2014

I Lost The Dark at Dawn (live)
Rooms on the road
Opportune I am the devil’s own
Shallow graves hide many bones
Jokers and countrymen
The power lines are overheard
The frantic noises of words lost
Heard as worlds combust

Never ending silence
I walk on coals of fire
These worms that dig up new eras
Ferryman pays the price now blind
Boot prints melted tarmac
Metal twists with rippled pools
I lost the dark at dawn

The wooden sculpture man makes many plays
Oversights and reverse delays
A document is stained over time
I hold onto the bricks and the pines
No chorus as I ride into night
No chorus as I ride into night
An effort that digs deeper into the light
These rooms on the road

~ Claudine

Book coming soon

FYI. I’m near completion of my book.
I hope to have it finished over the next few months.
I’ve found it liberating, cleansing, therapeutic. Unlocking forgotten memories, good stuff, learnings, emotion. Understanding the experiences with the bad stuff and people in this world. As they got me to here.

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Mind Chatter, Good Friends, Perspective.

So I’m cracking on painting new artworks. Winter and January time is really good for locking myself away from the dark and cold, with my wife and the cats, creating.

Rambo and Pattie

It’s been the time of year too, when we go into studio and record tracks. Save the summertime for the great and beautiful outdoors.

I’m really out of sorts at the moment. A recent physical sensitive injury (clumsy moi) and the continued infection in my left cheek have been really getting me down….. really getting me down. There have been moments of madness when I’ve wanted everything to go away. With only one awful solution. The trouble is, when you are down, there is only so much more of a kicking you can take. Only so much shit you can handle, being chucked at you from the shit truck. Plus being in a difficult environment where bad behaviors are not being dealt with effectively as of yet by the PTB, is poor for my mental and spiritual health. Trouble with negative ringleaders has taken its toll on my self worth. (I HOPE this can be resolved without lies, exaggeration and truth twisting, oh and plain nastiness) Like I’ve been told and continue to find out. You’ve got to have a pretty shitty life to behave that way to others. Pitiful. 5 years ago, (when my ego controlled me fully) had I been in the situation I’m currently in. I’d have dealt with any trouble with intimidation, sharp tongue and caused major upset(getting myself into trouble in the process, making others lives miserable, as my life was a mess then). Times and I have evolved through working on myself. Its certainly not been easy.

Maybe it’s time to ‘day job’ hunt, a fresh start? The plan is just simply earn a career from my Art, Reiki with Earth Tree Healing and Music (The Idolins, Subway Circus) combined. Be my own boss (The dream, the possible, the effort continues and steps up 2013)

We spent the night with good friends this weekend. Lots of wine and chats. Especially about feeling out of sorts. The great thing about good friends? The laughter, support, advice, love. Things get put into perspective.

I suffer from constant mind chatter and the creative souls burden. Moodiness and ego talk. Inherited and programmed worrying. Meditation and practicing Reiki is clearing this. But in the process it’s releasing a lot of emotion. Release is great though. Just not particularly pleasant at times. ‘Blockages’; energy blocks in meridians. Having a good service! Chakras (Energy Centers, vortexes) are being energized and balanced. Self healing is beneficial. I do love having a Reiki treatment, crystal heal from my fellow Light Workers. IT’S ALL VERY EASY TO GET INVOLVED HEALING OTHERS AND NOT ONESELF. If you don’t take care of yourself properly, how can you truly help others? Just as you think you are spiraling to the top of the mountain, an avalanche stops you in your tracks, knocks one back. DECENT RATHER THAN ASCENT.

When you go about your day to day things. Having woken, the sun shines, you are confident, eyes are smiling. Your days just gets better, people react kindlt to you and your sparkle..V’s getting up, tripping over the cat, rushed, headache, dreading going to work. Having a row just to start your day of which tends to get gradually worse like your mood. How different do people treat you. What are you attracting? You can change that mindset. IT’S YOUR EGO TALKING, INFLUENCING.

Right now I want to lock myself away for months. Be as far away from people of the moaning, damaging and draining variety that I can. THIS WILL ALL PASS OFCOURSE. Solutions are there. Positive solutions and options. Learning’s and tests of my patience (well, lack of) continue .

I had a TAROT reading from my gifted wife. “Temperance” Really does sum things up.

Temperance

I read my stars, Gemini recently, I rarely read the paper, but felt drawn.

Gemini

I’ve been overcome as of late with physical manifestations of unrest, upset. Things have built up to the point where I want someone to save me, cure me, help me. The reality. My mind chat has got the better of me. I, and only I HAVE ALLOWED IT. I’ve listened, believed all the doom and gloom its been spouting at me. I’ve cried, wallowed, obsessed, released, felt lost, frustrated, empty, hurt, alienated, angry, vengeful, done the “WHY ME?”. Just as ‘the end of the world’ 2012, which is effectively the dawn of a new era. 2013 continues to bring tests. All for what? Lessons, clearing.

THINGS WILL GET BETTER IN TIME. Patience. Belief in healing. Talking about this honestly has helped. Bottling it all up did nothing but make things worse. I’ll be a stronger person. I’M ALREADY more compassionate. Lessons from the POWERS THAT BE. How can you be compassionate, truly, unless at some point you have suffered? Your own sufferings (Mental, physical, emotional) cannot be compared to anyone else. It’s only YOU that truly feels the affect of what your problems are. OTHERS ARE bystanders.

It’s up to ME to shout… ‘BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER” to sort the mess that’s me out. Running off to get happy pills doesn’t treat my root cause. Meditating, laughing, being in the company of my good friends, does.

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The Train… Journeying

The Train…. Journeying
Meditation music in my ears. Sends me sleepy.
The appetizing smell of Cheesy Doritios. My nose adores, my present stomach virus sends me nausea. It’s like I’m in two halves. Above and below myself.
Anything for a lung of fresh breeze. We forgot the ham cobs and green olives. Too busy saying goodbye to the cats. Plus new kittens yet to be born. Neighborly good spirit and kindness is appreciated. The lovely hand knitted draught excluder. My Mum managed to make in a week to keep out the cold in our hallway. Bless her.
My Pumpkin Hot Chocolate is something special to be adored. National Geographic is my companion. I entered the competition to India way before we departed. Trains I can read on. Boats and sea sickness never affect me. Plane take offs make me anxious. Cars.. Well cars and buses. If I even read my phone while traveling in them . Nausea and headache instantly. Motorbike and cycling exploration is adventure.
I close my eyes and see blue pastures. Slowly rocking in my lullaby seat. It’s Christmas Holidays. The passengers relaxed, Happy, heading to their destinations. Coach C is decorated the colour of the sea. Where I’m heading.
Listening to the bloke trying to claim the ‘unreserved’ table 4 seats as his own “reserved” for friends. Who happen to be invisible. Making himself look stupid to the other passenger who has rightfully claimed and encroached in this free “space”. Saying he will move when the “friends” appear.. Chortle. Now he takes his shoes off and rests his socks on the seat opposite to gain more territory.
In the pitch black night sky, that this time in 6 months will be brilliant sunshine, marshmallow Clouds and bumble bee blue skies. That smell of summer. Missed in the dark, damp winter time. Tomorrow I will smell the sea air. The healing energies will clear my troubled mind. My guilty mind. For again, I suffer caught illness. My body just won’t allow activity beyond a shuffle. My mind can’t handle tv. Even though we both laughed oh so loudly at the “Food Poisoning” Scene in ‘Bridesmaids’ last night. A lifetime top 10 Rofl for me. Yule, Solstice. 22/12/12. No ending to the World. A new Dawn.

How musicians are created…

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I’m blessed to be in this band. The Idolins  

My solo works Bog Woppit 

The big question.

Are you born a musician, or do you train and become a musician?

My name is Claudine West aka Claudine Barker-West. I’m 37 years old. I live in Nottingham. UK. I’m a multi-instrumentalist.  Oh and yes you have probably never heard of me. 

Music has been in my life since I can remember. From my first Bontempi Keyboard and 2nd hand classical guitar; my Dad bought me while on holiday in Norfolk, UK. It was only when I moved onto electric and steel strings did I realise what a nighmare classicals are to play and start on as a kid. (So what to Schools do? Make kids play ’em! Cruel )

Now I’ve not been trained in a ‘training’ sheet music kind of way.

I bought chord books for keyboards and guitar. Sat and played, practiced. Shut myself in dark rooms so I didn’t need to look at my hands to play the chords. Looking back I was a loner, socially crippled (still am to an extent), shy, a disturbed child ( luckily not due to any trauma, abuse etc) just special in my own strange way.

Music made me feel good, it released my pent up creativity. It drew me to it, tempted, excited, satisfied. Music just came out of me and my fingers without me having to sit there and work out each note.  By this point every Birthday and Christmas present was music related. My first tape 4 track recorder.  I was privileged.

School involved verbal bullying, name calling due to my deformed face. (Surgery at 19 corrected it, not my self hatred..Thanks Bullies. I’m so glad im not you. I pity you. no one likes to be called a monster amongst other things!)  and near 6 feet tall skinny frame (I was probably too tall and intimidating to get punched) maybe I screamed misfit.

I retreated, was encouraged and supported into music and art indulgence.  I had an amazing Music teacher (Simon Davie) at secondary School (Frank Wheldon, Nottingham class of 1991/2 ish) Spent most of my lunch breaks and spare time in the music block. Jamming. Playing on the piano, or playing on the Grand Piano in their Concert Hall. Some little turd, with a grudge burnt the school down years later. (and most likely my lovely Grand Piano) Its been rebuilt as a sports college now.

At 16 (thanks to my sister complaining) I got a job in a local supermarket (18 years of customer hell and vileness, back stabbing, gossip, hangovers, but lots of laughs and messing about) I currently work for the NHS. (inspired by true hatred of retail and damage done, my Dad being awarded an MBE (God bless you Princess Anne) for his services to the NHS. (I’M SO PROUD) the final straw being told I deserved to be raped as I was a lesbian!! Adorable customer scumbag!

I’m proud to be doing my day job bit helping poorly folk. Reiki is my life calling along with art and music. Indulgence is bliss.

So basically from my first job (yes kids I worked for my things, put up with some abominations, stinky fuckers, rude bastards and worked every shift pattern known to Mankind) bought more instruments. Worked nights for a year and at around 19, I bought my first Pearl Export Drumkit; and a Zildjian Cymbal every payday. 

My basic chord and note learning moved into capo and key change experiments. ‘Capoing’ a guitar. Recording that track. Then working out a new fret capo and different chord structures to make things sound sweet in stereo.(I still do this today)

From around 13 years old. I’d written songs, composed music, learnt the art of multi tracking (Live performance, warts and all… not computer generated  cheating) Warbled with a very crap gob (surgery enabled me to sing and pronounce words better)

After finishing my A levels. Knowing full well my face operation was imminent. I chose not to further my education. I embraced live mic nights, bands, (Word For Word, Dominion, Subject To Status.. and ones I cant remember right now) gigs, music, booze, fags, grass. Indulgence. I loved my Bongos!

Live Mic at The Lion
Live Mic Night at The Lion, Basford. Nottingham. during the 1990s

Inspired by Jim Morrison’s whisky intake. I had a pretty good go. Ooh I loved my Bourbon and Wild Turkey. Fortunately I never woke up craving alcohol. I rarely drink now mainly because my money is better spent and my body just needs to mend. I do tend to get occasionally battered on the red wine, (big fan of a good Shiraz Cabernet nowadays) at a band rehearsals and spend the next day puking my guts up feeling like death. Swearing on my grave its green tea forever. Ange (my wifey) once farted in bed after one of these night. That set me off on a big boff. She blamed the booze. I blamed the stench. I may write a blog on farting. It’s something that makes me cry laughing.

I began a 10 year exodus into my world ‘Claudsville’

I bought a Fender Bass guitar, Mandolins, more acoustics, A Fender Stratocaster. Eventually I bought a Taylor Acoustic. Elixir custom light strings. Bar that fact that you really cant have too many instruments. I’m content.

I learnt to finger pick. I practiced strumming 😉 being a percussionist helps with rhythm. Being a drummer is a great cure for PMT. There is a big misconception that playing the drums is about kicking the shit out of them. Maybe for some drummers.. Its about creating rhythm, patterns. Jamming, linking, connecting, locking in with your bass player (my Yang to my Ying is the very Talented Dave Pacey) 

I played Glen Miller Jazz at School. Moved into Blues Jamming in pubs and Rock Bands.

I love the Folk music, acoustic stuff on the guitar. I enjoy experimenting with effects and layers on my electric guitar parts I compose. I’m not anal enough to go into great technical detail. I’ll leave that one to others.

You can watch some videos if you so wish on my Claudsville Youtube Channel

 

I dated a sound engineer. (Pete, lovely bloke) me, trying to at least be bisexual. Ultimately you can’t change who you are and what floats your boat. Women do it for me. I’m happily handfasted to my soulmate Ange. After spending a little while sampling a few unhinged (to be polite) birds. Not a good combination with me being me.

I met Grimm (Graham Skelton-Ruth) an amazing guitarist. You can hear some of his Lead Guitar Genius on my Bog Woppit Recordings.

Had M.S. taught me sarcasm to the extreme. Inspired me. Listened to my drunken rants and exorcism of demons. He died when I was 27. (overdosed) that destroyed me.

Claud & Grimm
Claud & Grimm

I luckily managed to travel to America and spend time touring with my family. Some were living there at the time. Texas. Got to Jam on drums in a bar in San Antonio. Being rewarded by a shot of Wild Turkey courtesy of the bar tender.(THAT MADE MY DAY!) I talked at lots of stuff out.  HEALING PROCESS.

I’d played regularly at the Lion Pub in Basford before Grimms Death. We used to go on a Thursday live mic night. I’d get drunk to try to control my morbid stage fright. Play 3 solo songs (not covers, I performed my own. There are plenty of people riding the cover version appreciation wave for applause and a career. Not me.  I like to  create, not copy) If you are going to cover a song. At least do something different with it.

I met Karen Smalley-Turner at such a night. We recorded a few sessions at Grimms Home Studio. ( I basically lived there and slept in there at weekends and every Holiday)

We then lost tough for a while. She had a baby. Robyn. Then as fate has it. I met her again while working in a shop. Broke the sad news that Grimm had died. (not the best way to tell someone over a checkout) I’m known for my Oral splurts of the wrong thing at the wrong time. We later got together and played a gig. The rest my friends is history. 12 years later. Our official Website is here The Idolins  are going from strength to strength. We have expanded. Played live at the 2012 London Olympics. Love each other dearly and are back recording 2013 after a wonderful 2012.

The Idolins. Sound Of The Rain Album
The Idolins. ‘Sound Of The Rain’ 2010 Album
Greenwich Park 2012 Olympics. Photo Rob Smalley. Scene photography
Greenwich Park 2012 Olympics. Photo Rob Smalley. Scene Photography
Karen & Claudine Live 2011The Idolins
Karen & Claudine Live 2011
The Idolins
Live @ The Royal Concert Hall, Nottingham Photo Rob Smalley. Scene photography
Live @ The Royal Concert Hall 2012, Nottingham Photo Rob Smalley. Scene Photography
The Idolins 'You Said'  Album 2011
The Idolins ‘You Said’ Album 2011
Rehearsals
Rehearsals
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The Notts Factor Final 2012.
Subway Circus Live at Nottinghamshire Pride 2012
Subway Circus Live at Nottinghamshire Pride 2012

I’ve also been driven back to playing the Drums again. The new Rock Band. Subway Circus. Has been born. More to follow 2013.

<<Subway Circus Live at Nottinghamshire Pride 2012.
My Dad told Karen and I about my Great Grandparents. The Drews. They played instruments. Maybe music is inherited?

All I know is I love it. I can only describe it as an energy of sound. I’m a vessel for it to travel. I dont consciously think about what i’m playing. It just happens. Flukes. Maybe my mind already rehearsed it? Maybe I’m a puppet for Angels?

The Stage fright gets easier as I age.

People have asked for lessons, like I’ll show them an easy non effort way. My answer is always the same.

“Learn your f**King self!! ;-)”

I’m blessed. I’m rehearsed.

Past Life Regression. Session.

INTRO

I ‘personally’ do believe that each life you live (Your soul, not necessarily ancestor wise) is a progression, a training ground to learn lessons.

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If someone lives an unhappy life, is maybe depressed, stressed, a major event occurs. Resulting in suicide. In the next life. Do similar issues haunt and dog that soul. Only released, when they have acknowledged, learnt?

Maybe some people can never be ‘cured’. Maybe souls can.

I ponder upon the amount of people who are institutionalized. Having admitted their gift of communicating/hearing others.. spirits, guides. Do you believe in Demons? Diagnosed as Schizophrenic? Maybe their Crown Chakra and 3rd eye are wide open? Not knowing how to control it.

How much do medical professionals shrug off holistic therapies? I hope one day they embrace fully for patients the benefits of Holistic Therapies. Along side the use of traditional medicine.

A balanced human is a happy, healthy being. Meridian lines unblocked, Chakras, vortexes of whirling dervishes. Open… accepting, wanting to be healed. They are aided in releasing stress, anger, and negativity. Achieving aids to make positive changes in their lives and ways of thinking to achieve equilibrium.

A person can heal as much as their greater good intends. Sometimes miracles happen. Terminal illness is cured against all odds. Hope, faith, wonderment.

Some people are not meant to heal. Some die, some say before their time. Maybe that is their path. As Reiki Practitioners; we don’t control the results of a session with a client, friend, loved one. We intend the energy goes where it needs to go and does what it needs. Sending unconditional love. If that person is so closed off or doesn’t not want to heal. Then we intend the healing go to whoever needs it.

I’m no expert; I learn new things every day. I can only express my opinions, thoughts and my experiences so far. Maybe in years to come I’ll express something different. This life’s a big adventure. I’m well on my path of discovery.

A big lesson is healing oneself.  Currently : I tend to get very carried away helping others. Only to neglect my own healing. Negligence of daily healing routine beings me here. (WHAT A NUMPTY!) My life has had had upset lately. I’m not coping too well. I’m certain it’s all happening for a reason. The 2012 Ascension from 3rd Dimension to 5th Dimension.

The dawn of a new age of more openness to spiritualism and peace. I’ve been watching Doomsday documentaries on YouTube, reading about RELIGIOUS hate groups such as The Westboro Baptist Church. Who blame everything bad in the world as the wrath of God. Being a lesbian myself, I don’t think I’ll be joining. Each to their own beliefs mind, whatever floats your boat… As long as it doesn’t harm others or incite violence. Negativity attracts negativity. The more I read up and practice the law of attraction. The more I understand and experience it.

I lay here in my sick bed typing this. (Again listening to Gregorian Monks chanting, finding peace) Feeling pretty sorry for myself, miffed at what’s currently being thrown at me, served up on the plate of doom. But I know by the end of writing, I’ll feel better. The rest is doing me good.

I’m currently struggling with my own previous neglect and physical manifestations. Guilty over enjoyment of my musician lifestyle indulgences in my 20’s. By body is totally out of sync after a 3rd operation on my face within 18 months. The last one to remove infected metal plates in my cheek. (I previously had a double osteotomy at the age of 19 to correct my face and bite)..That’s another story..photo

Now they are looking at polyps and sinuses as the issue. Being a ex smoker I could slap myself. Frustration. At the why me? But if I haven’t suffered, how can I feel empathy for others I help? Working towards a healthier 2013. Discovery as to why you are the way you are is an empowering thing. I’m lucky. I have Reiki Masters, friends, family, loved ones and very wise ones supporting. I had to crawl out of my dark cave a few years ago to ask for help and open up. Progression. Life would be boring if it were easy.

PAST LIFE REGRESSION

I had a past life regression session with Lyn Griffin. This is how it went these are the visions I saw. To try to explain. I’m aware of my own body in this life. During the regression. I saw visions, glimpses, objects, words, thoughts came. At times it’s like like watching a movie, being the camera. I was anxious it wouldn’t work, as was so very intrigued.  I’d had a taster session from her and found myself in other life in America in the west. Cowboy. A vision standing in a barn looking out onto a cornfield in the breeze and sunshine, feeling peace is as clear to me now as was during that regression. (I’ve always been drawn to the USA. When I went to Texas in this life and explored with some relatives I felt truly at home. Was rather gutted and considered eloping on a long road trip back on my return to England). I have a lot of male past lives. I’m very not girly, girly, nor do I want to be in this one. I do embrace my womanhood. But its got to be a very special occasion to get me in a dress ;-s

First Lyn took me ‘back’ from my safe place, a garden. Down a path. To the left trees. The right a long stone wall with various doors.  I walked this path until felt drawn, to a door; to a time in one of my past lives. This is my experience. This is what I’ve transcribed from the recording.

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I initially felt a ‘blockage’ just saw darkness, a tunnel and purple colours. I moved deeper down. Then I saw holly, ‘spikey’ plants. However we then entered a ‘back entrance’. I then became aware I was in a graveyard.  It was evening and misty. I didn’t feel threatened I then approached a stone church. A big brown door. Looking on the red wall surrounding the door, the year 1735 flashes at me. I enter….

To the right were the pews. I was drawn to a black door, which was on my left; I enter a kitchen, a big wooden table to my left. I see knives; a round saw hanging off the walls. The realisation eventually occurs that it’s not a kitchen, but a mortuary.  Looking around the room, I then walk over to a big black cupboard. I open it to find jars full of ‘things’ red things to what I can only describe as organs. (At this point I felt dread. I really hoped I wasn’t a serial killer in a past life) But surprisingly I didn’t feel disgusted, it all felt very normal.

Lyn asked me to look down at my feet. I saw light brown (Deer?) ‘felt’ boots. Tied round the top of my ankles. What else was I wearing? A white shirt.

I kept getting flashes of leather brown leather belts but I couldn’t work out why. I welled up with emotion and wanted to cry with the realization; that I prepared the dead for burial, with respect and care.

How old? I was 31 years of age. I was a mortician. (This would explain my obsession in this life with the curiosity of the dead and did at one point consider training to be a mortician or in Pathology)

Lyn asked how long had I been working there? 5 years

Do you work with anyone else? Yes an assistant, a young lad. He wears a green top. He is my helper, 17 years old.

Do you have family? Yes I have a sister. She is 29. I see her in a long off white dress.

Lyn then moves me to a ‘significant event’

I see blood on the floor in the Church, in the room I work. There is a body on the table. (I begin to get agitated, bear in mind I have my safe place, the garden if things get too traumatic)

The torso is cut wide open. I didn’t do it!! ??

I see green. It’s the young apprentice. He wasn’t meant to do that. They weren’t supposed to be dead on the table. He brought them there. A woman. My sister. Her eyes are open. I can see her dead eyes.  All I can concentrate on is her open dead eyes. Why did he do it I ask?

He was in a relationship with her.

Anger, Rage… he killed her and layed her out for me to see. Her organs have been removed.

I keep getting the word ‘leather’ and see brown leather belts.

We explore the significance of the leather.

I see a horse, saddle, Stirrups.

Then I’m in a ploughed field with a water/drinking trough. I’m drawn to a hedge. I look. There is a rag, a dirty rag. With something in it. I look.

It’s a baby. A dead baby. It’s his (my apprentice) baby. He didn’t want it. My sister is the mother of the baby. He cut the baby out of her and killed it. Killed her in the process.

I feel ..Why? Why do it.

What happens next?

I see my hands closing around his neck. I kill him. Justice.

I bury him in an unmarked grave in the graveyard.

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People ask questions. But I never get found out.

We move to me when I’m older.

I’m sitting a rocking chair smoking a pipe made out of clay, bone?

My hair is white. I’m happy, content.  My wife has made stew in a cauldron pot. I see kind blue eyes.

Lyn then asks me to jump to a happy time with my sister.

I’m running in a field of flowers, happy, laughing with my sister.

I look into her blue eyes, into her soul.

I’m asked if I’m reminded of anyone is this life.

Its Ange. (my wife is this life) I remember this 1st time I met her. We sat across a table in a pub. Her Aura shined. I felt incredibly comfortable. The beautiful blue kind eyes. Recognition. We are Soul mates. My sister in a previous life.

We go back to when I’m old. How I feel about my life.

I’m not full of guilt by what I did to the apprentice. I needed to happen. I still see my sisters empty dead eyes on that table. They haunt me.

We talk about my sister an our relationship. I see cobbles, She is very positive, jolly. Thin. Wearing a bonnet. We grew up together, very close.

Our parents died when we were teenagers.

I keep getting flashes of the colour yellow. I see yellow in the river, a stream. Sulphur.

My parents were poisoned by the drinking water. They didn’t know it was poisoned.

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I was left to look after my sister. I got a job, as an apprentice. In the church. An old man taught me, I’d met him through attending church and got talking. He had kind eyes. .. Ange’s father.

I then see my parents. They were Tanners. I see animal hides. I see fur being scraped. Leather. The belts! Really shiny belts. Making saddles.

The skills I learnt from my parents creating things. Helped my in my mortician job. Having used instruments. I already had the skills. I came from a family of tanners. They worked in round stone hut. I see the straw on the floor.

We then move to my last day in this life. I’m 63.

I’m in a forest, I smell the forest. Fresh. The leaves are on the trees.

Then I’m lying down on the floor looking up. I can’t see the sky for all the leaves above.

I feel something wooden, like a stake in my stomach. A spade?

I then go back to just before this. I leave my home to go to work. To the church. I journey through the woods to get there.

I’m approaching the treeline.

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Big tall old trees. I see a man ahead to my left. He has a freckled face. Tall thin. Ginger haired. Green eyes. Bad teeth. A woodsman?? I don’t know him.

There is an axe is a log stump.

He’s pushed me to the floor. I see red toadstools. I keep seeing brown leather belts.

He wants my leather money pouch. It’s attached to my brown leather belt with a brass buckle. He pushes me to the floor. He stabs me with something wooden.

I’m lying there, helpless. Looking up. The woodsman takes my pouch.

My last thoughts are concerns for my wife. I hope she is ok. She doesn’t know.

Then I see blue sky, peace.

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I feel no pain.

I’m a white energy travelling upwards.

I’m looking down upon my body.

My thoughts about my life. I really enjoyed my final years. I was happy with my wife. Her cooking eat stews.. Contentment.

I look back at what I achieved. I helped people go to their graves with dignity.

At this point my thoughts an feelings towards my apprentice were still that he deserved to die. He would have done it to others. I stopped him. He was on a very dark place.

I then move into my higher awareness. Out of physical body. Who I truly am. “Soul, Spirit.Energy”

My awareness. I’m a rainbow. I exist as a white energy. A spectrum of colours.

I look down to the Earth. See the fields. I then go to the place of my life learning.

I see steps. I see a man above me. I don’t recognise him. But he feels familiar.

Comfortable.

He is here to help me become aware of lessons learned in that lifetime.

I was there to help people, create things. Make things. Use my hands.

But I used my creative hands to kill someone. I shouldn’t have.

It was wrong and done in temper.

I was not meant to destroy.

If I could have done something differently. I wouldn’t have killed my apprentice.

I didn’t have the right to put that punishment on him. Someone else. The law, justice should have dealt with him. A trial.

Maybe the way I died was Karma.

Lyn: “Karma serves not to punish us, but for understanding”

How I felt about my murderer?

A tormented soul, greedy. Didn’t want to work for a living. He would have carried on suffering.

I worked hard all of my life. He took it away from me.

Seeing my sister’s dead eyes, I lost control and strangled my apprentice in temper.

My lesson learned. Use my hands for good,. Don’t lose my temper.

It’s something that I continue to work on in this life. I’ve been blessed with musical talent, art and Practice Reiki. With my hands.

I don’t lose my temper in a physical way.  The extreme..I’ll hit a cushion in a rage. Then go on a bicycle ride in the woods. But in this life I have to stop letting people push my buttons. Instead of a considered, calm response. I fly off the handle. Temper didn’t serve me well in the past life. It won’t and isn’t in this life.

I do get tried and tested constantly by negative people. They want me to suffer their horrible lives. I pity them now. I used to hate them.

Patience and calm are my aim in this life. The answers come to me.

Achieved by meditation. “Meditation” is the key. Natural foods, cut out the toxins. Water.

Walking away, taking a breath.

Lyn talks me through this;

I understand that I’m constantly being given situations in this lifetime to test my reactions. To force me to make different decisions to the ones I made in this past lifetime. Until I fully integrate the lesson. I will always be given the opportunities to learn. Since my first attunement a couple of years ago in Reiki. Having been closed off, full of anger and living a life of booze, recreational drugs, ciggies, constant upset, upheaval, moving house. Things have changed. Most of the time I see the tests coming. React differently. I’ve still not cracked it though. “I must never act or react in anger”

Slowly but surely, I make progress. I rarely drink. We cook from scratch from fresh ingredients (no ready meals) Started growing our own veg. I eat a lot of green things. Crave fresh food now. I cut out pop and now drink green tea. (well the odd bit of fizz)

My crisp addiction is almost cracked. Just chocolate.. Well cutting down. I don’t know if I could be dairy free. Who knows? I’ve never been a big red meat eater. A steak a year does me. I do enjoy chicken and fish. Have been vegetarian. I’m not here to preach how you eat.

I personally feel better pure. I do crave the odd cigarette still. Guilty pleasures…

We will see.

I continue to pursue my path to enlightenment.

Yes I do feel better now.

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